I reported my own father for pulling my son's hair as ''discipline'', was I right?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are super upset about what happened. My father pulled my 5 year-old son's hair as ''discipline'' to get his attention. He did that because he's not allowed to use a paddle, nor sandal nor belt.

We never hit our child ever nor pulled his hair. I had enough with my father getting away with too much in life. I hated when he used to use the belt or paddle or me and my siblings. That's the only thing he would do as first resort and several times for stupid things such as struggling with a homework.

What he did to our son was my breaking point. This was the first time I've ever reported my own father. We're not on speaking terms on this moment. He doesn't want to speak to me for reporting him and I don't want to speak to him for getting physical with my son.

[Anonymous]

my psychotic mother did the same exact thing to me for those same reasons whatever she could get her hands on she would whip me with whether it be a belt trophies telephone cords pulled hair nail marks up and down my arms till my arms bled teachers knew about the abuse but did nothing my generation suffered like hell at the hands of our parents and if i ever had kids and my psychotic mother ever did a fraction of that stuff to my kid she'd be burried 12 feet deep in the ground so far deep no one would be able to find her cold dead body. i swore if i ever had kids one day i wouldn't do any of that to them like i had done on me

[pethouse]

I work at a graveyard I can help you

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with an abusiver witch of a so called mother. My mother tells me that the idiot of my father said I'm now dead to him. He wants nothing to do with me. Good. He's dead to me too.
Those abusers never recognize the wrongs they did to us. He did the wrong and he's acting like the victim, suddenly I'm a horrible daughter for reporting him, for giving him a permanent record, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

what's worse is when they justify their horrible abusive behavior. my mother has a habit of over justifying her abuse towards me and gaslighting as well. the bullying the picking fights the instigating and provoking it's all just toxic really toxic

[Adaeva]

Proverbs 23:13-14 - Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. (Read More...)

Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Proverbs 13:24 - He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

[D_Bone_Steak]

My Mom tries to touch my kids and I'll break every finger on both her hands and there is nothing she can do about it...

Because she needs her fingers to call someone to report me.

😂

[D_Bone_Steak]

Your father was in the wrong tbh. You don't touch other people's kids unless you really have to in order to keep them from destroying property or hurting you or someone else... but that shit goes for adults as well. Anyone taking things to the physical realm is uncalled for unless you're dealing with someone or something that holds no ability to reason... like a dog. You can't sit a dog down and explain to him that shitting in the middle of the living room floor is unacceptable, but you can hold his nose in his shit and smack the shit out of him and he'll get the idea. I know a lot of people wouldn't approve of that, and I would point out that kind of treatment should strictly be reserved for when it is called for. You pointed out that your dad would resort to it for anything... that leads me to believe he's just fucking mean. And I have this feeling that he didn't even try to resort to reason with your kid, and instead just resorted to how one would treat a dog that shit in the middle of the living room floor. You're in the right... as far as I can tell.

Plus if you don't try to reason with kids, how the fuck are they supposed to learn how to reason themselves? We can't go into work and just pull people's hair or paddle them. Not a good thing to learn in how to deal with people.

[Asker]

He was indeed 100% wrong. We're not on speaking terms at this moment and won't be for a long time. He wants nothing to do with me nor my grandson, to him we're dead. Fine with me. I'm glad to have gotten rid of a toxic person in my life.
My child's safety and wellbeing comes first, above everything and everyone. The idiot of my father will not ever set foot in our house nor be in close contact with our son. It sucks that people like him never changed. Instead of recognizing he wrong he did, he blameshifted, is playing the victim and trying to make me look like the inconsiderate daughter, and I'm mean for reporting him, for giving him a permanent record. Screw him.

[abc3643]

You wrote:
"We're not on speaking terms on this moment. He doesn't want to speak to me for reporting him and I don't want to speak to him for getting physical with my son."

