Why do all of my friends always fuck me over in some way or another?

[Anonymous]

Almost every single one of my friends owns me some kind of money. I have one friend who I been cool with for awhile that was just telling me I need to cut off my other friend since he owns me $500 . I just loaned said friend $50 last week he promised to pay me back 6pm today but then decided to spend the money on mass gainer instead and says he only has $50 left. Sends me a screen shot saying he sent the money am like no that clearly says I sent you the money. So he asks for tm PayPal I request the money from him still has not sent it but talking to me like nothing happened.

I often help my friends but only if they truly truly need money I never let my friends go hungry or go without even more so if it’s for bills. I am becoming super bitter since none of my friends ever pay me back so I no longer will loan shit to anyone even if they will end up homeless.

Updates

+1 y

Still dude texting me about random stuff like he don’t own me about $350. I only asked for $50 he will be making 2-3k next week and I bet he won’t pay me a single penny back

[lightbulb27]

I've had a "friend" like this and best advice I can give you is to find new friends. To me this is about who you are as a person and you are drawing abusive people. There are a lot of corrupt people out there and some that think very differently than you do, don't have your values and honesty. My guess is you won't steal a dime that isn't yours and you are kind and generous. There are people that love to prey on people like you and abuse you. If they hurt you, they feel strong and powerful and good. They are sick. Get away from them.

I'd never lend money to a friend. I'd either give it or not. I've lent money to individuals whom were in bad spots and that is a terrible idea, never get it back. They are in a bad spot for a reason... they are poorly disciplined and they make bad decisions.

The lesson in this isn't that they are fing you over, it's that you need to learn about who you are, whom other people are, and how to protect yourself. Your loses on this are small... and if you learn, it will save you 10's of thousands over your lifetime!

So after doing battle with these peole emotionally, you can thank your lucky stars they were in your life and only robbed you of a few dollars and didn't screw you for 10, 50, 100k or more. Thus you've gained wisdom, and it's worth it.

Learn to trust your gut about people. You have some growing to do.

[Asker]

The most I lent out was about $500-600 never got it back. You are right I have a lot of friends to cut out of my life who take advantage of my kindness using me for money or as a personal therapist.. it’s hard since this I truly who I am as a person they are making me become very bitter

[lightbulb27]

yes, you have some growing to do. I've been through this. This is about you not them in my opinion. You cannot change others but you can learn to identify these people quickly and guard against them. Ask me more if you want to know or you can explore on your own. You can't cut the whole world out. What you can do is learn to use your God given gifts of empathy and compassion to identify corrupt people, and recognize right now, you are not in a place to deal with them.
It's not easy being a "caregiver" type of person, with a heart. These others will chew you up, so you have to know how to handle their "needy" and "greedy" spirit.

[Asker]

I’ve been trying to loan out a small amount see if they pay me back if they do I loan out more in the future but that has not been working. I have one friend who won’t loan out anything unless they give him collateral

[lightbulb27]

yes, that be only way, but that's bad as well. if you know hat many people that need help, must be an area that is a mess. it's a good test of honesty. you can achieve the same with $2. it wouldn't shock me if these people are just playing you as they know you are a "nice" guy. they don't care.
you'll need to learn from this before you go anywhere near being a manager.
could it be you have "trust" issues... that is... you trust the wrong people? I can make a lot of assumptions and could be wrong, but it's opportunity to look at your life... for damage, and repair it. It (emotional wounds) reflects into everything you are. It depends upon motivations.
don't even get me started on sales people like brokers and such. you gotta know yourself first...

[lightbulb27]

cuious, did you take some bullying from family or environment, verbal abuse along the way and just "take it"? more introverted?

[Asker]

I do have more of a introverted personality but becoming a bit more social since my ex girlfriend forced it into me. I don’t really take bullying from family but I have allowed my family to hold me back by helping them out of emergencies money wise instead of putting myself fear. Like I was gonna buy a car but ending up spending 3k helping my mom out

[lightbulb27]

what does "putting myself fear" mean? The rest makes sense.
your environment sounds messed up.
I like what I heard of your X there...
nice to help family, that's good. Do you get any support... from anyone?

[Asker]

Sorry I meant I never put myself first. No the only person that give me any kind of support was my ex girlfriend

[Asker]

Yea family life is toxic everyone bad with money but my older brother.

[lightbulb27]

It's clear you live in a mess, but it isn't clear the dimensions of the damage. Your X sounds... good. Id seriously consider counseling/therapist... to explore what stuff is messed up, broken, and ways to manage your environment.
It just gets harder as people get older, so you want to be in best shape possible emotionally. I hope you know Christ or some higher diety. Why you ask. Because people are going to lean on you since you are the caregiver. You can read about that personality online or books.

