How long after marriage should you wait to have a baby?

Question

Personally, if I ever was to get married I would probably want to wait maybe 6 months to a year when it comes to conceiving a baby. The reason being I want to make sure all our finances are stable before I bring a baby into this world (babies are extremely expensive and I need to make sure I can take care of the baby and give them a comfortable life). Another reason is I want me and my spouse to have time for each other before the baby comes, by that I want me and him to travel/go on trips, go on dates (cause with kids you'll have to worry about finding a babysitter or family that are willing to watch the baby), and just simply enjoy time with each other.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

That depends on so many factors... But here are some factors that are important to me:

1) Outside help. The more we have access to it or can afford it, the earlier I can have kids. So if my relatives or his relatives live nearby who would happily take care of the kids, I can have them earlier. If me and my s. o. are on our own, then probably spend a bit more time enjoying each other's company before having kids. Also includes availability of daycares and nannies and their affordability.

2) Stage of life. Specifically referring to how much time and energy we can give to the kids. The parenting strategies that benefit the children the most in the long run are often inconveniencing for parents and I do believe as responsible adults bringing kids to the earth you need to be ready to face and deal with them. That means breastfeeding, playing with the children, reading them books at night, letting them play with foods and all sorts of things because playing is how babies learn. That sure means bigger mess for parents to clean up but it is beneficial in the long run for children to be able to eat everything and not be picky, get exposed to various stimuli and help in coordination, all that good stuff. Reading stories to children as opposed to showing them picture books help increase children's creativity and visualization abilities. Not saying you have to do everything perfectly and make your own life a hell, but I am strongly against the notion that if a child isn't inconveniencing the parents that automatically means the child is good and vice versa.

3. Age and physical health. I am not saying that I think I must have kids early, but if I feel like the cons of waiting is greater then definitely I could have children early.

PBandJ_Nerd · Accepted Answer

Depends on how long you guys have been together. My sister is married for a few months or less and she already is having a baby on the way. But it's best to be prepared before having a baby. Having a house already, financially well, etc.

HaveNoName · Accepted Answer

Disclaimer: My comments in no way mean that I am telling you when to have kids, and neither should anyone else me doing do.

Once you are married, it all depends on the stage of your life you are at and how much time you have on hand (clarified later).

The best scenario is that you marry early enough so that you have time to enjoy at least a couple of years as a couple alone. Be free of responsibilities and strings attached (just going out and preping for a little kid takes effort and time).

Having said that, it also doesn't get very feasible (mainly financially) in the long term if you have kids going to school when and you have already retired or you are 50+ with lacking energy. That is what i meant when i said "time on hand". Now off course in the dysfunctional Western society, parents just leave the kids on their own and can't wait for them to get off their list of responsibilities at the earliest. Thankfully, I do not come from that culture.

A lot is said and perceived about "how expensive kids are". Yes off course it is a financial responsibility, but if you are normal functional family/couple, and if you believe in the institution of marriage and family, remember that when God gives you a child, every child also comes with his/her own means of sustenance. There will be many ways in which God will test you involving your children, but you should always hope that the one who gives you children also listens to your prayers to raise them well.

Pheeewww... What a long lecture. Sorry for getting carried away. The institution of family and marriage is very dear to me.

AMS700CX4u2 · Accepted Answer

Wise, my father said that babies are their own form of birth control. My mom said that a husband and wife should wait ten years before having children. by then a man should have IT out of his system. Never understood what IT was. If I am correct she was referring to the urge to merge. My Grandmother filled her mind with a lot of mistaken ideas. One that nearly destroyed their marriage was that only whores enjoyed sex. So every time my parents had sex and my dad managed to "take her to the summit" she would end up going to the gynecologist to fix it.

SnowedIn · Answer

There is absolutely, positively no "should". For those who have already written that there is some minimum time, that is a good opinion and that may be what works for them but that doesn't mean it works for that couple or is what you should do.

We had our first child 3 years and 2 months into our marriage, so she got pregnant a little bit after the two year mark.

You already have the answer: you have your first child when you want to and when you feel ready and that gets seasoned and leavened with finances as well as being deliberate about the traveling or partying or whatever activities you want to do without having children at home. And that's important. As you wrote, "simply enjoy time with each other".

