I am embarrassed to tell this guy I'm talking to my real job. What should I say I do instead?

[Anonymous]

My mom is elderly and needs help. So I take care of her and I'm actually getting paid as a caregiver to take care of her. I feel kind of embarrassed to tell the guy I'm talking to about that. It's really personal and, well, I went to college for something completely unrelated to health care and got my bachelor's. I took this job so I could support my mom and be here for her 24/7. I feel embarrassed to admit that I am getting paid to take care of my mom.

What should I tell him what I do for work?

Updates

+1 y

The reason I feel this way is because he comes from a rich family where is mother built a successful business by herself and his father is a prestigious professor at a great university. When I got my bachelor's, I had a hard time finding work. I ended up becoming a caregiver for my mom because she ended up needing it. (My parents had me and siblings really late). So I feel like I'm a loser.

Updates

+1 y

I just wanted to let everyone know that I told the guy the truth. He hasn't replied (He's working) so I won't know until later what he thinks.

[ohsheeT]

Okay time out if that guy really likes you he wouldn't care if you said you were an ant farmer it doesn't matter what you have and what you don't have it matters who you are within you are sacrificing yourself your life your future to do the right thing for your parent there are rich people in this world there are poor people in this world there's people that have hearts Souls who do the right thing for the right reasons if he wants to put a label on you let him do it it just means it's not meant to be I guarantee you as a guy Rich Girl versus poor girl I would take the poor girl any day because she knows what it's like to be poor she knows what it's like not to have she's humble she knows what it's like not to take a shower or pay your power bill a rich girl if any of those things were to happen she would be throwing a temper fit she would be out of control she would be a snobby little witch Maybe I do know some rich girls that have a heart but look you can't make a guy like you he either does or he doesn't and if he's going to judge you because of your heart let him do it and let him walk away that's his choice you made the right choice you're doing the right thing I have gone through this same scenario I'm going through the same scenario and I know exactly where you're at I know exactly what you're thinking and it's okay if it's meant to be it will be if it's not meant to be there's a reason for it and it's usually something that you will think God for later on down the road if this guy cannot truly see who you really are and applied you for it and look deep into your eyes and know exactly who you are then that's his fault for not looking deeper

[ohsheeT]

I think that you did great you know I don't care who people are there is nobody better than anybody else they might be richer they might have more material things but guess what when we die we don't have anything neither do they all we have is life experiences to take with us we have our choices that we took and learn from and as far as I'm concerned I think you're a great person don't ever be embarrassed about anything believe me there's a lot of rich people that do not have what you have and what you have is priceless

[Effably]

Just tell him. No need to go into specifics if there are privste matters. If it wasn't your mom that would all be in a NDA anyway.

As a guy I will absolutely not think any less of you for it. If I think differently it will likely be positive. Who doesn't like someone who genuinely cares about people?

What I would do that might seem negative is get a time-frame for how long you will have to do this. That's not because I look down on you for it but because as you said it wasn't your plan. Encouraging you to pursue your plans kn life makes sense to me, or at the very least to consider their viability.

[Jazzy54]

Don’t lie to him. PLEASE. When (not if) he finds out the truth, he probably won’t want to date you. He won’t be able to trust anything you say. Please know that what you’re doing (caring for your mother) is honorable and beautiful. You should not be ashamed of that! If some guy has a problem with that, he’s probably not the one for you.

[DubiousIntentions]

Tell him the truth. Either he will either applaud you or say goodbye. But honestly, do you really want a guy like that? But put the shoe on the other foot. If it were reversed and he took care of his mother 24/7. What would you do? I honestly don't know how you even have time for a relationship anyway if you take care of her 24/7.

[BoopBoopBeep]

The truth. What did you go to school for? Actually I don't care, and neither will he, because whatever it is it's less important than taking care of family. Why is stepping up and doing the right thing embarrassing to you?

[petitedollbabee]

I don’t think that you have anything to feel embarrassed about. If he finds it weird, then he’s a not a nice person. Any decent person would understand your position, and think that you’re kind hearted and family focused.

[Anonymous]

Be honest. If the guys worth while for you he will either not care (its about you) or will love you the more for how much YOU care for your family.

As per you feeling embarassed, you might lead with what your aspirations are (or where) but end with an explaination of why your doing what you do now.

If you feel you can't share that with the guy, emaning its too personal, and also meaning your relationship is very very very fledgeling. If he asks what you do for a job, just say 'at the moment i'm not working' because looking after your own mothers not really a job. That you get paid for it, makes it an IRS concern for sure, but its hoped your doing that because you love you Mum. Telling that like its your job could be taken weird, like taking advantage of your Mum (by strangers). I certainly wouldn't take pay to help look after my parents, but understand maybe you Mum just wants to look after you and is therefore making sure you have a wage and something to say you where working at when you do look for a job (instead of saying out of work).

So my point is, no need to say thats your job. Then you shouldn't need to hide it or be embassed about being decent and doing the right thing by your mother. Something to think on.

[ArrowheadSW]

Taking care of your mom is a great thing. And you have it worked out so you are getting paid while you are doing it. If he can't accept that, he might just be an un-informed individual. On the other hand he might "get it" and be fine with it.

I'm so glad that you have this opportunity to take care of your mom. She must have some major medical issues?

