Is staying married for the kids the right thing to do?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

@coachtanthony

No.

Growing up I witnessed my parents fighting daily. My mom was stay at home broke mom. My Drunkard Father used to yell at the top of his lungs every other day at her. My mom would be in tears every other day. Sometimes she’d go to bed early to not put up with his anger issues from work. His screams were so loud and thunder-like that my sister and I would hide in the closet.

Years later, I got tired and I’d beg my mom to divorce him. But she’d always say “HOW IF I HAVE NO MONEY”.

—

Nowadays every time I see stupid young men say that they want a virigin broke housewife. I can already tell that they’re gonna be like my DEMONIC FATHER. 🤡

Ladies if you’re reading this. DO BE INDEPENDENT. DO GET YOUR OWN CAREER AND YOUR OWN SUPPORT.

Dont depend on nobody, cause you’ll subject yourself and your offspring to be in prison.

I developed so much anxiety and trauma from this horrific shT. We’d all have to keep the house spotless and hide in the closet the moment the DEMON came home from work. 😞

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Nah better to split so the kids aren't seeing a unhealthy relationship between their parents

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Yes it firstly because marriages is a Biblical construct between man, woman, and their Creator, God. So important that secular law and contract was drawn therefrom. Figure your petty 💩 out before your maker.
And the kids deserve stability as they didn’t ask to be brought into your world

Guardian45 · Accepted Answer

While I'm a big proponent for benefiting the child (ren), keeping a BAD marriage together could be MORE destructive for the child (ren) than a one-parent home!

AviatorTom · Answer

It depends. If the couple can be civil with each other, it's best for the kids to be raised in a two-parent system. If not, then split up and work out a way to safely (for the kids) share parenting duties.

I voted Yes because that's preferred, but not always possible nor feasible.

Dargil · Answer

This is a memory burst and I have not attempted to organize it.

No, it is not and that's what I did. But if your partner is behaving counter to the Covenant (marital contract) which you agreed to, such as serial adultery (mine did), you have to plan your escape so that your children, career and reputation are protected. I did not do that. You should research attorneys well in advance and compile a war chest in Hard Cash that is undetectable. You should precisely plan your departure and know she will spend your money trying to frame you. She will watch your habits to try to detect evidence/grounds and hoarding and make up narratives if she can't. Every divorcing wife becomes like a Leftist Democrat.

My reading is that women file the vast majority of divorce actions. They will invent grounds to accomplish their goal. They literally act like woke Leftists, living in a swirling emotional trauma. They will poison your children against you and are indifferent to the bigger picture of fathers and mothers. They just want out and to commit scorched earth on the way out, projecting their punishment of themselves for making a bad decision up front on to you.

They will say you did the exact things they did because they know they will get sympathy from the church, the courts and the culture. This is why I say that women, particularly, but not limited to Western women, are land mines. When they are done with you, they will concentrate on setting up into your stepping on that IED.

As a Christian, I can't advocate cohabitation, so the burden is on the man to engage in continual security in his marriage or not marry at all. In the past, I was in a Friends With Benefits arrangement... pals who have sex, when I was single and she was. If you both have successful careers and are not having children, thus should be considered. It is the fondest relationship memory I have. I comprehend the admonition of sex outside marriage but friends with benefits is a reasonable trade-off from your life, reputation, career and children being destroyed by the scorpion riding on your back which stings you in the middle of the river.

Not anonymous, but don't bother debating me. It is the life The Ex (Beelzebub) gave me and it is, Praise Be To G0d, finished and I am still standing.

smashleyy · Answer

No. Kids are sponges and they soak up everything. Kids learn how to love by the examples they grow up around, if that love is toxic, abusive, neglectful, manipulative, anger filled etc the higher chance they’ll end up over staying their welcome in abusive relationships as adults cause subconsciously they view that dysfunctional behaviour as normal because you as a parent chose to stay and endure it or they’ll end up being the ones with abusive toxic tendencies towards their spouse. you lead by example. most people who are unhappy in relationships can only hide it for so long. I think marriage is important but a lot of people end up settling down with someone who was only suppose to be a lesson. Teach your kid it’s okay to leave when being disrespected to seek what they actually deserve (healthy love). I don’t think it’s a coincidence the girls I know that watched their moms get used as a punching bag during childhood by their dads/step dads end up staying in abusive relationships. staying in shitty relationships once you’re a parent isn’t just affecting you

BigWhiteWolf87 · Answer

Why?

