Have you seen or experienced something that messed you up psychologically?

Question

My mom recently underwent chemotherapy.

And at the hospital I saw her extremely weak, that made me get emotional.

Then a week later I visited her at my parents house and she lost all her hair. Seeing my mom in that state just left me in this state of mind where I feel lost and confused. Speechless if you will.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Yes, it's completely destabilizing psychologically, isn't it.

I'm rewatching my favourite TV series of all time, Thirtysomething, which aired in the late 90s-00s. A fantastic drama with a very capable ensemble cast of actors who delivered the most beautiful and poignant lines I have ever heard on a TV show. I mention this because the creators/writers/directors believed in utmost realism. Sure, shows are made to entertain, but some artists want to also help us to think, and sometimes to cope with all that life throws at us.

They decided to give one of the characters ovarian cancer. She seemed very healthy, except for some sudden onset back pain that wouldn't go away. The actors sort of petitioned to be the one to have this storyline. One wanted more depth for her, so she fought for it. She did an amazing job with it. She was nominated for Emmys three times and did win, I think. The creators were going to kill her off. (Again, realism.) But the audience, who was predominantly female, and avid watchers of the show, became very attached to Nancy, and when she went through this, those with cancer needed Nancy to survive. They, themselves, were on the brink, fighting for their lives. This was before the days of social media, and constant real-time feedback on show plot lines. You had to write it and voice your opinions. They received thousands of pleas, please don't kill Nancy.

They rewrote the scripts. She survived. It was triumphant. All the cast members came to the hospital to celebrate. And then a call left on an answering machine, asking for one of them to call the police station. Another character had died. Gary, in a car accident, on a snowy day, there was a multi-car pile-up. Gary was a cyclist, and there was foreshadowing in earlier episodes, but this day, he chose to drive. It shook them all to their core, especially his best friend, and central character, Michael. Writing this now, I am fighting back tears. It's been almost forty years, and I still remember all of this (I have re-watched the series about three times over the years, though). These were key moments, art, portraying the most sad, difficult, traumatic aspects of life, and death. I was just a teenager watching them. It was my favourite show, like I said. It suited my personality to a 't', even back then. I now realize, all these years later, that this was my model, my baseline, for the exploration and discussing of the difficulties of life. Anything less than this seems shallow and inauthentic to me. These characters felt as real to me as anyone I have ever met since. These characters were written to embody people we may know, and love. There are no dragons, no familial incest, no cooking of meth. Just people, struggling, trying to figure things out, trying not to give up.

Has it helped me to deal with similar things in my own life? I don't know. I don't think so, not that I am aware. I was called to a hospital once, about thirty years ago, to the bedside of a man who was the boyfriend of my good friend at the time. He was dying of AIDS. I wasn't warned beforehand. I walked into the room and as much as he looked like a ghost, a shadow of the man he once was, so full of life, I, too, became a ghost that day. I felt all the blood leave my head and face. I was not good at hiding it. I still am not to this day.

I want to say something comforting, reassuring, hopeful to you, to ease some of your pain you are feeling right now. But the truth is (my truth) that hope based not on logic, or statistical fact and outcomes, and filled with platitudes, is just not me, never has been, and while I recognize and appreciate others' 'everything will be all right', it doesn't make me feel better, as it's not grounded in that which I've just listed. It's an attitude of gratitude, and all that, the 'power of positivity', etc. etc. I've read about cancer outcomes in relation to positivity. You don't want to know them. But you should do whatever you can to assuage some of your stress and concern. Almost anything. Everyone has different methods and behaviours, with varying degrees of success. I see a lot of denial out there, as well. The only advice I have is to use this time before it has run out. Say all the things you have wanted or needed to say. They may not be received in the way you wanted or needed. But unfinished, unsaid words are very, very hard to reconcile when you no longer have the other person to say them to. However, the hardest part of all is that you may in fact say them, and the other will be defensive, retaliate, be so self-involved they refuse to see any of it from your point of view. It's a catch-22 where you could be in a psychologically damaging place, either way. But you could also find some resolution, some peace, as could they.

I hope your mother pulls through. I hear gene therapy scientists have figured out a way to splice the bad, diseased genes, and replace that portion with healthy ones. It could be the answer to solving cancer.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Yes! I was sexually abused by my blood related uncle from ages 5or 6 to age 11. Then after about a year and a half of believing it was over, 3 days after my 13th birthday, He began raping me every weekday afternoon for 3 ½ months! When I missed the second period I noticed, for sure, I was so afraid that I was pregnant, I finally had the courage to tell my mom what he was doing to me! That was 8 years ago, and I still see a psychologist, and suffer w/ depression, anxiety, and PTSD. But I’ve dedicated my life to helping other girls in similar situations. Once I realized I wanted to help girls who went through what I did, I realized if I channeled every drop of energy I had into my academic work, I wouldn't have time to ruminate in my own depression and self pity! I graduated high school in 2yrs, and I finished my undergraduate degree in psychology in 2yrs 3 mos!
I work at a rape crisis center part-time, and I’m in my final months of my clinical externship for my masters degree!

