Is staying in an abusive/dysfunctional relationship/marriage for the sake of the kids justifiable?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

That’s hard to answer. I am the child who grew up in an extremely abusive household, my dad was aggressive, both parents had alcohol and drugs issues, we ourselves were abused and neglected. That said, I do have happy memories. I hate my childhood but I still love my parents. My mum and dad eventually split when I was 18, my mum still in an excessive alcoholic and I doubt she has more than 4:5 years left. My dad has turned his life around and doesn’t drink or smoke atall. My mum was the one who experienced the bearings and control, and she still suffers with ptsd still to this day, which contributes to her drinking, and she says she used to drink whilst we were kids to put up with everything she was going through. But she didn’t relise it made things 100% worse for us as children. Due to the nature of the abusivet dad isn’t allowed legally around anyone under the age of 18, this was true when we were children too. We was heavily involved with social services yet we told the lies to them my parents told us to say. We slipped through the net for sure but would I change it? Although I would never want to imagine any other child living through what we’ve been through, I’m glad we stayed with them, and in our dysfunctional family. It’s affected me just as much as it’s affected my mum and sister. I get nervous around men I don’t know, and suffer generalised anxiety and eating disorders since I was a child, which I have minimally now and have learnt to live with it. Putting children in that environment will damage them, but you can’t miss what you don’t have, and they were the only family I ever knew.

[Anemone978]

Yes, depends... to keep them together and make things simpler I am thinking to go back because my oldest cried and begged me and the younger one is a cheeky little bugger and said she doesn't want to come here to live so I will go back for them.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I would say weigh your options. If there just isn't a way to work together or even tolerate each other then I guess you're going to have to have some sort of split. That sucks because the kids will be affected.

The thing is... the divorce business, as well as the child support business, has become a profit-driven thing for a lot of people. Now people will just split up without even trying to work anything out... and the systems that support these functions will do nothing but encourage that conflict and that sweet sweet divorce. They don't give a f*** about the kids and what is actually good for them.

[richardcory]

No, absolutely not. I was a child of a dysfunctional (not abusive) marriage. Its terrible for children because it teaches them the wrong lesson about what "love" and relationships mean. I was probably in my 20s before I fully realized how broken my parents' marrage had been, and I'd made a lot of mistakes.

A divorce is painful for kids, but not nearly as bad is living in a broken home.

[Giggles0]

Definitely not, the abuse out weighs the damage down by a separation. Most of time children wish the parents would separate to have a peaceful life. They see the abuse even if you don't think they do.

[Asker]

Yes!!! 💯

[Adam1978]

No in abusive, dysfunctional is a bit unclear, I wouldn't judge all cases the same.

[Asker]

Dysfunctional is not good for kids either. No need to settle.

[Adam1978]

Some people call basically everything none perfect dysfunctional. I don't think all dysfunctional relationship are harmful for kids.

[Simslover92]

No it is not. If anything it would just make things worse for the kids.

[UniquelyBasic]

I guess but the kids are going to be more fucked up if they see their parents being abused by each other than if the parents divorced.

[sheenagwapa]

my father isn't the most loyal person but i'm glad my mama never left him

[slatyb]

It's not good for the children.

[Anonymous]

Most men do this because if they leave the female will use the kids as weapons to hurt him.

[Blackcupcake]

no, that is not healthy for the kids

[Molly1997]

You shouldn’t do that

[Minahh]

No it is not obviously duh

[Asker]

If it's so "obvious," then why do so many stay?

[Minahh]

Have you heard about the Stockholm syndrome?

[Asker]

Yes, I have. It's too bad that it would override the instinct to protect children.

[Agape93]

Fuck no