What should I do about a friend who asks nosy questions about my finances and just rude comments in general?

[Renee1994]

I think it’s really tacky especially if it has nothing to do with her. For instance she asked if I got my stimulus check, and I actually didn’t even qualify for one that year because my salary was above the threshold. It’s rude to make an assumption like that in the first place. After I lost my job but still had money she would like pay for stuff for me assuming I couldn’t afford it. And she makes comments about my earning potential with my new company like “sounds like you could possibly make 100K” and I’m uncomfortable with that comment because I made $150-$200K a year before as a software engineer. It’s none of her business.
What’s worse is once she commented on my acne and was like “I remember when you had one here and here” while pointing to her face on the location my hormonal acne was…

I don’t know if she’s jealous because when I went through a hard time she suddenly wanted to get together more and when I was really crushing it at my older jobs she was flaky with following through on plans.

[HollyK21]

When the whole stimulus check thing was going on, everyone was talking about it, that’s all I heard about, so I truly don’t think it’s rude of her to mention it with you. It’s actually kind of odd to me personally that you feel like she’s demeaning you or acting as if you’re broke or something.


Her other mention of finances I guess I don’t understand how you’re finding offense. Maybe it’s because money can be a generic topic amongst friends/family during a time where so many in our lives struggle with even basic necessities right now.


I’m not in your friendship so I don’t know what else is discussed, but from what you’ve said I don’t pick up any jealousy, just a friend asking questions or mentioning things. If you are so bothered then have a conversation (not an argument or accusation) about everything and see how things pan out going forward.

[Renee1994]

I understand but that’s why I brought up the other point as additional layer of context— like the acne comment.
I think I find it rude because I don’t consider it socially appropriate etiquette where I’m from.

[HollyK21]

Despite where you’re from, some people either don’t have cues or are simply oblivious. If you aren’t actually telling your friend that comments like that bother you then she won’t know any better. Sure we can say something like “she should just know” “why would she think that’s okay”, but it’s not our jobs to understand how people’s brains work. It’s up to us to set boundaries and advocate for ourselves, because unless you’ve spoken with her about these problems then you can’t be upset with her for it. I’d say to at least give her the chance to correct herself.

[HollyK21]

Your idea of etiquette can be entirely different from what she feels is safe or ok to discuss with friends. You to seem to be relatively close for her to be buying you things or even commenting on your acne, so I think she’s just comfortable and doesn’t realize you’re taking offense.

[Renee1994]

This is a really valuable perspective. Thanks for your insights- I think it’s something I need to get better at.

[HollyK21]

No problem! Hopefully things work out between you two❤️

[Anonymous]

Lol she isn't jealous that's just who she is. And if you don't like it why are you her friend? It doesn't sound like she does it to be a bully just sounds like she likes to ask questions even if socially it doesn't seem acceptable. Love her for who she is not who you want her to be. If it bothers you that much which is valid then end the friendship.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Tell her that you need your space and there needs to be boundaries.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO.

[desperatelyhungry]

Tell her the truth. You think it’s tacky, out of line and rude and it needs to end. Be just as rude setting boundaries as she is in breaking them

[Nikki1989]

Ignore questions like that. Sadly, we live in a world where some people think they can ask any question they like.

[summiter]

Dump her... it is not her business

[Avicenna]

Set boundaries

[jahaims]

She sounds fine you are just stupid and insecure.