1. Do I think your father's pulling your boy's hair is right? Probably not. However, when a kid is given a command by an adult family member, that kid better do what he or she is told immediately. Why? It just may save his or her life. I am not kidding about that. So, when your father wants your boy's attention, he needs to give it. I am not advocating punishment like paddling or the belt, but YOU as the boy's parent need to teach him to respect authority - especially from a family member. I don't care how you teach that or what method of discipline you use, but you need to get that across. This old adage is very true: Spare the rod and spoil the child. You turned out OK too despite what he did, right?

2. Your reporting of your father...
A) Who did you report him to?
B) Was a little over the top and too far.

3. If I was your father, I'd stop speaking to you too... for a good long while at least. I don't know how I'd react in the long-run over this because that would depend on various circumstances. HOWEVER, I am going to teach you an extremely important lesson about men...

>>>>> Males are evolved to care only if they can "win" - that is, they believe that they can accomplish their goals. Once a male believes he will "lose", he will "abandon hope" and tune-out. Perfect case in point: Sporting events. When many men attend a sporting event for the home team and the home team is being soundly beaten and it is evident they will not win, they will leave the event early... they "head for the exits" before the game is over.

Why is this important in this situation?

It is conceivable that you have lost your father and he will abandon you and your son forever.
I am not kidding.
You see, in his mind, you are raising an undisciplined spoiled child - one who he will not feel proud to be the grandfather of. In a sense, your boy is a waste in his eyes. No point in caring for a "terminally ill", so to speak, child. Time to move on and care about the other family members...

I am not saying this will happen.
I am saying it may happen... especially since you reported him.

If I was your father and I thought your kid was an asshole and beyond hope, I'd tune out and move on too.

[Asker]

No I wasn't ok years ago. I took counseling sessions many times after graduating from HS and used to have a drinking problem. I used to have flashbacks of it many times. It makes me sick that people think hitting kids is the only way to get an educated child.
Our son is on his good behavior most of the times. The few times he isn't, we put him in time-outs or take away his priviledges and it works.
I called 911 and reported my dad to the police. Honestly, I don't care if he cuts contact with me for the longest. You make it sound like I should be apologizing and making amends with him when it's the opposite. I'm not sorry for reporting him.

[abc3643]

I am not saying your father is right. Abuse is abuse and is not acceptable. I am not taking your father's side. But I am trying to explain his perspective.

[msc545]

@abc3643 All of this is just a rationalization for why you think that the mother should let her father physically abuse her child.

That is a very good way to permanently lose parental rights and end up with a very disturbed teenager and young adult if you don't.

[Asker]

@msc545
Over my dead body will my father ever step into our house again. According to my mom (she wants us to reconcile and has been requesting me to make amends), he's basically acting like the victim, wants nothing to do with me nor my grandchild, that I can forget I ever had a father. Fine with me. He can forget he ever had a daughter and a grandchild.

[Asker]

I find it so incredible with types like him. He's in the wrong and yet we're still at fault. lol

[mobiusforniner]

Thats another boomer trait. They do something wrong but expect you, as the loser millenial child, to "respect" them. Its gaslighting at its finest.

Wow. I swear we come from identical families

[Asker]

Here is an update guys:
My mother delivered me the news that the idiot officially disowned me. Well since we're on the disowning business, that's fine with me. I disowned him back too. He won't ever be stepping into our house again. My son won't ever have a toxic person in his life.

[mobiusforniner]

This happened under your roof? Gawd id be so mad

[notwoke]

@msc545 she only wants opinions that validate her own. She reported my post because i called her soft

[msc545]

@notwoke what did you post?

[Asker]

@notwoke
I didn't report anyone.

[Thatpearl26]

While I don’t believe that using the belt or a paddle is a good way to discipline a kid. I believe that you may have gone a bit far with reporting him. I understand how it might be wrong for him to pull his grandchild’s hair to grab his attention but I don’t think it warranted a reporting. For example although your son is a five year old he should already know to respect the adults in his family and listen to them.

