Can people say one thing and mean something else?

[Anonymous]

I’ve got this male friend who friendzoned me and I take all that stuff as a permanent thing and happily accepted his friendship. Now my mum and my bestie are warning me that men aren’t always to be taken literally about what or who they say they want and they think he fancies me. I have Asperger’s, so I suck at reading social cues. Are they right? He checks me out, helps me get home when I don’t need help, always is there for me when he’s not for many women, opens up to me about everything and he sees a lot of me for an introvert.

[WaterIsland]

Absolutely people can say one thing and mean something else. It sucks. But it’s the reality of the world.


There isn’t enough information in your question to know for sure what is going on tho. Social situations are complicated. Even for those who seem like they have it figured out.


I’d trust and rely on your family and what they’re telling you.

[Asker]

Well, I don’t know how else to describe it. He’s just more attentive with me than he is with other women.

[WaterIsland]

Yeah. And that could be because he considers you a better friend. Or it could be because he likes you in a romantic way. It’s just not easy or straightforward to tell.

Again tho. I’d rely on your family if I were you. They know you best and can help you understand social situations.

[MrCommodore]

Yeah I know what you mean, my ex used to say "I'm fine" a lot, and later it emerged she wasn't fine.

It sounds as if he likes you.

[AdithyaR]

Now it common for people to say one thing and mean the other. However that doesn't necessarily mean everyone does or that this guy is doing the same.
We don't have enough details to know whether he's being truthful or not.
From personal experience he's doing basically things I do for any friend regardless of gender, so I might feel he's truthful about being friends.

Honestly i think you're best is to take his words at face value and consider that he doesn indeed just want to stay friends.

[nudetru]

fuck sure people so dumb. these days they use words in sentences incorrectly. so often, people hear shit repeat it cause it convinced then other wise... or the laughed. so. hard the definition converted it self in the mind via hundred moron syndrome.. is why people often. say did I hear that correctly or did he say what heared or ya you heard me but.. the changes not 10 sec after... n though sure in your mind... you yup your right my bad.. it's just I not with my woman n not walking a dog how silly of me to. be confused

[scooogy]

Today my fav co-worker criticized me to think perverted of women being shown in pictures from behind, just because she wanted to know if in one picture the woman resembled her. I hesitated with answering and suddenly started to grin because I didn't know how to tell her it was suggestive how that woman was shown with like too much of her butt related to the rest of the pic. She asked my other co-worker and he just said "yeah, she looks like you" and she turned to me and said "see, this is how you should answer, you better learn from that"

Later I had explained to her that in my opinion women can be shown in pictures far more decently like from the side or such, and showed her pictures on Google. But then she pointed at pictures with women in bikinis shown from behind and asked me suggestively if I was into such pics. But no, I'm rather decent about such things and don't mean to sexualize everyone and everything.

[Account]

For my sanity's sake, I don't think they do.
I don't like wasting my time thinking of "what ifs".
If someone isn't honest about something that is on them, not on me to guess.
I am sorry but I have limited time on this earth to be concerned about things like that.
If I were you, I wouldn't waste a second of my time thinking about that person.
TLDR: If someone tells you they are not into you, believe them.

[Sunssong]

You should read it.

[panda2712]

I’d agree that yes he’s into you just scared to show it in case you don’t like him

[Asker]

How do I deal with it?

[panda2712]

Do you like him or want to keep him as a friend? If you like him you could ask him if he’s interested to go on a date with you but if you want to just be friends maybe let him know by saying something similar to “hey your a really good friend of mine and I wouldn’t like that to change”

(I too am on the autism spectrum and sometimes I can be a bit too blunt but I can usually tell if someone likes me wether they treat me different to other people or talk to me different)

An other thing if he isn’t interested in you then he’s probably treating different because you are on the spectrum and it’s up to you how to feel about that

[Asker]

I don’t have romantic interest in him.

[Sunssong]

I think he likes you but look he did friend zone you. Those things can exist together weirdly. He has some reason for not wanting to date you.