Here is the way I (20Female) feel about my aunt (62 female) (moms younger sister). Just for reference, she is living in Iran alone (no relatives there with her) and is not married. My parents and I live in the U. S.. (we immigrated 10 years ago, which upset her)
When I was a child, she would gossip about my own mom to me when my mom would drop me off at her house, trying to make me go against my own mom. She also gossiped about my dad. I also noticed she would gossip about my mom to relatives when my mom wasn’t in the room.
I remember one time as a teenage girl I had purchased a few clothes from the mall and when my mother told her about it on a video call, she said something like “Doesn’t she already have clothes?”
Meanwhile, she’s back in Iran (where women cover themselves) with a clothing rack, on top of having a closet filled with clothes. She has nowhere to go, and buys all these clothes (I am not Judging). But she has the audacity to criticize a young teenage girl for buying clothes to wear at school/in public in America?
Another thing I hate is about how she speaks to my parents. Whenever she speaks, it’s like she’s talking down to them. Told my mom to shut up during a video call. In most of those video calls, she gossips about her neighbors/people around her.
She can go days ignoring my mom’s calls/texts.
But if you aren’t able to pick up the phone when she calls, she gets defensive and questions you about why you didn’t pick up the phone.
The first thing she says when she accepts a video call from my mom is “ya why did u call me?” Never once said a proper hello!
This is why I never let my mother hand the phone to me to speak to her. Since she’s noticed that I avoided talking to her, she tells my mom things like “she's forgetting all I’ve done for her (referring to taking care of and feeding me when I was young)
Am I the bad person for choosing not to speak to her? My mom says I should speak to her since she’s all alone. What would you do?
When I was a child, she would gossip about my own mom to me when my mom would drop me off at her house, trying to make me go against my own mom. She also gossiped about my dad. I also noticed she would gossip about my mom to relatives when my mom wasn’t in the room.
I remember one time as a teenage girl I had purchased a few clothes from the mall and when my mother told her about it on a video call, she said something like “Doesn’t she already have clothes?”
Meanwhile, she’s back in Iran (where women cover themselves) with a clothing rack, on top of having a closet filled with clothes. She has nowhere to go, and buys all these clothes (I am not Judging). But she has the audacity to criticize a young teenage girl for buying clothes to wear at school/in public in America?
Another thing I hate is about how she speaks to my parents. Whenever she speaks, it’s like she’s talking down to them. Told my mom to shut up during a video call. In most of those video calls, she gossips about her neighbors/people around her.
She can go days ignoring my mom’s calls/texts.
But if you aren’t able to pick up the phone when she calls, she gets defensive and questions you about why you didn’t pick up the phone.
The first thing she says when she accepts a video call from my mom is “ya why did u call me?” Never once said a proper hello!
This is why I never let my mother hand the phone to me to speak to her. Since she’s noticed that I avoided talking to her, she tells my mom things like “she's forgetting all I’ve done for her (referring to taking care of and feeding me when I was young)
Am I the bad person for choosing not to speak to her? My mom says I should speak to her since she’s all alone. What would you do?
Updates
10 mo
Thank you so much for your helpful response :) I truly appreciate it. Wishing you the absolute best in life. <3
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Hmmm to be completely honest with you, I feel like you are missing details of why this situation is the way it is (probably because your parents aren’t being transparent). Not siding with your aunt here, just saying your parents have more access to tell you why your aunt may be acting this way. Now personally you have a choice to personally not talk to who you don’t want to talk to and I think you have valid reasoning as to why your aunt puts a bad taste in your mouth.
Thanks for your response.
My mom thinks it’s the loneliness that has made her act this way. When all her siblings got married and left, she was the one who stayed to take care of her mom (my grandmother). And after my grandma passed away, she was left all alone (she got 2 dogs as a result of her loneliness).
But does this justify all the gossiping/rude attitude she has towards people? She’s not the only lonely person in this world…
@asker personally your aunt may be upset that she is the only one that stayed to care for their mother , although the gossip isn’t justified , I think her overall frustration is understanding.
So if you were in my position, would you still speak to her?
Most likely not, just because I’m not into family drama Bs, however I would completely understand her frustration with her siblings because personally I’m going to be pissed if my siblings leave me hanging with my parents to care for them too
Thank you so much for your helpful response 🙂 I truly appreciate it. Wishing you the absolute best in life. ❤
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