Is my father wrong in thinking you should defend your child no matter what?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I think differently. It's one thing if my child is treated unfairly by someone for no reason but if my child for example is caught in the wrong (for instance bullying a classmate), I'm not going to enable and defend the bad behavior.

We have a 10 year-old daughter and a 7 year-old son. Our son got caught taking a small toy from a store. We went back to the store and made him return it. Spoiling him or doing nothing about it just because he's our son would be enabling it and letting him get away with it or more things when he's older.

How father thinks someone should defend their child no matter what, even if they're in the wrong. I disagree 100% on that. I will defend them if they're in the right but if they're in the wrong I'm not supporting the wrong action. You can still love your child without being an enabler.

[genericname85]

hell no. you don't wanna rise an irresponsible asshole. if your kid is in the wrong, you should teach your kid how to PROPERLY behave when they are in the wrong. meaning:

A: correct the wrong behavior and

B: making up for whatever harm you did to the people you wronged.

i completely agree with your view. i think you're doing a disservice, being a shitty father to your child if you do not reprimand and correct wrong behavior.

[Asker]

Exactly. It's our job as parents to produce future decent, responsible adults. If more parents actually took their jobs seriously, things would be better and there would be less entitled, selfish, spoiled brats.

[genericname85]

exactly. teach to be wrong in a dignified way instead of never accepting that you've been wrong.

[genericname85]

like you should talk your kid to stand their ground. for sure. but not when they are wrong.

[genericname85]

teach not talk**

[Fireguy17]

No, you did the right thing.
This whole me generation where no one is responsible for their actions has just gotten way out of hand.
You are not doing the kid any favors at all.
Everyone should learn that there are consequences to everything you do, good or bad.
Whenever the phone rang at the house my dad would always say what did he do now?

[Asker]

Indeed and that's where all the spoiled kids come from. They tend to get a dose of reality if they're out in the real world and there comes a time their parents can't save them from everything.

[LazerBean]

I totally agree with you. I know a lady who had a absolutely pathetic excuse for a son who she would always defend. Then we find out he's been molesting various children for years and she knew about it! Including her daughter, his half sister. The world would be a better place if parents and children like that just dropped dead.

[Asker]

I find enablers just as bad as abusers. They are allowing the abuse to happen and do nothing about it, do nothing to make the world a better place. They are directly choosing evil over good.
If I was that mother, I would've given the choice to turn himself in to the cops NOW before I do it myself. Then I can visit him in prison, where he belongs.

[provokeesmokee]

Yeah, I'm surprised you turned out as well as you did with an enabler father. Good job!

[Asker]

It takes growing up and being in the real out world, far from home (when I was accepted at college and had to go to another state) and not having daddy around to save you from every single trouble to give you a dose of reality. I learned it long ago and it was for the better.

[provokeesmokee]

I hear you. I went through similar with my abusive family.

Happy you're doing better in life!

[Thumper2thump]

I agree with you. I am a mother of 2 boy's now 23-25. I never enabled my boys, but did aways have their back's. My youngest son was caught stealing at 13. not only did i make him return it i also had them call the police. They did take him in and let him sit in a cell for a time. scared my son straight. now he is the hardest working young man i know.

[Asker]

I'm glad to see someone that actually cares about parenting and teaching right from wrong. Wrong is wrong, regardless of who does it. It would be great if more people were like us.

[artgorgeous]

From what you described - you are right.

[Asker]

Thank you. It would be great if more parents took their jobs are parents seriously.