Anonymous · Answer

I know a lot of women who get married just before 30 and 9 months after the wedding are pregnant. You are still only 25 so still have time. Everything changes after having a baby, your sex life goes awol though pregnancy sex is awesome. We have 3 year old and sex is between the daily grind of work, looking after the baby and taking care of the housework our sexlife hss been is basically once a week because I've been so tired and then its like looking it and I'm like I'm going back to sleep pull my underwear to the side and do whatever you have to or when the baby was still only 8 months sleeping beside us, we had to sneak out to the upstairs hall and do it on the floor at 3am. I wish I had waited a little bit before starting a family.

TrueConfection · Answer

I came back from our honeymoon pregnant with our first child. We weren't trying, but we decided not to prevent. Well... it only took once!

Anyhow, at first I felt like it was too soon. Later, I was grateful we didn't wait. We didn't have that sense of loss of a private life that other married couples seemed to have nor did we go through feeling like our spouse somehow changed once there were kids. We've basically always had kids!

Apple1996 · Answer

Had a baby a year before marriage then got pregnant with my 2nd like 6 months into my marriage. Best to test out there daddy skills first cuz you don't wanna end up marrying a shit baby daddy then you end up stuck with him.

LazerBean · Answer

Just depends on the couple. We have friends that waited about a year and it's been great for them. We are a considerable but more adventurous, so we are getting some traveling out of our system first.

catiecatie · Answer

So for me I’d like a baby a year or two after marriage. I know some people can’t wait that long and can get pregnant and then married as well. Whenever my husband and I are ready but I’d like at least a year.

Venting101 · Answer

There is no right or wrong time. It ultimately comes down to your body and when it will allow you to actually fall pregnant. I say this because there are people who try for a baby a year after they have gotten married without success

Christsdisciple15 · Answer

I don’t think there’s any right answer and I don’t really think I control my life so much but in my mind I am similar to you in that I would probably want to wait between 6-18 months before pregnancy, but it’s not as if I would be upset or angry if it were to happen earlier or later than that.

sage2021 · Answer

You are already 25 and not married. Hmmmm
Who knows how old you'll be when you get married?
I was 20 when I got married, three years later we had our first and only baby.
If you wait too long to get pregnant, and are around age 35 , chances for birth defects increases with age.
Just sayin'

Subarugirl · Answer

You really shouldn't have a baby until you are physically, mentally, emotionally and fiscally responsible enough for it.

Anonymous · Answer

I’d say it depends on a number of factors. One being your age. If you’re in your early 20’s I’d say maybe two years. Give yourself some time to enjoy that newly wed phase. If you’re much older I don’t think I’d wait that long. Some people try to conceive right away if they have a family member is ill, so they want to give them grandchildren before their time is up. Also depending on your finances, whether you still live at home or not.

melanieeeB · Answer

If both of you are ready and realwant a kid, it's also okay to be married and never have kids

anon171999 · Answer

5 years. And definitely not before both parents are AT LEAST 25.

burlen · Answer

There isn’t a timeframe to have children once you are married. It's up to the couples to decide.

Anemone978 · Answer

I don't know but I waited 2 years after I got married... I didn't really want to have kids but figured I was getting old so I might as well...

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

If you want kids, the safest time to have them to avoid birth defects is late teens to early 20s. By the time you reach 30, the birth defect risk is much higher. After that, adoption becomes more practical if you want healthy kids.

You can have healthy kids at any age mind you, but after 30 its a crapshoot as to whether or not they will be.

Certain clinics can midigate some of the risks by selecting viable eggs and sperm manually.

TenderFantasy · Answer

I think that's like how 90% of women think about that topic lol. What's new? !  I agree with you though.. unfortunately for me, it never truly worked out with any of the dudes I dated so...

PizzaPieMamaBear · Answer

There’s not right or wrong answer. It also depends on age and how many babies you want

EmyyWolf · Answer

Forever, LOL. F-K that SH-T! 🤣🤣🖕

Paulalove98 · Answer

It depends on the couple and where they are in the relationship.

How long after marriage should you wait to have a baby?

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