In your description you mentioned “ I had enough with my father getting away with too much in life”. It seems like you harbor some negative emotions towards your father from what he had done to you in the past. Which is perfectly understandable but it appears that your father has toned it down considerably as the only thing he has done is pull your sons hair. Which probably doesn’t hurt that much. Again it’s an opinion feel free to challenge it.

To conclude my honest opinion on this is that your father had made a bad decision to discipline your child by force. Especially if you are strongly against it. I grew up with physical discipline which had negative effects on my health such as increased asthma attacks. So I know the long term effects of this. Although I strongly believe that reporting your father was going to far. Instead you should have had a long conversation with him. After if he still continued to do that to your child. Then by all means you should have reported him.

[Asker]

We're not on speaking terms at this moment and won't be for a long time. Great. Meanwhile my mother is sad about the situation and wants us to reconcile one day, my father told her that I'm dead to him and can forget I ever had a father. He wants nothing to do with my son either. Good. By the same token, he can forget he ever had a daughter and a grandson. We don't need him nor his abusive, old school upbringing.

[mobiusforniner]

That's the boomer generation for you. I grew up with my dad coming home from work and whipping me with a belt just because he had a bad day and felt like it. And when I tried to defend myself my mom would beat the hell out of me too.

They claim this is why I'm a successful, disciplined and responsible person today. Never mind I have frequent anxiety attacks, corresponding health issues related to stress and an overwhelming compulsion to accept accountability for things outside my control.

You did the right thing.

[Batsy01010101]

same my psychotic mother was a boomer herself and almost every day got whipped with the damn belt. god i can't wait for that generation to die off fully

[Asker]

I'm so sorry to hear you grew up with abusers. The good news is more people are nowadays against hitting kids, that old school generation is dying. It would be great if it was gone for good. Like you, I can't wait till it finally dies one day.
My father won't ever step a foot into our house nor be near our son again. The idiot has the nerve to still think I'm in the wrong for reporting him. According to my mother, he is now very resent with me and said that I can't forget I ever had a father and my son can forget he has a grandfather, that we're dead to him. Good. He can't forget he ever had a daughter and a grandson. We don't need him, never did.

[mobiusforniner]

Good for you for making this step. It's not easy. I'm also not on talking terms with my parents either. My dad threatened to beat my three year old son one day because "he's too happy" and "needs to understand pain in order to grow". It's fucked up.

[Hulk_kitty]

your dad, is soft touch compared to my mum's dad, he grabbed my ears for jumping in his flower bed. My mum grab my hair all the time when I was young, it did me no harm, it actually made respect authority and scared to commit crimes.

But there is a line you don't cross with children, and that's causing bruising and broken limbs etc. But a little spanking or grabbing hair but not ripping his hair out, just enough to upset him.

But these are your values, I think reporting your father to the police is over board, I would just stop taking him around to baby sit, or not all. I would of only reported him, if he inflicted serious harm to the child.

[Hulk_kitty]

I would say, all depends how much pain he caused your child, and if the pulling hair was a severe case. I wasn't there, so it really hard for me, to completely understand the situation.

[Asker]

He yanked his hair so hard out of frustration that it made my boy cried and screamed so much. My boy isn't one that cries for anything. As mentioned, we're not on speaking terms and won't be for a long time. According to what my mother said, he told her that I can forget I ever had a father and my son can forget he has a grandfather, that we're dead to him. That's fine with me. He can forget he ever had a daughter and a grandson. He's dead to me too.

[Hulk_kitty]

fair enough your decision.

[Alessa13]

It depends if you want to have a relationship with your father or your son to be able to one day with his grandfather.

I have zero relationship with my mother, her choice and I have no idea who my father is.

I understand though, he crossed a line and there is a very good chance he is out of your life forever now and your sons life.

Right or wrong is totally up to you, if you feel okay about it and your okay with having him out of your life for the rest of his life (he will probably die first) then you did nothing wrong.

Time to move on and forget he exists.

I can only say I wish I had a father in my life.

[Anonymous]

I cannot provide legal or medical advice. However, it's important to prioritize the safety and wellbeing of your child, and to take action if you feel that they have been physically or emotionally harmed.

