Father figure in a professor?

[Anonymous]

Through the years I developed a good relationship with one professor (a thesis mentor) on the faculty. I finished college already but I still have a little bit of contact with him because we are finishing a research paper together. I realized that one of the reasons that I like working with him so much is probably that he sort of represents a father figure to me (this realization shook me to my core, and it took me a while to process) since I never really had a father. He is a very nice and caring person overall and a lot of times went out of his way to help me or give me an advice.

I am lately thinking a lot about the fact that when we finish this paper, which will be very soon, I will probably never be in contact with him again. I don't want this to happen, since I think that this relationship is giving me something very special. I don't really know what to do about this or how to resolve this internal problem within myself.

Do you have any advice or thoughts about this? Thank you!

[abc3643]

To best answer this, what will your job be once you finish?
(Is this a PhD?)
If so, you can do a post-doc and continue working with him for years cranking out papers related to the research area. I've known a few PhDs who wrote several papers with thesis advisors or members of their doctoral committee.

If not, then just exchange emails over time. I would if I could but most of my professors are dead now and some... well... I don't want to talk to them or they don't want to talk to me.

LinkedIn is a good way to stay connected too. So consider that.

If you want to PM me about this stuff, feel free.

I understand the feeling you have because I get the receiving end of it here sometimes like "I wish you were my father." or "I wish I could talk to my father like I can talk to you.", that sort of thing.

[Asker]

It is not a Ph. D. I have a regular job in the industry.

I am writing this article on the topic of the thesis I was working on during my studies (it doesn't hurt to publish an article afterward) and it also gives me a little more time with him, which I enjoy.

Do you think it would be weird if I tell him I would want to stay in touch with him afterward? Ideally, I would also want to meet with him again from time to time but don't really know how to put this into words, not to sound weird. I like what kind of person he is, I like to talk with him and hear his overall more experienced and wise perspective on things.

I worked with him for quite some time during my studies and also now for this article. Because I have a job outside of faculty we also stopped meeting at the faculty to discuss things. Instead, I came to his home a couple of times and he came to mine since it was more practical for us both. Since he did take all of this time and energy to work with me, I think there is hope to maybe build some sort of relationship with him also in the future. But again, all of this was studies related, we never met to just talk. So I am still afraid that it would be weird if I say anything to him, since now I have finished my studies, therefore, there is no real reason anymore for us to talk.

[abc3643]

You wrote "Do you think it would be weird if I tell him I would want to stay in touch with him afterward?"

No. It is fine. This is the basis of networking which is critical to survival in the working world.

[exitseven]

I have been teaching computer science for a number of years. I still am in contact with a few of my former students. Nobody sees me as a father figure but they have asked me for career advice and have emailed me about their current situation.
Your professor will be happy to hear from you and will be happy to have made a difference in your life.

[scintojoseph]

Make sure you tell him and try to get his number. My EMT Professor really played a father-figure role in my eyes and I still talk to him and he's my go to guy when I need some wisdom.