Am I really scaring away men and other people?

[Anonymous]

I'm getting ghosted, dates that ended after just a couple days or 1 month of knowing each other, 2 relationships that never leads to commitment (longest one was 3 years and then barely making it to 1 year), two men canceled their trips (one was from Australia and another from France) and lastly my parents' close friend once said ''is your daughter (me) coming to the reunion again, I don't have room for more people''?

My own father said I'm too complicated and he thinks some of my ideas are somewhat radical and too strict. Now he thinks the problem is really with me and that I'm really scaring men and others away. What hurt was his own words of ''If we weren't your parents, you would be nearly impossible to live with or get along with, keep it up and you'll be single forever''.

I used to consider myself humble, easier and not really asking too much. So I'm really scaring people away without even realizing it? I'm now 30 and worried to be honest.

Updates

9 mo

I really don't know what I'm saying (or not saying) wrong, what I'm doing wrong at that moment. I'm just trying to be myself and find someone that accepts me for the real me... and bang, I scare everyone away.

Updates

9 mo

I have a hard time making friends too, always did.

[strateguy632]

your parents know your habits so probably they are accurate. i read the examples you wrote, to guf, here, i agree no spanking physical punishments. i agree dump a cheater. those are common opinions. but maybe the style of speaking and nuances can be adjusted.

[ProbablyClueless]

If even your parents are saying this, it's probably true.

Obviously I don't know the first thing about you, and I don't know what your family life is like, but if your family gets to the point of saying that you're chasing people away and that you're a difficult person, there's probably a lot of truth to it.

[HateyouxD]

Instead of taking things in and internalizing them... ASK people why do they ghost. Why do they do the things they do. Not just accept it. I wish I understood this when I was younger. I relate to your story. I hope you feel better

[Asker]

I will. My father told me it has to do with my personality. He said I'm complicated and come out of too strong.

[LazerBean]

It's very possible. It's much more likely that the problem is you rather than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

What are your radical ideas?

[Asker]

Things I find no middle grounds nor will I ever compromise:
I don't believe in spanking kids ever.
I'm an atheist
I'm always on time and punctual on everything (ex: if I need to take a medication at 8pm then it's at 8pm, bit 7:56 pm)
A cheater should be ditched right away, no if nor but, no 2nd chance ever

[Asker]

I tend to be assertive sometimes and less of a follower.

[Opinion Owner]

None of that is at all shocking to me but I live in the UK, it is possible you are having problems due to cultural norms, perhaps you should try to date someone from another country?

The punctual thing just makes you a crazy person but everyone has their triggers, I suggest you just accept that you are a crazy person and try to work around it.

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't date a religious person.

[Asker]

Not sure if this is also a concern but sometimes I can get into a detailed, long conversation and can't tell if/when someone is starting to get bored or dislikes me. I can go on and on without thinking or noticing it.

[Opinion Owner]

I suppose being unaware of what others are experiencing could be a problem but you could probably also argue that if someone doesn't want to hear what you are saying then they should say so / you are talking to the wrong people.