Pulling a child's hair as a form of discipline can be harmful and traumatizing, and it's important to communicate your concerns with your father and seek professional support if necessary. Reporting your father for this behavior may have been the right decision if you feel that your child's safety was at risk.

It's understandable that this situation may have caused tension and conflict within your family, but it's important to prioritize your child's emotional and physical wellbeing. It may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or other trusted professional to help you navigate this situation and work towards healing and resolution.

[Asker]

My child's safety and wellbeing indeed comes first than anyone's hurt feeling, that including my family. My son isn't the type of kid to cry and doesn't scream. My father yanked his hair very hard in frustration that my son was screaming and crying so much. The idiot scared him.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah you did the right thing cause dat fool is crazy and lost his mind putting his hands on your son. It's important to prioritize the safety and wellbeing of your child above all else. It's understandable that you would be upset and concerned about your father's behavior towards your son.

Yanking a child's hair as a form of discipline can be harmful and traumatizing, and it's important to communicate your concerns with your father and seek professional support if necessary. Reporting your father for this behavior may have been the right decision if you feel that your child's safety was at risk.

It's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries in your relationships, even with family members, and to prioritize the emotional and physical wellbeing of yourself and your child.

[Opinion Owner]

I would’ve beat his ass so bad I would’ve been in jail if that was my dad like that to put his hands on my son like that or my daughters. I wouldn’t play when it comes to my kids. I’m sorry that happened to y’all child, I hope he is okay poor baby.

[Googlemyahoo]

I found just threatening to take away & or throw out whatever they’re currently interested in works for listening. Like oh you don’t want to listen ok well guess what this toy goes away forever. Ok ok ok I’ll listen !

At least it did for my son. Daughter just snarls “Go ahead I don’t care!”

[Daniela1982]

And that is why your child will grow up as entitled as no boundaries were ever set. If parents acted the part of parents and not trying to be a friend instead, kids would learn that they can't act up without repercussions. They would learn to fly right.

[Asker]

and you think hitting is the only single way to raise a good adult, to parent, the only way to establish boundaries? Our son is on his good behavior most of the times. The very few times he isn't, we put him on time-outs and take away his privileges. It works fine.
No, we don't act as his friends. We still parents and set boundaries. We just don't hit. You realize you can set boundaries without hitting don't you?

[Asker]

Take a note of what my father's pathetic style did to me:
- I had to take counseling sessions after my HS graduation
- I used to have a drinking problems. Yes I used to be a heavy drinker.
- I had flashbacks of when I got spanked, had self-confidence issues
- Lastly it led me to reporting my father for yanking my son's hair (done out of frustration, in anger) so hair that it made him scream and cried

What does that tell you? If I had to report him it obviously means his so called ''parenting method'' sucks and it affected me.

[Adaeva]

I guess it depends what is necessary. I was seldom spanked and never harshly and now I never am because stern words is more than sufficient and usually just telling me is all it takes, but sometimes I will argue. However, I suspect a boy would be more difficult so light spanking may be necessary, especially when the child is very young.

[Asker]

No, you don't need to spank, hit children in order to get them to respect you. That old school is slowing on its deathbed by now.
Yanking a boy's hair so hard that you made that kid screamed in pain and cry out of fear isn't EVER necessary.

[Adaeva]

The old ways are tried and proven. The so called modern ways means you hate your son.

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 13:24 - He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

[msc545]

@adaeva This is abusive bullshit. Are you capable of thinking for yourself?

[Anonymous]

Don't even feel bad about it.

I hate to say I feel the fucking pain.

He probably should've been reported for doing shit to you and your siblings in the first place.

[Asker]

Indeed. I wish my mother could've reported him back then. My mother was always against corporal punishment on kids but she was scared and supposedly couldn't do nothing. BS. She could've called the cops any time, like I did.
I decided to forgive him to stop being bitter. I didn't want to hold a grudge but what he did to my son was my limit. If there is no thing I won't tolerate is someone messing with, hurting my child, regardless of who it is.

