What do you call it when someone does this?

[dearryy]

When someone at their own terms does something nice for you but they make you feel like you must walk on egg shells and not make them mad or anger them just because they did something nice for you. It’s like yes, they did something nice but their intentions weren’t as pure as you thought. The niceness from them now feels like a debt to you.

[StarWarGirl]

Is it just your feelings that you yourself feel like you should not be doing something to make them mad because they did something nice to you? Or is it him who is telling you or hinting you that you should not be doing such things to make him mad because he did nice to you?

If it's just your feelings, then you are wrong, no matter someone did soooooo good like even if they saved your life that does not mean they buy you to not to be your true self.

If it's him who is making you feel like this intentionally then he is toxic and this relationship is toxic. You are just going to be get burried in bad swamp and going to face a very bad mental torture, Gaslighting, manipulation and maybe depression in coming days, months, or years.

[dearryy]

No, it’s my sister actually. She washed my sons clothes for me while I was at work. She texted and told me she washed his clothes but I didn’t even see the text until I got back to the house. She knows me, I’m appreciative of any help I receive and I always say thank you and I’m generally just a nice person. I’m not rude or mean at all so if I didn’t say thank you yet it was obviously because I was busy with other things and hadn’t got to say thank you yet and I had literally just read the message. When I got home from work she was fussing at a friend of ours, we all have a place together with my son, we go half on rent, she was fussing at her and I personally felt like what she was fussing at her about wasn’t even worth the fuss and I kindly told her it wasn’t a big deal. She blew up at me and said “So you’re basically telling me to shut up. This is the thanks I get for washing your sons clothes. I wasn’t even talking to you. Keep your opinion to yourself.” My feelings were hurt so I told her “I can have an opinion because who the fuck are you?” Then she’s all like “You cussed at me. Now you’re the one doing too much. You never even said thank you for washing his clothes. Just keep your thank you matter of fact.” And I told her okay. I tend to be the one that always ends up apologizing when we have our fall outs with each other but it’s tiring because I know I’m not always wrong but she tends to make me feel like I am always wrong over something as small as not agreeing with her and she users her small acts of kindness against me. I’m over it.

[StarWarGirl]

Even if she is your sister it's toxicity. You have not asked her to do something, she did it herself and if still she is expecting anything even if small "thankyou" it's wrong for her.

Chill don't mind it. Just see how can you minimize it. But i personally feel like there is no solution. And when it's family members it's most difficult to deal with.

I can understand it, as I also live in some kind of toxicity with my sister. But she loves me too so it a little bit soften down most of time. But your sister seems it's very much immature kind relationship. It must be tough for you. I can feel you.

[IslaTheWitch]

Whatever it is... run, Forrest, run!

[Billlewis]

That's generally regarded as giving someone a gift with strings attached.

[Anonymous]

um, an X.

[Opinion Owner]

The Tomorrow People. Worst Kind.

[dearryy]

Like the moment you upset them due to anything as small as just not agreeing with them they will say “This is the thanks I get for so etc etc for you.” Like huh? What does this have to do with that? And regardless of what you did I’m still an individual with my own thoughts and feelings. They make you feel like all that now belong to them just because they did something “nice”

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly. I call anyone the Tomorrow People. What can you do for me tomorrow even. Worse type.