Am I wrong for not wanting my grown kids to live with me anymore?

[hunnie-bunches]

I literally have an almost 25-year-old that has a three-year-old that does not want to leave my couch. He doesn’t work. All he does is stay on his PlayStation all night long while his child gets into everything and tears my house apart. his excuse is he hast to keep his kid. The mother of the child works and goes to school and lives with her mom while he keeps the baby here. My soon to be 20-year-old daughter has a filthy nasty room has been without a job for mine finally gets a job and she’s called in twice in the month that she’s worked there. I’m struggling financially, and they do bare minimum if they do anything at all. I’m seriously thinking about moving out and not telling them where I go! my youngest will be 18 in December.

Updates

+1 y

I see all these people on Facebook talking about you’re a mother for life not just until they’re 18 and I’m gonna have my children’s back forever no matter what it makes me feel guilty but at the same time I’m struggling and I feel like I’m being taken advantage of because they know How I am

[FunkyMonkee]

You ARE being taken advantage of!! Being there for them all your life is one thing, paying their way all their life is another! They need to get out on their own and find a damn job!! Staying with you is fine AS LONG AS THEY HELP PAY THEIR WAY!! It CAN'T ALL be YOUR burden!! Obviously, they are now adults and SHOULD be able to fend for themselves!! Start charging them rent to help you pay the bills and, if they don't, give then the boot!! when he got his old lady knocked up, they both should've started trying to figure out things like, getting a baby sitter for the kid or who can work what hours so one would be able to keep an eye on the kid, etc.. As YOU probably know, having a kid is NOT just a happy fling and, once it's here, you don't have to worry about anything else!
Get rid of the game boy and tell him to start looking for a job, a baby sitter or a day care!! Mommy did her bit! Now, it's YOUR turn!

[FunkyMonkee]

Mind you, I see nothing wrong with them living with you after adulthood, as long as they do something with their lives and help to pay the bills!!
Dad spent most of his life in grandma's house, which he bought from her shortly before she died and I stayed there all my life, too, until my evil, greedy bitch ex-sisters fucked mom & I over after she died 7 years ago! Mom was very glad that I was around to help her in her last few years, otherwise, those two cunts would've put her into a nursing home and sold the house years before!
My cousins did the same to their mother and she was PERFECTLY capable of taking care of that big house all by herself!! She was in her 90's and even I had trouble keeping up with her!! As soon as they forced (tricked) her into that home, she withered away and died within 2 years!! 3 weeks before her 100th b-day!! Had they left her the fuck alone, she might've made it to at least 110!!

[Anonymous]

Sure you’re a mother for life, to help them in times when they need it. But this just sounds as though they’re leeching off of you. Like they’re not even trying. Where’s their father? If that was my son I’d kick his ass out. I mean if you can’t take care of yourself how can you help them? You might be able to for a little while but this should t be a forever thing. I don’t even understand why the mother of your grandson doesn’t get onto your son about working. I could understand if they were helping w rent, utilities, food, etc, but doesn’t sound like they’re doing a damn thing.

[IslaTheWitch]

I told my kids that after they hit 18, they should start thinking about living independently. Both adults live on their own. The youngest is still a teenager, so she lives with us, but the time is coming.

I'm a parent for a lifetime, but it doesn't mean we must live together.

[scentoflavender]

They have to leave the nest sometime. I know it hurts. As a mother you want to make them happy. But unfortunately in doing that, you're hurting them in the long run. It's time for some tough love. Best of luck.

[madhatters4]

i think it's one hing to have your adult children at home while they get themselves professionally and financially situated. that means working, saving, preparing for life alone. also kids may move back in with parents due to other extenuating circumstances.

but it sounds like in your case your kids are taking advantage of a situation. to be fair some of this is on you. clearly they feel entitled to your charity. i think you need to start drawing lines in the sand, so to speak. start defining expectations. if they are going to live there they need to pull their weight (clean, earn money, pay some sort of rent). make it clear that you aren't going to tolerate free loaders and that living with you should be seen as a temporary thing until they are prepared to live on their own... which they need to be working towards

[DannyUk2017]

