Would you put your parent in a nursing home?

Question

My mom’s in her early 50s and my grandparents are in their 70s. They’re all physically fine and in good shape thankfully.

As a kid, i always told my mom that I’d build her a cottage on my property to keep her close. As an adult, I told her thats absolutely no longer happening lol.

she's been a fcking demon the last 7 years. She got that attitude/behavior from my grandma and now I feel like my little sis is acting just like them. My grandpa and I continue to pray for our own sanity each day because they want to get to us so badly and drain us physically, mentally, and financially.

I told my mom she’s either getting an in home nurse when she ages up, or she’s going in a nursing home because I ain't changing shit (and I meant that literally). She got mad and talked all crazy so I told her “and this is why that pissy nursing palace will be keeping you company cause I’ll only be visiting twice a year”. Then my grandma jumped in and said “How dare you talk to her like that?” And I told her “Don’t worry, you’ll be there long before she’s sent there.” Then my mom started laughing cause she's definitely throwing her mom in there after all she put her through in childhood.

By the way, anyone going to see this new movie where she's forced to take care of her evil ass stepmother in all?#FeelFreeToList

Dongie · Accepted Answer

With my Das we had no choice. I went home to help mom in June 2000. About a year and a half he got so bad he couldn't walk under his own strength. He forbid calling an ambulance. I did anyway. I had to chase them up the street as they turned around just before reaching our driveway. A neighbor was pulling up to his house as I was falling behind. He chased them down. He went into the hospital and then a nursing home. It smelled of piss like you say. I found a much better one, all the while getting abuse from his snobby sisters. He passed almost 6 months later. The last few weeks unconscious.

Mother we kept at home. She lost her second battle with cancer about 3 years and 9 months after he went. He suffered a long time mom didn't.

SamIam96 · Accepted Answer

A close friend of mine was recently moved from his home to an assisted living facility. Those places have an undeserved bad reputation. When my friend was home he was lonely, he ate at irregular times, drank more than he should and friends and family visited only occasionally.

Since moving, he looks better, stronger and is obviously happier. He told me "I like this place". The facility he's in has small, private apartments including a kitchenette. They have an array of activities, including a daily cocktail hour, meals in a nice dining area and exercise.

When I'm struggling, I think the place I want to be is with professional care. Of course, with friends and family visiting as they would at home.

RavVid · Answer

I think it will come down to sheer practicality in the end.

It seems mean and calloused to some to do this - after all they raised you etc etc. But I don't think the amount of effort can be over estimated. It could only work if a son or daughter was retired and was more or less continually available and devotes their entire life to parental care

That is particularly the case if there is dementure. Truth is demented old people can be very nasty. An elderly acquaintance was told by her more elderly mother that she was meant to be an abortion. Jeez, that was hard for her to laugh off.

Modern medical science is increasing life spans so a parent could require 30 years of care, 20 would not be unusual if they live into the 90's..

I did see a program on the benefits of nursing homes in the Philippines. Higher staff patient ratios, more activities. Have doubts I could ship them out. I might be ready for retirement so it could work perhaps.

Mark987 · Answer

I am going to be honest to you. Growing up I told myself I would never put either of my parents in a nursing home then reality hit. In 2017 my dad suffered a stroke and again for the next 2 years we did everything we could to keep home. His final major stroke was in July 2019 that caused him to be paraylyzed on the left side of his body even with physio. The doctors at the hopsital told us that we had no choice but to put him in a nursing home. It was a really hard decsion because as everyone knows nursing homes are hit or miss. The first one we brought him to was horrible ( neglect, no care, etc). I got him out in two days... and got him into a really good one, where he lived for two months. Sometimes you need to accept the fact that it is out of our hands.

Finchie40 · Answer

If your Mom is on her 50’s she is more than likely going tough menopause , that’s why she’s been a demon towards you and probably everyone else as well. Menopause is some crazy shit that females’ go through , why a lot of marriages tend to not make it when a girl goes through menopause , Her brain and hormones get all out of wack and starts being crazy lol

JSkye · Answer

Yeah, I mean, I have nothing to do with my parents' advance into old age.

I am the eldest daughter and a lot of things are expected of me, but I have no intention of doing that. They have a lot of money and they are independent, so they will be going the in-home nurse route.

Wiredone · Answer

My dad put my mother in a nursing home because he couldn't take care of her by himself. He tried getting nurses to come in but they never showed up. I did my best to help but being that I worked full time and had my own family, I couldn't be there as much as he needed

kellytheman · Answer

I think having a parent or grandparent in a nursing home is not that bad especially if it’s a good one. I work at nursing home/assisted living/independent community as a security officer and they seem happy or fine. I just feel when a patent or grandparent stays falling down or very hard to take care of that when they need to go to a place that specializes in that.

