How can I overcome the pressure from my family to get married and have kids?

[Anonymous]

My dad has cancer and is in the process of getting genetic testing done. He told me that he didn’t even know if the information would be worth sharing because he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get grandchildren. My dad has been a dick to me for 3/4 of my life so I don’t think he even deserves grandkids at this point.

My grandma is trying to set me up with her nail tech. She’s not even my type. My grandma is a nice lady and I do want to give her some great-grandkids but I’m not going to just hook up with any woman.

My mom is always yapping to her best friends about my accomplishments and her friends are picking out which type of woman I need to get. These women mean well, but the women I typically match with/date don’t fit their description.

I genuinely do want a wife and kids someday, but it’s hard to get a girlfriend and maintain a relationship in today’s dating world. My close friends are struggling too. What can I do to shut my family up besides jumping into anything?

[rosemilk]

these are old people... they all grew up in a time where marrying and having kids all before the age of 25 was normal. that's super tough now. just smile and nod and then change the subject. repeat again and again, even in the span of like 5 minutes as they continue to steer the subject to where they want to. if that doesn't work, walk away. live your own life. decline any of their pushy advances. there is no way to change these people's perspectives. they think something is "wrong" with you (there isn't, by the way) because it was so easy for them when they were your age. unfortunately, it's not like that anymore and they are too dumb to realize that

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Usually, older folks respect plans, whether real or imagined. Tell them "finances are too tight right now" or "I want to [insert random item] first". Just move the goal posts and always pop something in there.

If you have enough of a relationship, you can always just sit down and have a brief chat. Just say "You seem concerned about my love life, but you need to let me have the space to handle that area myself. I'm the one who has to live with that decision, and it feels invasive when you are so pushy about it". If they try and laugh it off, say "I am being serious. I'd appreciate it if you would leave this topic alone". Most people will respect that, and if your family has never respected a boundary of yours before, this will get their attention and let them know you are an adult and they crossed a line.

Don't get married for any reason other than you knowing it's the right thing for you. That's worth setting boundaries for.

[Universaldance]

Sounds to me like we’re not the only ones with overbearing parents. If it’s not a parent’s drinking vice it’s abuse, and if it’s not that it’s short temper, if not that then not present and if not that then they are present but don’t teach us anything or they do but it’s too much discipline or even narcissism. Sorry I’m just projecting. I feel this is how us guys bond and come together as brothers around this age.



To answer your question though, this is going to be your future. While you could welcome just anybody they’d introduce to you- still there are values/traits that you would want your partner to mutually share with you. I would think about their well-meaning good intentions and tell them you appreciate them wanting to help court you with a potential mate. She is out there for you in the season that you’ve got your eyes and heart open ready to receive her into your life exactly as you declare in your life

[art84]

My grandfather would always say to me "Why don't you get married and settle down?". I would just ignore him as I never wanted to get a gigirlfriend. My mom would consistently tell me to ask a girl out that I liked though it never went anywhere when asking her out. To make matters worse when my mom and dad were like you really missed up by not going after that girl, in your 20's. She pretty much was the one that got away though if things were different then who knows. My younger brother has two sons and two daughters so my parents have grandchildren. I never wanted to get married or have children back then. Marriage isn't for everyone especially nowadays.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

What rosemilk said.
Do not let your parents, or other institutions impose their views on your views, this normative pressure is theirs, this philosophy is theirs. I don't mean to be confrontational with them, you can be if you want, but technically, you can just let them talk, and simulate listening. I did that often lol

[CuriousHubby]

You don't... Shirt answer is to lye your dating someone.

Long answer is you never end the pressure! They will always push you for things cause they... Care... Never feels like it but they shove cause they want the best for you.

Good luck my mom shoved me at my wife till we got married before she died... Talk about pressure!

[msc545]

Move away from your family to another state or another town and only talk to them occasionally. If at all. You don't deserve to be pressured like this. Nobody does.

[Asker]

Funny thing is that I do live a 3 hour drive away. The pressure intensifies whenever I go home to visit.

[msc545]

Stop visiting them, and stop talking to them.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You could always fake date someone and make it look like the relationship is a disaster. A big, explosive, dramatic end and that should tell them that their tastes are not going to help you find a partner

[DishLady]

As a guy you have infinite time to settle down and have kids, so you can just tell them to cool their jets. Better to marry when you’re ready than to marry too soon and end up miserable and divorced or miserable and cheating on your spouse….

[Titanic1912]

Maybe you should wait until the right one comes. It’s all in God’s time. That’s why I’m willing to wait.

[college-student2021]

The situation you are in sucks but i recommend to stand your ground if the woman your being presented aren’t of your liking.


Just remember don’t have crazy litmus test for a future wife.

[Caroline91]

Just smile at them, laugh and let it roll off your shoulders. You'll know when it's the right time and the right girl without anyone else's help. lol

[exitseven]

Okay- you need to get your own life in order before you can get serious about marriage. Get a good career, get some experiences and develop confidence.

[DrPepper12]

Directly and firmly tell them you're grateful but to FUCK OFF AND MYOFB!

[lightbulb27]

Laugh? Ask them if the spouse and kids is what made them look so old.

[Nikki1989]

You don't give in to any of that pressure. It is your life.

[Jamie05rhs]

The information is definitely worth sharing, because you're going to need to share that info with whomever you're dating.
So he's wrong on that point.

[LiamJHayden]

If an inheritance is involved, smile and pretend to go along with it. The estate will be nothing or next to nothing, ignore them. Either way, live your life.

[serious_miss419]

Their generation took the initiative and did the work to maintain a relationship. You just said it’s too hard.
The pressure is self inflicted

[jahaims]

By being a grown man and not worrying about what others say or think.

[Ladsin2]

Why should you? Sure 9/10 may not work out, but you're only looking for one anyway right?

[noohair]

Social media has ruined dating and courtship.

[fonduegirl]

You're in a tight spot

[college-student2021]

By the way how come you aren’t in the same situation? I heard many Indian families pressure their kids to marry once they reach 20s

[fonduegirl]

@college-student2021 my parents are very unhappy with their marriage, lucky for me

[college-student2021]

Well at least they won’t be pressuring you to marry anytime soon

[fonduegirl]

@college-student2021 thank goodness

[ashikaa20]

@hanabunny

[Deserter2]

Do as you please

[Anonymous]

İts sad