What are you teaching the kids except that physical or emotional abuse is acceptable?
What are you teaching the children except that cheating is acceptable?
What are you teaching kids except drug abuse, gambling or alcholism is acceptable?

Those are the most typical reasons why people get divorced nowadays. Abuse, cheating and addiction problems. By staying together in such situations you are merely setting your children up to be abused, cheated upon or involved with an addict because they think such behavior is acceptable thanks to parents staying together in such.

.

Take a friend of my brother's.

His father was a serial cheater but his mother, who had no education or job and was an immigrant to America so had no family members in the country to go live with, had no means of leaving. She had to put up with his cheating for many, many, many years.

Both of the boys are screwed up in relationships. They've NEVER had healthy relations.

They have never had any success with decent women, having always being involved with women who stay with them because of their wallet not because of love.

My brother's friend has been divorced THREE times and not even 45. Why? Because like his father he's a serial cheater but unlike his mother, his wives don't tolerate it.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Honestly if you asked me this question years ago I would say yes, but now I would say no.

Staying together for the kids, although it sounds good on paper, would ultimately be a bad thing to do. Pretending to be civil with each other as parents all for the sake of the kids wellbeing will only continue to display bad behaviors and toxic relationship depictions that they can in turn carry to their relationships as they grow. It only causes a trickle affect that will have bigger issues down the line.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Yes. I put aside my happiness for that of my wife and kids. I cannot imagine my kids without me. I dont care if my wife and i have differences or dont get along. Ill force myself to compromise and get along because, with kids, with marriage, its NEVER about ME.

Wade12345 · Answer

It does not help the kids. My family would have been better off had my mother and father divorced within a few years after my little sister was born. Both my biological father (deceased) and my mother had mental health problems and refused to go to the doctor for them, and all they ever did was fight and argue in front of the kids. my father waas a Pentecostal cultist lunatic, and my mother tried to blow her own brains out with a shotgun at least 3 times that I know of, which I had to stop her two of those times myself.

Gibbons44 · Answer

I... well, am a virgin so not a parent.

I don't think I'd ever leave a girl that would give birth to a child of mine. Not because of any dogma or stigma, but because she would at that time a) been with me to the point of getting pregnant (so, the magical moment of life), b) carried that pregnancy and given birth to my baby, c) still be the mother of our (at that point only) child. Those things not even god could change. There'd be nothing to force myself about - own child is not someone one could leave.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't believe it is. My parents stayed together for the sake of me. It brought me nothing but misery and sadness growing up. I felt loved by both my parents, but the household was toxic.

One of my friends parents was split up and she lived between both parents homes. As a teenager, I remember wishing I was in her situation rather than living in my toxic family home. It was awful.

I think when parents split up and share joint custody they can be amicable and treat each other respectfully for the short time they have to have contact with each other. But when they don't love each other or really want to be together, living under the same roof and faking a happy famy life for the sake of the kids just cause bitterness, resentment and anger. They can't hide it when they are still with each other and living together.. I hope that makes sense.

slatyb · Answer

Generally it's not. Children generally know their parents are not happy together. If there's a lot of drama, it's almost always better to separate. Get counseling, either together or by yourself and talk through this.

Anemone978 · Answer

I would say no.. because I tried to stay together for my kids.. but I was getting destroyed as a person I wanted to kill myself so many times but didn't want to do that to my kids... so I left... Now that I am doing a lot better I sometimes think maybe I should just go back because I would have my kids again and it is easier.. but then I think of how it really was... so I know it won't be good.. it sucks being alone tho...