Phoenix98 · Accepted Answer

My best friend was I honestly saw and treated as little brother I found out he had gone through some pretty messed up stuff when he was younger that happened to him that I can’t discuss. And it messed him up pretty good mentally, emotionally he confessed that to me drunk along with him begging me not to abandon him because he was afraid that I would if I found out.

well during this period he was going through some bad depression which I had been supporting him through it trying to help him get through it. He had already attempted suicide once already his girlfriend left him along with some other stuff. And I promised him I would help him get through it and wouldn’t let anything happen to him

Well one night I had a bad feeling like I needed to check up on him or something bad was going to happen to him. So I drove over to his apartment his car was there so I knew he was there but his door was locked his music was blasting in the living room which the door is like not even 5 feet from but he wasn’t answering and I knew I got there to late.

in my heart I knew he was already dead. Because my cellphone wasn’t working I had to drive back to my house and call the guy who owned the building and the cops to open his place up and check for sure and let them know what was going on.

And they called me later saying that he had shot himself in the head. And it devastated and fucked me mentally and emotionally.

I never forgave myself for his death to this day I still think it’s my fault that I didn’t do enough or maybe if I had gotten there sooner he’d be alive or I did this or that and it haunts me to this day.

i also have a sort of pseudo survivors guilt regarding the whole thing because I went through a similar thing the life draining depression the suicide attempts the thoughts when I was younger but was able to pull myself out of it through sheer willpower without any help from anyone but he wasn’t even with support and help.

And I wish our fates were reversed. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad to be alive and well and have no suicidal thoughts or anything. But he didn’t deserve to die what happened to him was unfair and when he died it felt like I lost my baby brother and that I failed him which hurt even more especially when his mom who had abandoned him as a child who he and her had reconciled about a year before his death, reached out to me to offer me emotional support and told me how much he talked about me and how much I meant to him. Apparently I was really one of his only friends if not his only real friend.

Aside from thaT

I've seen dead bodies

almost killed a 3-4 year old kid in my truck

was bullied and picked on as child to the point it’d be considered abuse which that whole experience fundamentally changed me as a person.

I’ve been betrayed by people I though were my friends who tried to with the help of a high schooler jump me when I was outside taking a walk. That further changed me as a person.

almost died one time doctor said it was a literal miracle I was alive.

was about this close to being killed at my job.

sorry for the long post.

Joshydavid25 · Accepted Answer

As a child being raised by a single mother, anytime kids were bullying us, she would usually come to the rescue and the kids wouldn't have much to say.. So, when she tried to come to my sister's rescue again and she got cursed out by a bunch of hood brats, that psychological messed me up as a growing boy.. I can imagine what seeing your mother like you did would do to me.. My condolences man..

avery58 · Answer

I'm sorry your mom is going through that.

I really hope she gets better soon. Love and prayers for her 🤍

I've seen some disturbing things on the internet (definitely wasn't looking for them but some people have no respect and upload things you weren't expecting). I still think about them from time to time, but I try not to spend much time dwelling on it cause it sometimes makes me very pessimistic.

Meropatrick · Answer

Yes i understand what you are talking about. Two things will help you. Passing of time. And taking action. Like support your mom. U will feel less helpless. Make her laugh cheer her up. It will make it easier for both of u. Dont feel like a helpless victim and stay positive u will be less traumatised. what u have been through is traumatic

Theodoricus · Answer

Stay strong for your mom. I hope she gets better.

sage2021 · Answer

Seeing my son on life support and so sick 🤢 from bacterial meningitis.
No Mom should witness her only child dying and on life support and not having anyone there to be with her, supporting her. But that's what happened to my son and myself.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I know where you are coming from, my Dad is undergoing chemo too. He's lost a lot of weight and is quite frail looking. Not at all what he looked like throughout his life.

NathanDavis · Answer

I've seen stuff...🫂 make sure you talk it out with someone...

mandyfire98 · Answer

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

Dongie · Answer

Many, many things have I seen. I've seen many, many things.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m sorry im sure that’s difficult we all experience hardships this is what life is all about

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Yeah, that’s what we call “trauma” lol

exitseven · Answer

I had a near death experience.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Evidently. 😂 Just not sure what it is. 🤔

Charliefretz329 · Answer

Many things…

Have you seen or experienced something that messed you up psychologically?

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