[Asker]

Thank you very much, that makes me feel better. Well, she's kind of blind, she has double vision from a tumor in her head. She's not in good physical shape and needs help walking. She's in pain a lot with her legs. She has a lot of medical issues like being on blood thinners and such.

[Sonorous]

If you feel that you should hide your occupation, then that person isn't the best option for you. Ideally, you'd wanna aim for someone less shallow that will be more accepting. You'll be happier in the longterm.

[AlexisDiani]

You’re no loser for looking after your Mom. Why you aren’t proud of that I don’t understand. If you lie about what you do and he finds out then how can he trust you. If he doesn’t respect you for what you do then he doesn’t deserve you.

[Venymal]

If a girl told me she did that, it would make her more attractive to me. I probably wouldn’t care about your BA degree, though.

[Asker]

But I'm getting paid to take care of her. isn't that embarrassing?

[Venymal]

No, what would be embarrassing is if you didn’t care for your elderly mother. As for your boyfriend’s rich family and high flying parents, he will have to care for them someday. Demi Moore recently moved in with Bruce Willis to help take care of him after his dementia diagnosis. Even the richest, most successful people need care.

[intovertedguy]

Not at all, you're getting that money to help you support yourself while you take care of your mother because you can't take care of your mother and work at the same time. You are a women with a kind heart and there's nothing wrong with what you are doing. This will also give you the chance to find out your boyfriends character, if he thinks what you're doing is wrong or dishonorable he's not the right man for you. If I was him I be even more attracted to you and I would be happy to have a great girlfriend like you.

[intovertedguy]

May I ask you what is your country?

[intovertedguy]

You're not a loser, you're a wonderful caring human being a good daughter and i'm sure you'll be a great wife and mother.

[Asker]

@intovertedguy I'm American

[Asker]

@intovertedguy Thank you so much that really means a lot to me

[Venymal]

Yes, ditto what introvertedguy said. Taking care of your mother IS a full time job.

[Venymal]

And it sounds as though you have given up pursuing your career to do it, which makes you a very loving, caring person. Those are qualities that are attractive to a guy, not what degree or job you have or how much money you earn.

[exitseven]

If you were here I would pin a medal on you. You are doing your best to take care of your mother. Just because you can make a little money doing it does not diminish it.

[sheikalana]

There's no need to feel embarrassed about anything what you can do is take some time until you feel comfortable around him to explain your situation.

[Simslover92]

If he can't accept what you do for work which is very commendable then you should drop him. There is nothing to be embarrassed about with what you do.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Why would you be embarrassed about that? It's an honorable thing you're doing. Your mama needs you and you're putting your goals on hold to help.

[nawtee_me]

Be honest with him. If it were me and you made something up and told me and I found out about it then it would be over between us.

[nawtee_me]

Caring for your mom doesn’t make you a loser; just the opposite. Everyone of us may need someone to care for us when we get old. I find that an admirable quality.

[nawtee_me]

good for you, I wait with you in anticipation

[Asker]

I decided to reply to you since I've reached my limit for updates.

He said he's sorry to hear my mom is not in good health and he thanked me for telling him. He also said it's good of me to take care of her.

I didn't really reply I felt awkward talking about it so I ended up changing the subject.

[nawtee_me]

That is good, I am sorry about your mother too but she is lucky to have you as well. I think he sees that too and would believe he is also lucky to have you...

[Asker]

Aw thank you 😊

[Summeroflove]

I think you should tell him. If he rejected you hypothetically over that… it’s not meant to be and he’s gonna find out anyways.

[Cute_potato01]

To be honest thats pretty smart but I assume it'd legal so I agreed u can tell him. It's not a bad thing. Besides u need to date n get out there

[strateguy632]

"my job is something that i feel awkward talking about but after you know me better i will reveal my job" important not to lie about this issue.

[Sparkie460]

Taking care of a parent is not an easy task. I know, I did it for my parents. I think it shows that you are compassionate, loving and responsible. If he doesn't see that in you then he doesn't deserve you.

[itsalyssaagain]

Don’t be embarrassed for who you are and for stepping in and being the amazing daughter that you are. Your mother is very blessed to have you.

[SphynxUK]

It’s a job? If he doesn’t like the idea of you working it’s his issue.

[Sour-rose]

"I work at walmart. In the back."

[LiamJHayden]

It is honorable to care for older people. If he rejects you over that, he doesn't deserve you.

[Anonymous]

not sure why it should matter to him the real truth until you two are very serious. just say you help take care of the elderly, like...

[BrookeS]

The best thing a kid can do is take care of their parent, be proud

[BrookeS]

Congrats for doing that

[bobthe1st]

I think you should be proud of yourself for helping your mom firstly and as jobs go that isn't a bad one... don't feel embarrassed of things! Why would you? Mom needs help your helping her positive

[Jamie05rhs]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of your mom! I respect you so much for doing that!

[jjj101010]

Nothing wrong with that. It’s an admirable job

[Anonymous]

Please don't be. This alone proves you will be a wonderful wife and a mother

[Anonymous]

if he's mature enough he should understand if not dump him

[Molly1997]

There’s nothing bad about what you’re doing

[Wild_princess]

Well you have to tell him oneday

[Anonymous]

What are you so afraid of? Just be honest.