Are you okay with not having friends and just being a loner?

[Paradiseequeen]

I’m in law enforcement and let me tell you that I miss having actual real friends. I’m by myself for a reason because I get tired of people trying to use me. The last friend I had was only using me to try and set her family up. I just miss venting and having others to talk with about everything. So I’m making girlsaskguys my journal again. I been on gag since I was 14 years old and I’m 30. I left and kept coming back. I’m perfectly fine with talking to the gag crew.

[Flatmanlewis]

Your topic question is almost second place to a deeper reply. The LEO life is a tough life. My road has dabbled in a lot of various but also related areas and LE now is not the LE of TV shows where there is epic camaraderie and un breakable bonds. There is a closeness and a trust but it often stops before the intimacy or depth of a true friendship is developed. It’s sad, but true.


Add shift work, exposure to human hate, suffering, trauma, and a million experts who know everything about your job and never done it and it’s a pressure cooker of stress. The constant exposure to “disposed of humans” which dents the soul to see up close is very corrosive.


Wellness is more critical than even firearm skills in todays LE world and armor to protect the heart and soul isn’t issued like the armor to protect your body.


Friendships are often elusive but critical in this field and cannot be overlooked or discounted. It’s absolutely mandatory for surviving in the long run. There is an appeal and comfort to being comfortable being a loner but there has to be some social connection too. Should PTSD decide to come visit being a loner is bad terrain to try and build a defensive position. You WILL need support structures if that happens. I speak from experience.


I can relate and have more stories to share. Feel free to DM.

[Finchie40]

Sadly with the way the world is today , having no friends or less friends seems like it’s the best thing to do , mainly staying away from all the drama and nonsense that is going on around us. When I was younger I had a ton of friends that I hung out with and party with , Sadly a lot of those friends disappeared and some of them backstabbed me , making me realize we can’t trust everyone. Now that I am older I have a few close friends that stayed in my life that I trust completely, that stayed true to our friendship , Having less friends took a lot of drama away from my life and I realized I am more content now then I was. Don’t get ne wrong , I still enjoy socializing with people and meeting new people , I just don’t grasp on to friendship like I did when I was younger , mainly because of all the nonsense I been through , but if someone wants to be my friend and stay in touch with me , I am not against it I just don’t search for it. I thought I married my best friend but that didn’t go as planned , so I am mainly looking for another girl that wants friendship and love , if I ever meet her , I will be content with just having her by my side.

[Paradiseequeen]

First off you hit the nail on our friendship experiences because they were the same I see! And I’m sorry about your marriage as well. I do agree about the less drama as well but I’m scared of betrayal. I’ve been betrayed a lot of times

[Finchie40]

Betrayal happens to the best of us and sadly that’s another reason to not really depend on anyone, just depend on yourself. As much as possible

[Cutegirl06]

I have 4 real good friends including my boyfriend. These friends have my back and I have theirs as well. I have had friends I thought were real friends and turned out to be backstabbers I'm very happy with having just 4 friends that I know I can trust with my life, I'm serious when I say that! It must be very hard being in law enforcement like you said people using you not to mention dangerous as well. You've been on gag since you were 14? Wow! Well let me say it's very nice to meet you 🙂 And thanks for all that you do making the world a better place for everyone. Being in law enforcement isn't easy These days. Stay safe 🙏 ❤️

[Sameone]

You know in the end you are going to find yourself alone

[Cutegirl06]

@Sameone why?

[Sameone]

Everyone will search for their life, even close people will leave you, even your boyfriend will cheat on you one day
Or maybe you are just young but time will show you real version of people

[zeitgeist057]

@Sameone that's ridiculous. I'm 46 and have lots of close friends and family. Your experience is not the only experience on this planet of 8 billion people. And even people that come and go in our lives are not villains for having their own path that might go in a different direction after crossing ours.

[Cutegirl06]

@Sameone My boyfriend will never cheat on me!

[dustybiker2]

Everyone needs friends. You can do it alone, but you are happier and more stable with people that get you and you feel safe enough to vent with.

[Tstrbrainer]

Heyy you are back

[dustybiker2]

@Tstrbrainer I am

[Tstrbrainer]

What made you leave?

[dustybiker2]

Jealousy.

[Paradiseequeen]

Thank you so much for this! I’m just lost. I definitely haven’t vented and have so much to say. It’s a lot of bull that I’m tired of

[dustybiker2]

@Paradiseequeen Is it work related frustrations? I grew up around a lot of law enforcement officers: friends parents, neighbors and even rode with mounted policemen on weekends + some. They always told me there were things outside of the job they can never share with the average person. So I can understand that stress.

[dustybiker2]

Thank you for MHO😎

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't have many really good friends. 5 or 6 that'll stack on a corner with me. None are within a thousand miles however. 4 or 5 from work acquainted with me to the point we'll grab drinks together once a quarter. I spent the first 2/3rds of my career in intel and moved over to law enforcement 7 years ago, so I get where you're coming from. Just easier this way sometimes.

