Family & Friends

What does it feel like to be in love? I had a dream that's making me consider my feeling for someone?

I've never been in love. I'm more emotionally closed off, not the best at showing my emotions, but I've been friends with this guy 6 years and I've never really noticed any feeling for him. We hang out when we can, sometimes he pisses me off and exhaust the ever living fuck out of me, but had a dream a few hours ago that literally made me throw up and have a panic attack. He's a pilot, usually flying overseas I got a random text from whoever found his phone I guess. Saying he had died and I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to call. I just kept sitting in denial into another friend called. His body couldn't be retrieved and bought back to USA. I along with other friends had to help pack up his things and the others did it like they didn't really care, but for some reason. I felt like my heart was breaking the more things I saw. I felt his bed. I read and packed up notebooks. I packed up his clothes, smiling and remembering our time out together. I grabbed one of his hoodies smelled it and fell to his floor crying loudly, just wishing to see him one more time. I kept repeating in my head how much I loved him and I just want to see him. It's like something at that moment snapped. It felt so weird emotional and embarrassing but IDC. I cried like my tears would bring him back in front of everyone. I don't even cry alone or in front of family. I didn't even cry like that when my dad died. It was so real. I woke up crying, sweating and shaking. My chest felt tight and I threw up, pacing trying to calm my breathing. It happened at almost 12am. How it happened in my dream is fucking with me. I just want to see him, hug him and hear his voice. It's pretty pathetic but even now I can't stop crying and retching. I've had dreams about people dying before, but it didn't fuck with me like this. I wonder if it's a random dream or more. i never thought I held feelings like that at all. He was just a friend. I spoke to him a week ago, and that's it. I pray it wasn't foreboding

What does it feel like to be in love? I had a dream that's making me consider my feeling for someone?
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