I have been married over 10 years. I know its not going to last. I haven't left because of my children. Is that wrong?

[CuriousScarlet]

[Xoxocutekitty]

Not wrong. I think it is wise to have a plan before 'announcing' a divorce, especially when tbe kids are old enough to want a say in logistics.

I think the major question is, should you stay, would you and your partner still be able to rolemodel healthy communication and respect? If you two are the couple that fights every other day and/or avoids each other only speaking fluently in contempt, sticking it out might not be the best strategy.

If the romantic/sexual love is gone (maybe they cheated and you forgave them but are no longer attracted to them) but are otherwise friends, I think it can work.

People stay often because they want to give the best life to their kids. It is up to you and your partner, depending on how many resources you have, will determine if staying is reasonable or if losing extra 'space'/ creature comforts is worth the peace of mind and independence.

[Anonymous]

Staying married just for the sake of the kids isn't the right move in my opinion. My parents were unhappy for many years but stayed together for me and my sister. When they finally got divorced when I was 23, it was ugly because there were so many years of pent up frustration. My dad does say now that he wished he had never gotten divorced. So I guess my advice is, do everything you can possibly do before throwing in the towel. If you haven't gone to marriage counseling, I would suggest doing that. Try to get back to basics and back to the people you both were when you were happy and in love. But if you can honestly say you've done everything you can do, then it's not worth sacrificing your happiness if the marriage is beyond saving. Life is short, too short to waste years of it being unhappy.

[Whiskeys1]

That's a difficult situation.
When my marriage ended I still had my son most of the time, otherwise it would've been to hard. It can be difficult as they get older and you feel like you're not seeing them everyday to check in. Ultimately the marriage was deteriorating to a point where it was almost a more toxic situation if we stayed together than separated. If you're truly done with her, it's just important to live close enough and stay in contact with your children, or even co-parent them.
I know how you feel though, it's extremely difficult to end a marriage and it's going to take a lot of adjustment for you and your kids.

[CuriousScarlet]

It's great to have a person that understands. Thank you!

[bean2k21]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation
And wish that you and your wife could be loving
To each other; my parents stayed together
Until I was 18, basically for me, and I really and truly wish
That they hadn't done that
Because it was hell.

[CuriousScarlet]

I am so sorry to hear that. My husband has these fly off the handle episodes. And then is convinced it's my fault. He turns every situation back on me. I would accept the situations IF they were true. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong and apologize. I don't really know how to deal with this. I do not in any way want to hurt my kids.

[OlderAndWiser]

How many children? What ages? Do they see or hear you two fighting? Do they see you being affectionate together?

[Avicenna]

You have to decide what's best. Having been in such a situation, I sympathize and can tell you that you are merely delaying the inevitable in all likelihood.

[CuriousScarlet]

Of course!

[jahaims]

How old are your kids? Only you know what's best for them. If staying married is what you think is best for the kids then do that.

[CuriousScarlet]

They are 12 & 9

[whosnumber1]

I say end it. you will find happiness and perhaps a better relationship that you can model to your kids. or, have a heart to heart with your spouse and try and find some common ground - figure out what each of you needs to find happiness and make some compromises

[DizzyDesii]

Staying for the kids is up to you. you're 50 so are they not off to college yet? Either way, i wouldn't stay for the kids. I’d introduce them to healthy coparenting and we’d care for them from our separate homes

[InYourHead]

No it's not wrong. Children should be considered before making decisions that are going to affect them long term.

[Soyyo9]

Nope but once the kids are grown then you do you. Don’t stay unhappy for anyone.

[boobliker]

No not at you stay as long as poss

[Anonymous]

either way, it'll hurt the kids

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Stay together. Never breakup your family.