[Opinion Owner]

@abc3643 the example of males leaving the sport event knowing they'll lose... do you think women don't do that just as much?

Also

This "discipline" thing is NOT about discipline and preventing spoilage at all. It's about dumping his own trauma, repressed emotions and fear onto others.

Like bully kids do to other kids.

For example, happened to myself, and I still wake up from nightmares, and get triggered as fuck when I see it happening to my nephews... not only do they get "disciplined", but they get beaten to stfu and stop crying. Read that shit again. Beating a fucking child so he stops crying. Do you know why he's crying? Because he's afraid. What is beating gonna do? Stop being afraid? No, it will oppress him and make him shy for life, he will be afraid of singing, afraid of his own parents, fight or flight mode 24/7/365, and he will push his emotions into his body, creating physiological stress and turning it into unlimited variety of incurable illnesses because the root cause is emotional, no amount of physical medicine will work. That's how people get chronic pain and mental and physical disabilities.

[Asker]

Exactly. My husband and I are still too upset at what he did to our son. We hope he didn't traumatize him badly like my father did to me and my siblings. I hate it when people think that just because I got ''disciplined'' I turned out ok. Nope. I had to take counseling sessions after my HS graduation and used to have issues with alcohol; used to be a heavy drinker in the past. What on earth is there to be thankful about getting forced into submission, being hit and being scared?

[Asker]

LOL at beating a child so he stops crying or when some hispanic mother say ''I'll give you something to cry about''. Why on earth would anyone want to make a little kid cry and be scared?

[Opinion Owner]

Fucking disgusting. Because they're full of evil. Some enjoy punishing children.

[Opinion Owner]

It's commonly a religious thing, as I see other opinions here too. Of course... they even have proverbs 13:24 or something like that saying that good parents love beating their children. Also religious people are too ashamed to drink alcohol, to commit suicide, or to cope by any other means, and are more likely to just repress it until it comes out sideways, and an easy allowable outlet is beating the innocent as the proverb says...

And it's actually the opposite of what @mementomori777 said about the harsh world.
If they grow up under a soft wing, they're going to be sensitive to pain, and when they go out into the real world they'll get scared more easily than a badass mitherfucker who got beaten and has his heart cold, also has repressed emotions. Being constantly in fear is more likely to make you do irrational choices... like fearful cows run into a barbecue wire and chop their own heads off.

Your father likely got beaten as well... who has more compassion? Let's assume that a blind kid runs into you while you're asleep. How will you react? And how will your father react? I think someone who is full of fear because they've been "disciplined" will automatically assume that they're under attack... and will kill that blind one?

Come on it's not rocket psychology.

Why do bullies exist? I know I was sort of a bully at some point. And that's because I had an extremely harsh childhood. The reason I was bullying when I was 11 years old is because I was bullied when I was 6 years old.

I actually remember telling a classmate "stop crying" and I remember how my intentions were to hurt him.

Fuck that.

[abc3643]

I do not advocate abuse.

[Opinion Owner]

@abc3643 I thought you don't. I just disagree with with that men are more afraid of failure so to say, and that fathers who do thos see it as "discipline." I'm pretty sure that on some level they're all semi conscious that all they're doing is reenacting their own traumas.

[Asker]

and I'm stopping what he started, ending that abusive cycle

[Batsy01010101]

my day stuff that happened to my generation got ignored by teachers who knew about the abuse reporting it did no good. back then in my day a child would literally (yes literally) have to be dead before cps does anything about it

[msc545]

He should never have been around your child to begin with and should never be around him again. It is not safe.

If he is, and this happens again, you are very likely to lose your child for "failure to protect".

[Asker]

He's banned from stepping in our house or being near our son. Over my dead body will he ever come close to him. Meanwhile my mother wants us to reconcile one day and is telling me I was too harsh by reporting him and putting a permament record on him. I don't care. My child's safety and wellbeing is above anything and anyone. My son comes first.
My mother told me that he said that I can forget I ever had a father, he wants nothing to do with me nor my son. I think the same. He can forget he ever had a daughter and a grandson. Screw him. Yes it was either reporting him or destroying him myself.