Ohh.. how Good is in Western Culture...
At the age of 16 i was an "aprentice" for a timber company (i was living with my grandma), at the age of 18 start working at tge veggie market, not long after that my grandma told me"you are 18 now, you're a grown man, you'll need to find a place soon to Start your Own life/Family", wasn't happy at all that she Said that to me, but i'm Glad i Did it! As Life teaches you lots of things in terms of... Surviving, Personality, Responsability, Risks, etc, etc... so i will Never Understand that Kids even past 18-20 they still "stay and play games" and live on parent's back...🤷‍♂️

[DryGermanGuy]

Communicate your rules and threaten them first of what you will do otherwise. That loser son should get a job, any job, or you sell his PlayStation. And why not drag the father-of-the-year in front of a judge and ask for child support, even a small sum would clearly help.

[hunnie-bunches]

Father of the year lives in Detroit, and since I’m not well, I’m welfare Kentucky does not care to press the issue. We had four children together three have become adults since then, and they still haven’t set an order on our last child.

[BourbonAndBacon]

Downsize to a studio apartment. They'll get the hint and figure out their life when they have to. But if you don't give them a reason to move out, they won't. You raise kids to be independent and if you do a good job they won't need you when they are adults

[Anonymous]

Where’s your sons dad? Maybe he can go live with him, your son is old enough to be on his own and his girlfriend can take turns watching the kid or her mom. It would be nice running away from it all but you’ll lose the house. If you’re son doesn’t work but has a kid he can definitely collect welfare and food stamps to help you out but he definitely could be on his own

[hunnie-bunches]

Oh, it gets better. He does get food stamps and he put them in the girlfriends mom‘s house. My kids dad lives in Detroit Michigan and has no accountability. He doesn’t even pay the child support.

[hunnie-bunches]

Also, I don’t own the house I’m just renting in my lease is up November 1

[hunnie-bunches]

He’s the father of all my children, and ended up being abusive and going to prison for it along time ago. His reason for not helping me take care of the kids because I shouldn’t of had him arrested.

[Opinion Owner]

He is still liable for child support and you can take him to court. If your lease is up in November then you can leave and let the lease company deal with removing the moochers and get a one bedroom apartment for yourself, just tell the kids they have till next month to get their shit together, maybe take your youngest daughter with you because nobody can really make it on their own at 18 these days

[hunnie-bunches]

I literally applied for Child Support seven years ago. They never set an order. It’s been stuck in the process for a minute because he doesn’t work. He gets government benefits from being in the army, and my children are not entitled for some strange reason.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know how he managed that, I guess it depends on the state you’re in , my ex wife got it taken from paycheck through child support services immediately, had to pay for 5 years or they take away your drivers license and then you go to jail. Hope you get it eventually and all the back pay for 7 years. I guess because I’m responsible and had a full time job the whole time I was more vulnerable. People who have nothing to lose get away with everything

[exitseven]

When my kids graduated from college I said that they had one more year of living here for free then I was going to charge them board. They all moved out when the year was up.

[Pyrofox]

Just give them the harsh truth they got 1 week to maintain a clean living space THEIR living space or they have a week to find new living.

[Pyrofox]

If he fights it just say it how it is that it looks like a disaster just rolled through. And this isn't the life style you taught him its genuinely embarrassing.

[jahaims]

You failed as a parent. So you can decide to deal with the consequences or let them figure life out for themselves because you obviously don't know how to help them be mature adults.

[hunnie-bunches]

Let me guess, their dad should be given an award.

[love_conquers_lust]

I think it's funny that you're the one who wants move out, it's so bad. Yes, they should want to be on their own, or at least keep the house in pristine condition

[TheSpaceGnome]

The smart thing to do is be a multigenerational household. Don't fuck it up, add to it, make it too big to fail.

[JohnK123]

Do they not live in a dorm at college or something? Tell them ur gonna kick them out if they don’t find a job or something. I’m going to college next year :)

[dolemite58]

you should have had boundaries about not letting them mooch off of you from the get go

[Evelyn99]

Yeah you are horrible.

[midnightmoon05]

Too late.