Am I Asking For Too Much? PART 1?

Question

Hello and thank you for reading.

The past month has been incredibly overwhelming. After graduating high school, I've been spending my summer at home with my parents, sister, and my brother's family, which includes four kids.

The situation began in June when my sister-in-law (SIL) started having difficulty cooking and eventually couldn't manage it at all. She's been a stay-at-home mom for a long time now. Aside from cooking lunch, she'd stay in the room all day or out in the living room just lying on the couch. It's not as if she'd always do the cooking either, I'd help too, but once she couldn't get off the couch or her hand hurt too much, I started to do everything around the house.

I even had to watch the baby, who is 1, but was okay because I'd watch here and there since her mom was still in the living room and my mom also helped to watch her. In July SIL eventually left for the ER due to swollen feet. I knew she had some complications, but she was always cancelling or rescheduling her doctor's appointments.

During her absence, I continued managing the household, caring for the kids, and supporting my mom, who works from home. My mom helped to cook too and occasionally helped to watch the baby at night. However, the baby soon grew to not want to be with my mom and always wanted me.

SIL’s return this week has added even more responsibility. She can't walk on her own much and is often confused. I've been helping her to get up out of bed, make her food, make sure she gets her meds, take her to the bathroom, etc. As a certified CNA, I’m more patient with SIL and help her with her recovery, including exercises and advice. Despite my efforts, the workload has been exhausting. I handle tasks from early morning until late at night, balancing care for the kids, SIL, and household chores. I’m often up until 3 a. m. and then wake at 6 a. m. to get the kids ready for school. The constant demands have left me with little time to rest or care for myself.

Updates

1 y

How Part 2 starts: This is only the first week since she's been back, but it's added a lot to my plate from having to care for the kids, her, and also do chores. I don't do dishes now until 8pm because the baby is always needy, and she cries with her siblings, so I always have to calm her down.
Profile: JustAnotherStory

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

What are you asking? I read your post and saw no asks? So your not asking anything;

Though I can read between the clear lines, and what you might be questioning is should this be your problem at all. Is it not reasonable to expect more of your SIL?

Your not asking too much, but she is clearly either not understanding how much you all are doing for her, or she is taking you all for granted.

I guess you can start, by instead of doing things yourself, say to your SIL; Come help me with <baby name> please (be cheery), if she makes some reason she can't, bring the baby to her, with whatever she needs; Then let her do the thing; Over time increase the amounts you expect her to do. If this doesn't lead to her naturally taking on more responsibilities; Next thing you need to do is talk to your SIL about why she's not doing things for her own child, start by explaining your knowledge and understanding of her 'special circumstances', reflect sympathy and explain how you have been happy to help (but then qualify that with what your not happy about).

A heart condition, or any medical issue doesn't excuse a person dealing with their responsibilities. It does make caring others sympathise and understand, and when we can help its good, but its never good for them to not every single day fight to do their part. I myself have a heart condition leaving me continuously tired, I do know it can be hard to keep going, but I know the moment I give myself the excuse to stop its won. So I keep going. It's hard and you can be clear your not, failing to understand; Just making it clear that people have to push forward.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Girl, it doesn't sound like you're asking for too much at all! You've been taking on way more responsibility than any teenager should have to. It's great that you want to help out your family, but you also need to make sure you're not getting burnt out.

Your SIL's situation definitely sounds complicated, but it's not fair for everyone to expect you to do all the caretaking and household jobs by yourself. You need time for yourself too. Have you talked to your parents about how overwhelmed you've been feeling? I think it would help if they and your brother pitched in more so the pressure isn't just on you. Even things like your mom watching the baby more evenings so you can relax a little.

Your health and well-being matters too. You shouldn't have to be up until 3am every night just to keep everything running smoothly. Is there any other family that could give you a break sometimes? Or maybe look into getting some outside help, even if it's just a few hours a day or on weekends. It's okay to accept limits and ask for help when you're stretched too thin.

Your family will understand if you speak up about needing more balance. Just be honest about how exhausted you feel. This isn't a situation you can sustain long-term on your own. You deserve time for friends and unwinding too during your summer. I'm here if you want to vent more - hoping your parents can take some load off your plate. Don't burn yourself out, girl!