Should we just give up and cut off our family?

[Anonymous]

My older brother (OB)'s wife is now pregnant. I am queer and my younger brother (YB) is trans.

Both our parents and OB and his wife are Christians, so obviously they believe me and YB are sabatoging God's natural design for gender and sexuality. But up until now they've been pretty chill about that by just ignoring it. Now that there's a baby on the way though they have become significantly... less chill

Our parents have told us that we're still welcome at family gatherings once the baby is born, but that I can not bring any romantic partner unless he's a man and can't wear/say anything explicitly queer. YB will have to shave his face, wear makeup to cover any shadow, and go by his old name—and I have to call him that name and my sister.

I do love my family and I know they love me too, but i don't know if i can stomach these new conditions. YB hasn't told me yet whether he's going to agree to them but honestly I hope he doesn't—god knows what other rules they'll add if we let them.

I think enough time has passed that if they were ever going to change they would have. Would it be better at this point to just cut our losses and walk away? It's starting to hurt more to be around them than it does to be apart...

[Staximus]

A man looks like it's Halloween when he dresses like a woman, it's ridiculous. Just tell your younger brother to wear man's clothes, not wear makeup, and use his real name around your family and save yourselves the hassle. If he wants to act like the bearded lady on his own time then whatever

[Asker]

He wants to wear men's clothes and use his real name, we both know what they're asking is ridiculous. It's our family who thinks it's what God wants and won't listen to reason.

[Staximus]

Are you saying your younger brother was born a woman and is actually your younger sister?

[Asker]

You might think he's a woman if you're religious, sure, but that doesn't change what he looks like and that it's ridiculous to say he has to wear makeup to visit family.

[Staximus]

Was your younger sibling born a girl or not

[Asker]

If you read the description and had basic understanding of the topic you would know.

[Staximus]

No parent wants to see their daughter hate and not accept themselves and then mutilate themselves

[Asker]

I thought so too. I really thought they'd change after finding out what he'd been planning to do before he figured out transitioning was a real option, and seeing he's actually happy now. But no, apparently they would rather see that happen than disobey their "loving" God...

[slatyb]

Simple. Tell them that you won't be attending under those conditions.

[laly520]

I don't think they would change
if u really love em n wanna keep in touch with em then u gotta accept their conditions otherwise its better to cut ties

[Anonymous]

learn to accept the way you were born. going against nature will just lead to hardship. however it is your choice to make.

[Asker]

Exactly. I just don't think our family will ever understand this.

[Danny_dan92]

Wow. Perfect example of chaos

[Anonymous]

They are right about your younger sister? Trans is a mental disorder not a physical one. It is not helpful to transition gender. We need help overcoming our confusion not embracing it.

[Asker]

Whatever mental disorders he might have are only made worse by living as a woman, that's why out parents had not been pushy about it before now–even they admitted he seems to finally be in a good place mentally and physically after he started living as a man. That's another reason I don't think they'll get better because they're valuing their religion above his health.

[Opinion Owner]

That is a lie. Transitioning only makes things worse. Instead of just having a mental disorder your body is now destroyed.

[Asker]

Why would I lie about that? What would I gain from intentionally sabatoging my only close relative's health? Unlike my parents I don't think he'll go to hell if I don't force him to live a certain way.

[Opinion Owner]

It isn't your lie, it is a lie that the two of you have bought into. One that I also subscribed to for several years. Our society has decided to promote it to the detriment of those of us who suffer from body dismorphia.

[Asker]

Look I'm sorry you had a bad experience, and if you were mislead or given bad advice—especially from a medical professional. That sucks. But your experience isn't the only one. My brother already tried every other option he could find first. Transition was necessary for him, and it has helped him.