Am I wrong for not wanting my man around his kids?

Question

My boyfriend said he's willing to neglect his kids for me because he knows it bothers me that he's around those kids more than me. Am I wrong?

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

Yes, you are wrong. When you get in a relationship with a person who has kids you have to understand that the kids will always be their first priority. You should not compete for a spot in his life. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you but love towards a partner and the love towards your child is completely different. You're being jealous and selfish. And to be fair the guy you're dating doesn't seem to be a good person either, saying that he's willing to neglect his kids for you doesn't sit right with me. You might think that's so romantic and all but that's just very wrong is not his kids fault that he can't manage having a partner and kids at the same time.

A_Bell · Accepted Answer

This is why failed marriages often don't work out for the divorcées.

Marriages need to be partners first, children second or they self-destruct.

If you remarry or even have another significant relationship, you either have to drop down the status of your kids under that of a newcomer or treat a potential partner as a second class relationship.

It's best to work on finding a quality first husband and working through minor issues that don't involve abuse.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

you're man - Are you married?

This is messed up and you all need help to establish values, or else...

You have ea right to your feelings, but this is messed up. I'm not saying it is atypical of women though... they are protective of their security, their offspring. That's nature. But there are other humans involved.

I'm a step dad, I'm around other step dads, and multiple parent families... ask away. It's a tough job at times and maybe not all are suited for it. If your heart can't handle or willing to make some adjustments, I suggest you find a guy without pre-existing offspring. Maturing emotionally, spiritually... is going to be required...

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Yes, you are wrong to make such a demand. A father is always a father, and should always have the right to be with his kids. What sounds worse is your boyfriend's willingness to abandon his kids. Those poor kids!

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

It's fantastic you're coming here to reflect and seek some guidance — your feelings have a special place in love and relationships, and it's vital to understand them. However, when it comes to children, the stakes are a bit different. They're not just part of the equation; they're a lifelong commitment, a piece of your boyfriend's heart and life. It might be worth pondering: is the issue the time he spends with his kids, or is it more about needing more quality time with him? Discuss ways to balance both. Love shouldn't be a competition, especially with little ones involved. Now, let's bring some more thoughts into this mix! 😏 What do you say, folks?

PeachyPie93 · Answer

You are 31. Obviously it is bad you would want a man to neglect his children. Put yourself in the children's shoes. Some slut that your father probably isn't gonna stay with tells him to neglect you and your siblings because she wants all his time and attention. Would you still think your father was a good guy while he is placing a bitch before you and your siblings? and how would you feel about the greedy attention whore? lol

blueonblack22 · Answer

This shows a serious problem with your boyfriend if he willing to do that. But it also shows a understanding problem on your end too.

I totally get it that a parent has their own needs. Completely. But if he actually said he literally willing to neglect his kids that’s a deep moral problem.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Oh gawd you are BOTH wrong on so many levels! You would honestly stand by and encourage him to neglect his kids? And him... well he doesn't deserve to have kids.

Not much annoys me, but you two? You deserve each other, and I'm not saying that to be kind!

MrOracle · Answer

Yes, you are wrong. If you can't handle a father spending time with his kids, then break up with him and don't date someone with kids. The solution is NOT for a parent to neglect their children - that's evil, and so are you if you expect him to do so for your benefit.

Anonymous · Answer

Not the kind of man I would want, but to each their own I guess.
Are you wrong? I don't know. You’re incredibly selfish, there’s no doubt about that. But he’s the wrong one. Unless, of course, he knows what a piece of shit he is, and he’s trying to save his children from himself. If that’s the case, good luck.

nawtee_me · Answer

You are selfish and self centered. Anyone that thinks it is okay for a man to not be around his kids while they grow up shouldn’t be in a relationship. Any man willing to give up his kids for a girl shouldn’t have kids at all. And if he would leave them for you he will leave you for someone else as well…

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

Don’t date someone with children if you think you deserve to come first in his life. Pig.

Dinklex3 · Answer

Yes, that’s fucked up. Don’t date a father if you have issues with that.

David94358 · Answer

If your boyfriend is willing to neglect his kids he is a terrible father/person If you want him to neglect his kids then you both seem perfect for each other

boggboss · Answer

Your man that your sisters and friends flirt with and that u guys are stalking his baby mum its like u enjoy writing fan fiction at this point

SolitarySolace · Answer

I don’t think a woman can be any more selfish than you

JacobJordan · Answer

There is something seriously wrong with your moral compass. You would make an awful parent so it is a good thing you do not have kids.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

A little more context around how much time he spends with them and with you would help. But yeah you sound like the AH

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

You both are in the wrong. He is for willing to neglect his kids for any reason let alone for you. You are wrong to think a father should give you more time than he gives to his kids.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, you are very very wrong. Those children need and deserve time with him.

DarkLegacy · Answer

You couldn't be more wrong if you tried, he should be putting his kids before you whether or which. Do you yourself have kids?

Twalli · Answer

Your boyfriend is not father material if he's willing to neglect his kids for you. So if you decide to marry him, make sure you don't want to procreate

NewgodOmega · Answer

The more important question would be, is a women ever wrong?

OtterMan68 · Answer

He's willing to neglect his kids?  Seems both of you are not worth it

TallAnon · Answer

Yeah, obviously; His kids depend on him, you're just a random person

Koneko911 · Answer

Yeah you're an asshole

Booklover_90 · Answer

Why not just find a man with no kids?

Yannae · Answer

Very wrong. Huge alarms should go off.

Anpu23 · Answer

Yes you are. Those kids need a father.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You are toxic and he is a fool.

Still-alive · Answer

you know it is lol.

Fuentes · Answer

U need some help ma'am

laly520 · Answer

yes u r wrong

AraPepper · Answer

This is cruel.,…

DagonbroughtMehere · Answer

Yes.

Anonymous · Answer

How old are they?

Am I wrong for not wanting my man around his kids?

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