[msc545]

Good!

[Mynameisbobby]

I think you were right for reporting him. That is abuse. There are other ways of getting a child's attention.

[Asker]

yeah putting a hand on my child was my off limit to me. I was willing to forgive everything he ever did, letting it slide except that. I'll defend my child against anyone, including my family.

[Mynameisbobby]

Good for you!!

[MementoMori777]

Did you just give your father a mark on his record for this, I understand you don't want him pulling your sons hair but you could've yelled at him

[Asker]

Someone hurting my son in any manner, regardless of who it is was my boiling limit. He knew very well how my husband and I feel about corporal punishment used on kids. We hate it and he knew that's not allowed in our house. Yet he still pulled my son's hair enough, in frustration and made him cry. I was beyond pissed off by then.

[MementoMori777]

I understand that but the thing is that it wasn't abuse, if he was disciplining the kid for something he did bad, now it's your kid, he was wrong to discipline your child with his method but out of anger you involved police and got him a mark for child abuse which won't go away for this mistake, now y'all are angry at each other, thing is people seem to remember all the bad someone does but not the good, unless he was doing it out of abuse I feel like involving him with police was a stretch, if they arrested him, that's on his record.

[Asker]

Oh so you're excusing hitting kids or pulling their hairs just because they did something wrong? My husband and I disciplined without resorting to violence, without hitting, without pulling hairs and it works fine.
To be honest, I wish my mother would've reported him long ago for what he did to us. He was forgiven for that but hurting my son was my breaking point.

[MementoMori777]

If you are asking if I'm with physical discipline yes, there wasn't enough of it, look how entitled people are now, tour method works for now, wait until he reaches his teen years, he will have more respect for your father than you and your husband, simply because they won't fear you in any way, a kid that doesn't have a form of fear from their parents have no respect for their parents, rebelling is in a teens nature and when you reach that point, you will struggle, but he will now always have a fear and respect for your father due to this traumatic experience, of course it all depends on the situation because there's a difference between discipline and abuse.

[Asker]

Hitting a child with objects or pulling their hair hard and making them cry is abuse to me. A child just obeying you out of fear isn't being respected. It's about obeying and doing the right thing because your conscious will kill you and you would feel bad disappointing your parents, aka natural consequences. Spanking isn't a natural consequences. It's violent.

[MementoMori777]

This world will corrupt your child so fast, there's only so much your form of discipline will do, because everything bad I learned, I learned it from the world, my parents aren't to blame and that's that they disciplined me by whooping my damn ass and that stopped me from doing even dumber mistakes, like punching teachers and stuff, but the rest of the world won't discipline your child your way, you can only do so much to discipline them and the world will rotten them up anyways, fear is important, it helps you survive, you grow him up fearless and he will get himself killed thinking the world isn't cruel, your form of discipline will make him feel loved by his parents but when he goes out there and thinks he will get the same energy from the world he will get caught off guard, I'd rather teach my child that violence exists and let him experience fear than trap him in a bubble and have someone put a bullet in his head because he didn't grow enough fear to be cautious.

[msc545]

@mementomori777Of course it was abuse. What is wrong with you?

[MementoMori777]

y'all sensitive, it was simple discipline

[Batsy01010101]

@mobiusforniner people like her father don't respond to yelling all people like her father (and my mother) do is yell back and gaslight and more yelling and screaming occurs. she had two options either report him or burry him where no one would find his body

[MementoMori777]

Bruh why everyone commenting on my shit 😂

[mobiusforniner]

@Batsy01010101 yes, the gaslighting. Oh god. My mom would make me apologize for them beating me, because I made their day terrible

[mobiusforniner]

Thats messed up. Like, I do support a parents right to spank especially in situations where kids intentionally hurt others, but this is YOUR child. And it doesn't sound like he hurt anyone. How does he think he has right to be physically aggressive with your child? This just makes me mad.

