How can I stay positive and not stress about my mom meeting my boyfriend's parents?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating him 1 year we met each others parents already but im worried about my mom meeting his parents since my mom can be a toxic person and say rude stuff to people. She doesn't have any friends for that reason and doesn't even get invited to family parties for her characteristic. I told him please no I have bad feeling but he kept insisting he wants a parent day at restaurant. I feel upset since last week I wanted a romantic date just me and him but then he asked yo invite his parents I said okay thats fine because they're fun but then he said if I dont invite my mom cancel. He also called my sister on my phone yesterday and the convo went very bad because my sister was being rude to him even tho she never met him before and she kept giving snappy responses after he had asked her if she needed my mom to babysit that day so we know if my mom can go. I just feel really upset because I feel he crossed boundary with me he didn't listen about how my family treats me and I dont want to be around them for that very reason

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man that sounds stressful as hell! I can totally understand why you're worried. Family stuff can be super awkward, especially when you know your mom has a history of being kinda rude or toxic.

A few things I'd suggest:

- Talk to your boyfriend again and really emphasize how important it is that he LISTENS to your concerns about your mom. Make it clear you don't want drama.

- Set boundaries up front with your mom - tell her politely but firmly that you expect everyone to be respectful. Shut down any rude comments immediately.

- Have an escape plan just in case - can you/boyfriend come up with an excuse to leave early if needed?

- Focus on having fun with him and his parents to distract from any nerves. Make it lighthearted.

- Don't put too much pressure on it being "perfect" - as long as you try your best that's all you can do. Easier said than done I know!

At the end of the day, try to remember he's with YOU cause he likes YOU - don't let your family stress get in the way of enjoying his company. It'll be fine, I'm sure! Deep breaths, you've got this :)

[Anonymous]

That sucks.


Personally, I only had one girl meet my mom quickly. Mom was sort of pleasant but she hated everyone I dated or wanted to date. My DAD was the one I was more concerned with. Because he was prejudiced and a bit on the racist side.


I never really brought girls around. And if I was dating, the parents weren’t happy.


They both have passed.


I realized that the silver lining about both parents being dead is that I have more options to date without having to worry about either one saying something rude or embarrassing me. Not that I wouldn’t before they passed, but I’d be mortified if she wanted to meet them. I don’t have to worry about my dad saying something idiotic/racist and offending her or thinking I behaved like that.


I wouldn’t know what to do in your situation. I suppose the best I could do would be to brief everyone about her, and remind my parents to be on their best behavior. And if she acted up, I’d probably apologize the second she’d leave for the ladies room.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has a very positive view of family and parents and does not realise that not everyone can say the same.
I think he's trying to do the right thing and bring people together. Yes, he's treading on your boundaries but with good reason perhaps.
Maybe you need to be more assertive. Maybe you just need to let him learn and see for himself and pick up the pieces later.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I guess just go with it, understand that your BFs parents will not judge you or hold you accountable for your mother's behavior. Ultimately this day has to happen eventually don't you think, why not now?

[TheSpaceGnome]

This is a bad idea, there is no rule saying the parents need to interact with eachother, and I doubt they will get along. You should cancel it.

[SotiCoto]

Because whether your parents like his parents or not isn't a factor any more.
This isn't the 18th century.

[OddBeMe]

Ehh, that’s always a toughie. Just got a plow ahead.

My parents and inlaws HATE each other. Lol

[MasterKS]

sorry! some parents are like that.

[MasterKS]

@asker similar me understand the situation, can we follow?

[Asker]

For example she caused my nephew and his wife to divorce 2 years ago she made up lies about him and the family doesn't like her because she judges and thinks she's better than everyone. She's also strange since she can act like she likes you but then after she says how dreadful the time was

[MasterKS]

@asker i can relate! can we follow, i want to share with you.

[Asker]

I followed you

[MasterKS]

@asker Thank you, will pm you!

[jahaims]

By being an adult and not caring what others think