Parents mad im more successful than their grand daughter?

[Anonymous]

My parents are mad at me because I am in law school and I am a honors student apart of a honors society and have my masters. My niece is a 16 year old who is having substance abuse issues and getting all Fs in school. I've tried helping her and giving good advice but to no avail she continues to do bad. My parents keep harassing me about her saying I have to help her and I'm so busy with my own life. Also my niece is strange and creeps me out. To be honest I don't want to be around her at all. Mom says I need to show her love? I don't want to show someone who makes me uncomfortable love. Why won't my parents back off of me? I have ask them many times to stop. I'm confused why they are focused on me and not this child's parents? I can't fix that problem just because I'm successful. I don't have the answers. Every one in my family seems to be pointing the finger at me. I don't get it.

[Bethany22]

Yeah that sounds like triangulation and scapegoating. They must prefer to view their other child as the favorite child, whereby they have to blame you instead. They should recognize that you should not be made to feel responsible for your NEICE's behavior. They clearly don't know the concept of boundaries, and are also gasslighting you as well in a sense, because it causes you to question your own judgement on the situation, which your parents probably hope will cause you to turn to them for their perspective on the situation. This in turn gives them a sense of power and control in a situation whereby it is for whatever reason too painful for them to cope with.

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[Asker]

It's a mess and I'm sick of it. Makes me not want a relationship with my parents at all. I feel like since my older sister doesn't like me she's making my parents harras me about help her child. She also has a autistic son. All of this I can not deal with. That's why this girl has a husband. I can see if we were close sisters but we are not. None of this mess makes sense. I just feel picked on.

[exitseven]

You are an easy target. Your Niece;s problems are self inflicted. Don't get sucked into her drama.

[Asker]

Why are they so focused on me? I want no part of this mess.

[exitseven]

The contrast between you and her is stunning. It makes you an easy target. Also since you are so successful everyone thinks that you could straighten her out.

[Asker]

I can't help though and I don't want to. She creeps me out.

[exitseven]

I get that. As you go through life, somebody such as yourself will often be expected to clean up somebody else's mess just because you are the most capable. I had to do this in my own family. It was not a role I wanted but as shit rolls downhill I was always put in its path.

[Asker]

Also, why not get on her parents about her. She's not my child and the kicker is these people don't even like me. I can not deal with this mess.

[Asker]

She also has an autistic son. I don't want this stress in my life. I'm not close to this older sister at all and she's very jealous of me. Nothing good will come from being around these people. Its her and her husband job.

[BCRanger10]

The best way to show someone love in a situation like this is to not enable them. I'd hazard that your parents don't understand that enabling her is what they're effectively telling you to do.