[Paradiseequeen]

Omg you hit the head on the nail! I was in intel too lol and I was already lonely before joining and now I’m like “damn I’m still lonely after all of this” lol do you still speak to these friends via messaging?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Small world. Emails a few times a year. Phone calls a little more often when we're in the right country for that. Messaging not so much. Seems the worst of both worlds, not as fast as a call and a record we may not want to be there or compatibility issues with whatever hardware they're using wherever. None of the vets at work are in my department except my boss. She and I talk from time to time, but mainly she's like "don't talk to the civilians they get scared and then I have to explain shit". All the same, I didn't want to talk to most of them anyway. Had a close coworker that was also former intel, but she left because she couldn't take the stupid anymore. We still talk daily, but she's 1000 miles away so... you know... more of the same. I did a lot of outside the wire stuff with sources, so I kinda just started equating "being lonely" with "doing my job," which is ironic since so much of my time was around people, but... you know. Then... I don't know... then there came a point where I guess I wasn't lonely anymore because that word implies sadness or something a lot of times, and honestly I was happy to not have to deal with all those people any longer. When we get back together it's like no time passed and we just hop right back into the swing of things. Civilians... you don't pick up the phone every day and they get all butthurt and it's like... I was doing stuff. "Well you never called me back!" That is a true statement, I did not.

Haha, we should start a club. There should be a secret handshake. I shall bring cookies.

[HawkPerception]

I am alone 99% of the time these days. I have a best/closest friend, but I rarely see him anymore, especially since he's had his kid and is planning on having another soon. I'm usually okay being alone and pretty comfortable in my own space and thoughts, but having 0 social life does get depressing sometimes. I just need a pick-me-up occasionally, either with my best friend or with family.

I genuinely miss the days where I had my exes that I could at least communicate with throughout the day. Life was less boring.

[Beckybooboo]

When I moved out of state for a job, I went through the struggles of having no friends. It was lonely and I wouldn’t wanna go through that again! I actually enjoyed going to work, because that was the only place I could have face to face interaction with people, otherwise, I was home, by myself. I’ll say one thing, going through that stretch has made me very grateful for the friendships I have made. They really have become like family to me.

[pig_droppings]

Friends are an essential part of life, even for those who enjoy the occasional rotten egg smell or pungent body odor. Oh, dear @pig_droppings, you seem to be experiencing a mild case of ammonia-induced confusion! Let me clarify! Although the scent of feces may have led you to believe otherwise, @pig_droppings is actually still in need of friends and social interaction.

[Purpleronnie]

I’ve lost many friends from moving around , I don’t have any that are as close as I’d like apart from my girlfriend of 13 years that is. Most of the times it really doesn’t bother me. I really don’t want for much in my life. There are moments though …..

[ShadezMcgee]

I am used to being a loner. Have been like that since my sophomore year in high school since my group of friends at the time stopped inviting me to things, rough in a new member to the group who didn't like me and soon I was on the outside looking in at the friends I made shortly after moving there. Rucked with me pretty bad.

Since then I have more so been acquaintances with people and kept them at arms length.

[serious]

Yes of course I am totally fine with that. Given how I am it is very stressful for me to have people in my life. As a person I have plenty of deal breakers and I am highly intolerant towards things and so not many people remain in my life for long.

I can never have close friendships, close connections etc etc. Which is fine. I have no regrets. I am at peace with it.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It's pretty tough for me as an extrovert although I've gotten better over the pandemic. At the very least, I like to hang out and talk to strangers a lot if not friends. Having no one to talk to (in person, online doesn't count for me) would drive me insane very quickly; I'd be the worst candidate for a one-man space mission.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Lol I still have a handful of close friends. Nope not my industry, I work a simpler job. I seemy friends a few times in person or chat to them online. They have their work schedules as do I
Nowadays it's coffee or lunch at least 1 or 2 a month and I like it that way. Always have had it spaced out like that.

[Sameone]

More better when i be alone
I can't say i have friends
And i can't say i don't have friends
Because most people i know (from work) sometimes they invited me for a dinner or party or bar
But i don't talk to them about my problem and my life
Just normal Chet.

[JayBones]

My big bro and two of my best friends are pigs. I get it kind of. I moved 2000 miles away from everyone I ever knew and loved 10 years ago. I went from the life of the party to the guy with 2 tickets to a rock Concert and my wife changed her mind my 15 year old daughter said maybe but she's scared of social interaction and my 12 year old said Hell yeah but her big sis has dibbs

[MemeSupreme]

yeah its weird like i appreciate my friends and care about the few i got, but if they were gone one day imma be fine. it's weird

did you lose any friends bc of being a cop? not anything they did but just beliefs or somethin

[DizzyDesii]

Its the preferred method. But when i think of loners, i think of lonely people who crave friends. When i think of lonewolf, i think of strong people who make it work without needing others

[BCA6010]

In my opinion, venting online doesn't make up for not having friends to talk to in person. I get it though; that was the first, main, and really only thing I missed when I left the Army.

[eagle1951]

been 6 years since she passed, don't really have friends, and i'm doing alright alone.

[Paradiseequeen]

My best friend passed years ago and I’m sorry for your loss as well

[eagle1951]

thanks you, and I for yours

[SolitarySolace]

Yes. I have some male friends I sometimes do stuff with. I don't have any female friends because I don't trust women at all to be close with in any way. Friends or otherwise. Overall I prefer my own company and that of my cat

[tzdc21]

Had you asked my 14 year old self, I would have said no I need friends and attention. Now, I'm happy without being in the spotlight.

[JacobJordan]

I had friends I have 1 friend and a wife now. I don't need friends I don't need people at all tbh I am happy I have the wife though she is amazing.

[aceleon]

after you turned into the 3rd wheel of your 15 year friends group because you have no interest in cars or football, it is a given.

[Unit1]

Loner without friends? Story of my life.

Well i had a few friends for a while. Some of them were short lived and some of them we have dispersed due to life changing situations.