[Asker]

I lost any faith I had in a higher power a long time ago but I just started attending a catholic Church to meet more people since The only decent friends I had were catholic. I do a see therapist once a week she thinks I need to move out on my own but I can’t do too personal issues. My ex wasn’t a bad person but she’s far from perfect and has done some serious damage on me She also comes from a toxic family.

[lightbulb27]

you sound reasonable thinking and doing the right things. I hope they can help you. I went through all that. I understand the faith challenges, mine is strong now. Catholic I'm not a huge fan, but everyone is different... it's ok, it's what you get out of it. That's good you found decent people! You really need some good positive role models. there are decent people that won't borrow from you or be honorable.
Also, don't just trust someone because they go to church. that's flawed idea... not saying you said that or thought it, just passing on my experience. Some people are amazing in good place, and some very lost.
Yes, women will do a number on you. "stone sharpens stone". You are in a serious growth phase of life... which generally means time to find the damage in childhood and repair it.

[Asker]

Yea I been slowly fixing my childhood issues I got a very apology for someone that hurt me badly, which was nice. I am in n out of school trying to better myself on my way to making $30 a hour in 2 months then $50 a hour in 12-24 months if Lucky. I do make friends with all kinds of people but most of them just using me for dating advice and make zero effect to improve their life’s

[lightbulb27]

are you needy? are you ok saying no to people. can you say no and feel ok? that's boundary number one.
ok, good to hear! it's all a process of discovery...

[Asker]

I’ll learn how thank you to everything so far

[lightbulb27]

Good, agree. and don't give up on Jesus. maybe you are living the life of "Job"...

[Asker]

Really hoping I am not … job life wasn’t easy at all

[lightbulb27]

yes, agree. hope for better and count the good fortunes. that's a great way to start tomorrow, I'll do the same. reflect on gratitude.

[Asker]

Normally when ever something good happens to me something equally as bad happens, or for worse

[lightbulb27]

ooo... I used to have thinking along those lines. That's cursing yourself. Gotta get out of that mental loop. Lies of the adversary.

[Asker]

It’s not even think I pass a big test for school then 1 hour later soMething reAlly bad happens

[lightbulb27]

I need to think about what was going on in me to give an explanation as to why that happens. It's oppressive. talk to you therapist on this for strategies and id like to know what they say.

[lightbulb27]

the answers to most issues are in your childhood and how you interpreted the issues you had to deal with. If you are a more sensitive personality, which fits the profile of what I know, then emotional things are stronger to you. If you experienced losses or abuse, that be impactful to how you interpet things now. That be where I'd be searching with the therapist... find traumatic events, resolve those that have a grip on you. I went to Christian Counselor, I like those approaches. I'm not sure how regular therapist addresses these issues. Either way, you have to resolve those traumas, to free up your mind and energy to see differenty, and practice new patterns of thinking. that be the way out.

[Iron_Man]

Things happen. It’s horrible even the Bible talks about that betrayal

[Asker]

True true

[Iron_Man]

Yes….

[Asker]

But I am a mean of my word

[Iron_Man]

Well, that’s good because very few people are a man of their word

[Dinklex3]

They are not your friends.

I’ve given friends money before as gifts. I knew their financial situation so I didn’t expect anything in return. They also didn’t ask.

I had one high school acquaintance ask me for money. I gave it to her once. She said she’d pay me back but I had no expectation of her doing so (but didn’t tell her). 2 years later she asks me for money again. She didn’t acknowledge the first time she asked and never paid me back so I just blocked her.

You have to know who is truly your friend and who is just taking advantage and using you for money. They’re screwing you over because you’re letting them.

[jennifer_bloom]

The way I see it is, give gifts and not loans, and if you won’t offer it as a gift, don’t loan it out. I’m not rebuking you in any way for being kind, but you have to put your foot down by saying no when you do not have the desire to help a needy person and agree out of fear or pressure. If you give in, you let others control your mood and your time and your freedom and you don’t have an obligation to let them control you.

[Asker]

I helped them out since they promised to pay me back but never did. I don’t mind given kids I got 3 of my close friends their first gaming systems but I don’t give money as gifts

[Anonymous]

They see you as easy, so they are taking advantage.

[Asker]

Pretty much like I only give him the money because he wasn’t gonna be able to pay his bills after loaning money to family that refused to pay him back 4 days ago.

[MrOracle]

Your friends need to go hungry.

[Asker]

That’s the plan from now on

[Mynameisbobby]

Sounds like you need to find some new friends for sure