[genericname85]

if you know your dards horrible socialization methods, why do you leave your kid with him? you don't get to leave your child with him and dictate how he's gonna act.

[genericname85]

i mean i don't think it was a smart move from you. cause next time you're in a punch and need his help taking care of the son, you'll be shit out of luck, cause your dad won't want you to remport him another time...

[genericname85]

in a pinch*

[Asker]

Ok I was naive and used to think some people can be given second chances in life. I was willing to forgive him for everything and my son was his 2nd chance. Way before it happened, my husband and I explained to him that corporal punishment wasn't ever tolerated in the upbringing of our son nor in our house. We tried to teach him our techniques.

Him doing that to my son was my last straw. Then the idiot reacted by playing victim, gaslighting, making me seem like the horrible daughter for reporting him and putting a permanent record on him and now officially disowning me. I disowned him back. He won't ever be in my child's life again.

[genericname85]

I think just not letting him have your child again would have been enough. Better than burning bridges that you may later regret.

[Anonymous]

My dad stopped spanking me after he found out it turned me on, i kept getting into to trouble just to get spanked then I'd go to my room and masturbate.

My husband spanks me a lot because I like to be a bad girl.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

No, you weren't right. But I know that's not what you want to hear

[Batsy01010101]

she was right. either that or she should of killed the bastard

[Asker]

@Batsy01010101
That exactly. I was on momma bear mode when it happened.

[jshm2]

You will probably get nowhere. But it seems there is more going on.

[Asker]

I don't need that idiot in neither my nor my child's life.

[hiyamotherfers]

yes my parents did the same and i hate them now

[Asker]

It's ok. You have every right to hate abusers. The update is my father and I officially disowned each other, lol. He disowned me first so I did it back. Fine with me. I no longer have a toxic person in my life and my son won't ever associate with him again.

[hiyamotherfers]

you go girl!

[TheSpaceGnome]

You did the right thing, your dad is an asshole.

[Asker]

Thank and the idiot reacted by cutting me out of his life and now officially disowning me. I applied the same treatment to him too. Fine with me. I've disowned him back.

[FilmGuy93]

I mean... your reaction was probably excessive, but your father shouldn't have touched your son the way he did.

[Anonymous]

You could’ve just communicated with your dad better. That was a crazy reason to report

[Asker]

He knew very well corporal punishment was a definite NO in our household. That has already been communicated from the start. He knew how we felt about it and he pulled my son's hair hard, in frustration and made him cried.

[Opinion Owner]

You could have snapped at your dad and not invited him back for a while.

[Asker]

I was beyond pissed off at that moment. All I could think of is defending my child against anyone hurting him. My husband and I had to comfort our son. This is the first time he ever had a family member doing that to him. He was very scared and crying.

[Opinion Owner]

I get it because a lot of us were hit and want to do things differently than our parents. But i just dont think reporting him was the right step. You know who shouldve been reported but wasn't? My grandma all the times she tried to kill us. Not hurt but kill. She literally tried to smother my baby sis with a pillow out of jealousy over my mothers attention. My mom did not report her but that is a good reason to report someone. Hair pulling is a reason to yell at your dad or pull his hair so he understands how it feels

[Batsy01010101]

no it wasn't crazy she did the right thing. as someone who's been in her shoes i would of done the exact same thing maybe worse much worse to my mother if she ever did that to my kid if i ever had any

[scooogy]

Where have you been all my life? I wish I had a girlfriend like you because that's what I'd do as well. Your child, your care. Nobody else's.

[Asker]

We're more common than you think. Yes my son and his safety (as well as his wellbeing) comes first. I'm no longer on speaking terms with my father. Offically disowned by him (according to my mother). Well I returned the favor and disowned him back, lol. I don't care about him either.

[pethouse]

I mean pulling a kids hair for “discipline” is kinda abuse, I guess it depends, did he tug it or did he yank it?

[Asker]

The idiot yanked it hard and made my son cried and scream in fear. He did it in frustration like he used to do to us when we were kids.