FreyaRed · Answer

I know most forum reader will hate me for that comment. Single mother who loves her child/children is better option than toxic family. Of course there are cases where mother is the source of toxicity and children would be better with the father, but most marriages/relationship become toxic because of partner's incompatibility. Children feel if there is something wrong between parents and this might negatively shape them much more over years than a splintered family.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I think in most cases, it is the right thing to do. The kids have to have some sort of priority. And what marriage is on track all of the time anyway? A lot of marriages really only work *because* of the kids. However there are exceptions if things are really bad at home.

Pudsmucker · Answer

My son did that and he's been married to the same woman for the last 15 years now. It does benefit the children to have both parents in the house.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Kids aren’t stupid. They’ll sense something is wrong even if they don’t understand what’s going on. Keeping them in a toxic environment is more damaging to them than people think. Also, what example are parents setting for their kids when they stay together? Their kids are going to do the same thing when they are older because that’s what they were taught.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Nope. You should remain cordial in front of the children, never bad mouth eachother to the children, and just go separate ways and coparent

megabamse · Answer

I would say no it's not. If both of parents can respect and cooperat for the sake of the kids then it's much better to have to happy parents seperat then two unhappy parents together. Kids can detect if your happy or not no matter how hard you try and hide it. They also will mimick your actions often, so if they grow up seeing your behavior to your other half then they would often believe that's how it's done.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

No. Kids can tell when their parents aren’t happy together.

My sister and her husband really don’t seem happy together. And my niece was questioning why her parents don’t act like her friends parents… sad 🤷‍♂️

I think it’s best to separate and co-parent

genericname85 · Answer

honestly, i think it is... granted that you can still function as good parents showing your children the blueprint for having a good life. if you can't even function as parents anymore, then i guess it's time to concede failure and try to work something out.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I think working out the marriage makes sense. Staying miserably married doesn't.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Not at all. Imagine growing up in a household of constant bickering and anger. Not something I'd want for a child.

Shark_61695 · Answer

Screaming at each other infront of the kids isn't healthy.

Adam1978 · Answer

Not unless you can keep the peace in the home. If you still are at each other throats, it's better for the kids to have two peaceful homes then one that is a war zone.

Fireguy17 · Answer

kids can see right through it if you try to stay together.
there will be fights, no intimacy, just 2 people in the same house. For their sake you are better being apart but get along well.
In the long term it will be better for the kids.

AdithyaR · Answer

Nope, honestly kids are gonna suffer more if the parents have a unhealthy relationship with each other. You can't properly care for a kid when you're unhappy with life and living with someone you can't work together with.

melanieeeB · Answer

Nope but staying friendly and keep coparenting is a better solution

worldscolide · Answer

No it's better the kids see the parents happy apart, than miserable together... Assuming mommy dearest doesn't do what most women do, and that is alienate the children from the father.

Stressyalaire · Answer

Only one life. It's not worth it! And you teach the kids about fighting not about making up.

Berethor · Answer

Usually yes, as it's better for the kids, also most men don't want to marry a single mom.

Bricealan · Answer

It is unless you find you have to kill your husband or wife, to survive. LOLOL

sheenagwapa · Answer

no but yoy gotta tey to fix the relationship and not just give ip

CateM · Answer

No, some people just aren't meant to be together

grega239 · Answer

Yes. The parents are adults. Thry can pretend to love each other so the kids have role models.  They can see other people when the kids aren't around

exitseven · Answer

ino. parents do theur kids no favor by staying together.

Optimistic227 · Answer

Do you want a divorce because you found a better person to fuck than your current spouse even though you already have kids? You are a bastard if you think so.

SpokenTruth · Answer

Staying married because you're not supposed to divorce is the right thing to do.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it is. Divorce is morally wrong and hurts kids.

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

Absolutely not.

Heterosketero · Answer

You took an oath, model that to your children.

Anonymous · Answer

You need a father & Mother figures.

Is staying married for the kids the right thing to do?

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