Twalli · Answer

It depends on the situation my girlfriend and I will be in. Currently we're looking at a situation where we can't have anyone over for the night, which would mean my parents couldn't live with me. My girlfriend's sister has no room, she has 4 kids and her husband has 2. The best bet for my parents may be my sister, but they'd have to move to Texas.

Fifi86 · Answer

In my culture is bad to put your mom in a nursing home. So even though my mom is so negative and has anger issues. And my father passed away last year, my self and my sisters take turns in having her stay with each one of us. We are all married with kids. I fight with her every time but she is still my mother and she is in her late 70s so we just has to b patient with her just like she was patient with us when we're babies/kids/teens

Saggitariusdiva · Answer

Nahh it honestly won't be fair on them.. ikr they've been through a lot for me and eventhough some times they piss me off I still won't I love them so much😊❤  XOXO

MemeSupreme · Answer

yes 100%  one has NPD and the other a mostly undependable addict. and by the way i felt like i was there the way you wrote that lol

exitseven · Answer

I had to put my mother in a nursing home. I found one a couple of miles from my house and I visited her almost every day.

Lynx122 · Answer

My mom is planning to go back to the city she grew up in and live their with her best friend. I think she still has 15 years before things might get difficult. I don't know what will happen then yet tbh. I'll just try and visit her regularly and see how things go.

alice55 · Answer

Most likely will live with me and if I'm married it'll depend if my spouse agree or not but if he doesn't agree then at least living very near us so I can visit her by walk everyday. So long as she do not have a pathology that force her to go to a nursing house like Alzheimer or something. Those people need 24 / 7 care so no adult can do this except a multiple set of nurse.

worldscolide · Answer

Yes, but only because I want literally nothing to do with my mom. If I actually cared about her I'd do everything I could to keep her out of one.

elaphe · Answer

We went through this with my grandmother after she had a stroke. It is much easier to think you will take care of someone who is incapacitated than to actually do it.

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

My parents have passed. But if they needed around the clock care, I would. I have taken care of elderly patients but their care was 1000 times better than nursing home care.

Abdulwahh · Answer

No never these are the people who fed me and clothed me and tried there best to care for me. Oh lord protect my parents as they cared for me when i was little.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Only if they reached a point where they could no longer live on their own.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I would. I'd do my best to keep them out of the home as long as possible and continue to include them in familial stuff as much as possible.

The unfortunate reality is that people do eventually reach an age where they need more support than family members can really give them.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I wouldn't, but I would hire a caregiver to help me.

Jerre · Answer

If my parents still alive and they were in failing health and needed 24 hour care, yes I would put them in a nursing home.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Mine are gone, but I would have paid for in home hospice if it came to that.

nawtee_me · Answer

My mother wants to go in a nursing home so that is settled…. lol

MisterWack · Answer

Here is the thing, it is up for my parents and my parents alone. I expect them to make a great choice on their own, my say doesn’t matter because it is their life.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Sadly, my mom lived to age 58 sick with Sarcoma Cancer, she had to be placed in a Nursing Home. And right now, my dad is age 83 and in a Nursing Home. But we have been estranged for many years.

Agape93 · Answer

I'd throw them down a mineshaft if I could get away with it.

NathanDavis · Answer

if absolutely needed so, I would bring the nursing to her home...

DishLady · Answer

Depends on the situation and what's best for the parent.

MicahRaine · Answer

They're gonna have in-house nurses.

Pink2000 · Answer

Yes. I tell my mom all the time I’m putting her in a home when she gets old. She thinks I’m playing but I’m serious.

Lottydotty · Answer

On their if possible. Nursing home if possible. But I'd do better to see them and spend time with them. Make sure kids stay attentive to them when they do see them.

RHK36 · Answer

Not really on speaking terms with my dad anymore, so don't give a shit what he does. My mom would never be put in a home even if she was mentally ill.

MysticDevice · Answer

I'd really rather not. They simply suck. Understaffed, underfunded, unorganized.

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

Only if I absolutely could not take care of Dad / Mom due to mental health disabilities.

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

My dad yes lol.. My mom no... I can't stand my "father".

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No. She's wasting all of her money. She won't be able to afford it.

legalboxers · Answer

If I could I would..

electromagnetic · Answer

Sounds diabolical 😆I could never.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

No unless they asked me too

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No..

justabuddy · Answer

Not by choice.

Would you put your parent in a nursing home?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Sadly, my mom lived to age 58 sick with Sarcoma Cancer, she had to be placed in a Nursing Home. And right now, my dad is age 83 and in a Nursing Home. But we have been estranged for many years.

Would you put your parent in a nursing home?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Sadly, my mom lived to age 58 sick with Sarcoma Cancer, she had to be placed in a Nursing Home. And right now, my dad is age 83 and in a Nursing Home. But we have been estranged for many years.

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