[pethouse]

Yikes, yeah he probably needs some kind of therapy, I’m guessing the discipline he got when he was young was pretty bad but just because someone did something bad to you doesn’t mean you can do bad to others, I’m glad you called but I’m sure they’ll just put him on probation, and not make him get any actual help

[Asker]

Even if they did offer help, it's likely he'll refuse and think he's in the right. He always had the mentality we all grew up respectful adults because of his spankings and how it's discipline (he forgets that I had to take several counseling sessions after my HS graduation, developed a drinking problem and had flashbacks about it... and lastly ended up reporting him... yeah so much for it working, lol).
Now my mother told me he said something else. He told her I now fit the saying of ''Raise crows and they're gouge your eyes out''. So basically he thinks I'm the terrible person for hurting him badly, for reporting him and putting a record on him. We're not on speaking terms and won't be for a long term. Both me and my grandson are dead to him now... he wants nothing to do with us. Fine with me. We don't need him, never did. He's dead to me too.

[pethouse]

Oh no they wouldn’t offer help they’d ether say he has to do it or they won’t say anything, you see when your at court for a criminal charge and they decide you should do something there is no offer, you have to do it or go back to jail

[pethouse]

Yeah I’d honestly just stay away, most people don’t like being held accountable or criticized

[Yellovv]

You are right to upset about it, because if you didn't hit your children ever he can't do that...

[Asker]

Yes and the idiot offically disowned me. One sibling is siding with the idiot while my younger brother and other sister are on my side. My mother wishes we back to the same big, happy family again. Yeah right, no it wasn't, never was. I returned the favor and disowned him back. The abusers trying to play the victims are pathetic.

[Yellovv]

Are you staying in the same house with them?

[Asker]

No. I've been independent since I was 18, a week after my HS graduation. I've lived alone and then lived with my then boyfriend, who is now my husband.

[Yellovv]

No I mean where has that happened in your house or in their house?

[Asker]

In my house while I was briefly away doing some errands and husband was at work. I found my son crying and scared. He told me that grandpa was mean and pulled his hair hard. My mother was in the bathroom when she heard the commotion. She told me what happened and told him to stop twice. I kicked him out of my house and reported him.

[Yellovv]

How he reacted about it?

[Asker]

We've officially disowned each other as of yesterday. According to my mother, he wants nothing to do with me nor my son. Fine with me. I don't have a toxic person in my life anymore.

[Yellovv]

Is he did same to you when you was kid?

[Asker]

My siblings and I all got either the belt or paddle. He used that even if we couldn't understand our homework and got it wrong after the 2nd explanation. Bastard. Idiot.
His excuse for pulling my son's hair was because since he couldn't spank him like he did it to us (my husband and I had previously explained the rules to him; he knew spanking wasn't ever allowed in our house), he felt the boy ''needed discipline somehow''. So he tried to excused by saying that at least he didn't spank him and followed our rules, just pulled him hair though to teach him. Bastard.

[Yellovv]

Better to cut out contact with him, your kids don't deserve it...

[LiamJHayden]

That isn't discipline, that's abuse.

[Anonymous]

Whole family sound like a drama

[Asker]

The idiot of my father started the drama by hurting my child. Off course I'm going to be melodratic and react like any loving mother would. My child's safety and wellbeing comes first.

[msc545]

You are VERY right to protect your child and to have reported your father for child abuse. That said, you are also getting a lot of blowback from political conservatives on this site that perhaps you were not expecting and are not used to. Here is what I think that is all about - and not about:

You are here as Anon, and cannot be identified - that evokes some hostility on this site by itself, but not this much.

While noting this, also please understand that authoritarian conservatives are really all about power and control of others, and all about hurting people (even children) in an effort to punish and control them. This has a lot to do with what is happening to you on here, and is it absolutely useless to argue with these people because they cannot think coherently much less entertain the thought that they might be very wrong - even about child welfare which to sane people seems very clear cut.

Be proud of what you did - it took courage.