Should I let my family help me?

[Anonymous]

I went on family vacation to Cancùn and I just got back. I was talking to my stepmom and sisters about my lack of love life and they all said they’re willing to help me find someone. (Mind you I was drunk and I spilt my guts out to them) I told them how I wasn’t good enough for anyone etc. But, I’m still scared shitless.

Updates

+1 y

My stepmom even asked if I wanted a boyfriend one day and I said yes. But, I can’t have one since I’m not in a good position.

Updates

+1 y

Now that I realized it nothing we said was true. We were all drunk and it was a drunk talk.

[Leapfrog00]

I'm not sure. Honestly, when other people try hooking you up with someone, they often find something THEY think would be good for you, rather than take your feelings into consideration. It's usually unintentional and people mean well, but that's what happens a lot of times.

I'd just be careful if you do.

[Asker]

Actually, they did ask what kind of guys I’m into. They did ask me a lot of questions.

[nolabels]

What are you afraid of?

Growing old alone, or putting yourself out there for possible rejection?

Which scenario is scarier to you?

Only you can answer those questions.

Help is usually harder to get the older one gets to be. The help may be now or never.

[Asker]

Actually, I’m not in a good position to be in a relationship. So I really can’t be with anyone.

[nolabels]

I "waited" until I was in a "good position" to be in a relationship.
I feel that I passed on the love of my life while holding out.
That hurt has never gone away.
If someone will accept you when you may not be at your best, just imagine how much more they may love you when you finally do feel that you've "arrived".
You sound just like me.
Listen to your heart, your head will do its job.
I know that I don't know you or your situations.
Please don't waste your youth on worry.
I did.
I regret doing so.

[Asker]

My heart says do it but my head makes me see the reality of things. I don’t want to get my hopes up. If I do, all I’m going to get is disappointment.

[Asker]

Also, I don’t want to put my future partner through my mess. They deserve better than that. I rather stay single than ruin a good thing. I have to do what’s best.

[nolabels]

That's exactly what I used to tell myself.
What if that special someone was willing, more than willing, eager even, to join you on that journey, regardless of outcome, or even the trials along the way.
Looking back, I see friends who were more screwed up than myself who availed themselves of the love of others.

No one is perfect and no amount of living will get you there.
I've found that having someone who will happily "hold my hand" as we go through life together is all we really need.
A hand to hold onto.

I have many regrets.
They ALL stem from NOT pursuing that which I desired.

[Asker]

Even if that special someone is willing to be by your side, it’s still not fair to them. I would encourage that person to find someone else.

[Asker]

I get this really bad feeling that something is going to happen where the relationship is going to crumble real fast. By staying single, I’m preventing that from happening.

[Asker]

And this feeling isn’t going away. Anytime I think about being in a relationship, something is telling me to not do it. That something bad is going to happen but I don’t know what. So I’m doing everything in my power to not let that bad thing happen.

[nolabels]

You do sound just like me at your age, except that there were no forums at that time, such as this one, to express that angst.
I had a loved one in my life to point it out to me and who suggested therapy as a means of helping myself.
I don't know what you may think about therapy, but I began continuous therapy at approximately the age you're now at.
It didn't make my life take a 180-degree turn.
It did help me to allow myself to just f'ing just let go of my fear of life and live.
Things could have turned out better for me, MAYBE.
Things could have turned out worse.
What I did do after some therapy is that I began to "live".

You sound very upset to me, as I was at 30.
I'm not qualified to counsel anyone.
I am comfortable in saying this:
Everyone deserves to be able to "live" their lives as free of fear as they're able.
That freedom can be realized through therapy.

There may be other ways in which to break free of that fear other than through therapy.
Therapy has been my experience.

Look at the word, FEAR.

FEAR.

Keep looking.

FEAR.

Does it look scarily familiar to you now that you've stared it in its face?

It was a huge revelation to me to understand that I was full of FEAR.
I was then able to address that fear and push it out of my life as much as possible, simply by "living".

If that is the case for you, you can get past it.
You really can.
I may be way off base.
I don't think I am.

I do truly wish you the very best.

[Pudsmucker]

Sometimes not being in a good position is always the best position to find somebody. Usually happens when you least expect it. If you reject dating opportunities from guys they'll stop asking you. Sometimes it's good to have some assistance with family or good friends. Take advantage of the help if it being offered. Go on the stupid blind dates. You never know I know a lot of people having blind dates and they ended up marrying that person. There's still married after 40 plus years.

[Asker]

Wouldn’t my partner suffer if I’m not in a good place?

[Summeroflove]

If you feel ready for someone. Because you have said for a long time you never want to date yeah sure let them help you. I wish you the best

[Asker]

Actually, I can’t be in a relationship. I’m not in the right position to be in one.

[Summeroflove]

Then don’t be

[Asker]

I won’t

[intovertedguy]

May I ask why do you say you aren't in the right position to be in a relationship?

[Asker]

Mentally, I’m not ok for a relationship.

[Mansearching]

Maybe since you let everything out, it may help. Listen to their advice and if it makes since, try it. Wouldn't hurt.

[Asker]

I’m still deathly afraid. My stepsister even said the next time I visit, she can help me look for someone. But, I’m just in no position to be in a relationship.

[msc545]

Professional help is indicated here - please get some. You cannot ever replace time, and like all of us, you have a limited amount of it.

[Asker]

@msc545 I’ll be ok if I stay single. Besides, I don’t want my future partner to suffer.

[dudeinohio]

Actually, drunk talk is totally honest. All that you said was true. All filters and inhibitions drop away. It's ok.

[Asker]

Thing is I’m not mentally ok to be in a relationship.

[dudeinohio]

You never know. There could be someone out there with a compatible personality. Lots of people out there, all different.

[Surely]

What kind of “Bad place “ are you currently in? People take chances. Sometimes they work out and other times they don’t.
Good with the bad!

[Asker]

I’m not mentally ok

[Surely]

@sasha0426. Is it you that think you are not normal. Or are you just afraid to trust others?
If you are just selective and picky. That isn’t anything to worry about.

[Asker]

Actually, nothing we said was true because we were all drunk and it was only drunk talk. But, yes. I’m just not good enough for my future partner.

[najekim]

Family is there for all sorts of help. Wouldn't hurt to let them try and it'll make them feel good knowing they are helping a family member "in need." ;)

[AmeerX]

It's good if they genuinely want to help. Take it

[Adogdog]

You are cute. You can find someone!

[Mrgoodstuff62]

Is Cancun dangerous to go too?

[Asker]

Not really.

[Mrgoodstuff62]

I hear stories of people getting mugged by the police and about the cartel

[Asker]

I guess it depends on what part of Cancun you go to.

[Mrgoodstuff62]

Did you stay in a resort?

[Asker]

Sure did. It was really nice and the employees there are really caring.

[Asker]

Though you gotta watch out for crazy drunken people. Had a guy harass my family claiming their room was his.

[MementoMori777]

Yes let em help lol