When your parents get old, would you care for them or leave them in a nursing home?

Question

Jerre · Accepted Answer

I would leave them in a nursing home where they would get much better care than I could give.

Bricealan · Accepted Answer

Have them cared for at home.

dustybiker2 · Answer

I looked after my mum for dementia for 15 years. She fell fracturing her hip on a carpet I put down the day before, while I was in an early shower. She forgot it was there and backed up into it helping my 15 year old golden having a grandmal seizure.
The hospital talked me into putting her into a "therapy home" for two weeks while she recovered her strength.
It was during covid.
They would not let me visit the hospital or the... "physical therapy" home.
They found her on the floor the following morning.
They gave her a drug for schizophrenia by mistake, that melted her brain. Went from helping my golden to not being able to lift utensils and blowing bubbles. The a second dr almost made the same mistake that the nurse caught. The damage was done however.
They didn't take her for x-rays and didn't tell me any of this for days. A nurse called me 1 am and quietly read off a stream of shit she wasn't supposed to share.
And they didn't exercise her. When the hospital had her up walking four hours after surgery. When her only reason for being there was for the extensive exercise program.
She died from a blood clot to the lung, the common direct result of not getting exercise after hip surgery. She stopped breathing before her heart.
Two days shy of two weeks in their deadly services...
The after care services then lost her remains. And ignored my calls and my attorneys for 6 months.
I will never be able to scatter her ashes over Portsdown hill in England as she wanted.

In retrospect I should have listened to my gut and rejected the hospitals encouragements to take advantage of a rest and have my mum... cared for for two weeks. My mum would still be with my family.

My father died in an ambulance from a hospice to hospital. He had pancreatic cancer and was terminal. He required round the clock care for three months and the insurance said it was too expensive for in home care. With my mum running a business at the time and us out of state with our own work, there was no choice.

Moral. Keep your loved ones safe.

Dennisjf12 · Answer

When your parents get old, would you care for them or leave them in a nursing home?  The question is not that easy, But some of our parents if it is just one or both would require a full time and in some cases a nurse, so you must ask your self, is there a person in your family that if needed can bath, feed & give them there meds 24hrs a day and be behind them to make sure they use there walker because if they fall and get a broken bone & have to be put in the hospital and get anomia that could kill them. So unless you can afford to hire a nurse you need to send them to a nursing home.  We had to go through all this with my mom. And know I will give you the rest of my story and my mom. That would be very hard to say. And what I tell you next was very real and happened between both my mom and me.  My Mom was a very independent woman and she had been married and divorced three time to different husband's and I moved her from Ohio to North Carolina to Florida to North Carolina and back to Ohio again, in total I moved her 11 times. When she lived at her last apartment she lived with only her little dog and they loved to walk and they did a lot of it, soon she started to have a lot of knee pain and the doctor's were talking about replacing her knees.  After surgery, I was with her when she woke up in the rehabilitation center, when she woke up and there was a wooden cabinet in her room across from her bed and then she asked me if grandpa made that cabinet, grandpa when he was still living was great at wood working and had died years before her knee surgery.  But the drugs used on her during her knee surgery had changed her brain like someone had flipped a switch in her head and if I had known that before her surgery I would have never let her have that surgery it and not only did she ever walk again, but it changed her life for the worst saying that the classes that they wanted her to join in was child's play and the other exercises hurt her knees too bad and my mom's mental condition continued to get worse to the point where her Alltimers turned into Sundowners Syndrome were when the sun goes down my mom thinks her dead husband is still living and wants picks places from her past and tells you she is there and that she wanted me to come get her. But what do you tell your mom when she wants you to get her at a place she is not really at.  And her condition continued to decline until she died.

ohsheeT · Answer

My mom was living with my sister and nephew she called me up and asked if I could come pick her up. So I did

I asked what was wrong. She said she didn't want to live there anymore and told me why

She asked if I would help her find a new place to live.
I told her I couldn't do that because she had alzheimer's dementia

I was just starting a new relationship and it was going to change my life. But I told her she had to come live with me
Or she had to stay at my sister's

She chose to come live with me
That's one thing that I think is very cruel. Is to put your parents in a nursing home
They don't know anybody they get treated like crap and I believe there probably abused

She lived with me for 4 years the last eighteen months of her life for maybe because I couldn't work. I couldn't even get out of the house i had no help. Until probably the last three weeks of her life

I don't wish it on any one. But I am very, very happy that she chose me to take care of her because to the very end. I could still make her laugh.
I could make her snap out of the. Dementia for moments. Just by making her laugh, she died in peace. I believe she was happy

And I believe.
If you take them to a nursing home, they die unhappy. It's just the worst thing in the world so to you. I said good job. I think you're a great person to wanna do that. Most people are too selfish and don't want to be bothered by it

For 16 and a 1/2 years, my mom gave me a good life took care of me. It's at least I could do to make the last part of her life. Happy to say thank you

Lliam · Answer

When my mom was dying of cancer, we kept her at home where she had lived for 44 years and raised us. She wanted to die in her home, surrounded by loved ones, as had her mother and father. My sister, who is a nurse and lived a block away, cared for her. I visited all the time.

Years later, my sister moved into our old house and had it rebuilt to live with our dad and care for him. When he reached the point where he couldn't move around and she couldn't care for him anymore, we moved him into a nice nursing home. He actually liked it there. By then, I had moved away, but my sister visited him all the time and looked out for him.

I honestly don't think I could have been a caretaker.

My sister still lives in the house we grew up in. It's really nice after the additions and remodeling, and it's in a good neighborhood. I consider it her reward for caring for our parents. She's an angel.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes they have to be in a nursing home or assisted living because the level of medical care they need you can't do at home. You could hire a home nurse but sometimes even that's not enough, it all depends on their medical situation.

The problem is, most people don't have insurance coverage for long-term care like this. Regular health insurance doesn't cover it, and Medicare doesn't cover it. The only option is Medicaid, and before that will pay for it they have to spend all of their own money on it, including the value of their house. A lifetime of savings can disappear in a few months.

The other problem is many people are alone at that age and have no one to keep tabs on them in the nursing home or assisted living facility, and they're not physically or mentally able to defend themselves, leaving them open to abuse by the staff, especially at the Medicaid-level facilities.

MemeSupreme · Answer

idkk it depends how close we are by then  atm tho i probably wouldn't take care of them

loveyouoak · Answer

If you leave your family in a nursing home here, they’ll call you ungrateful. So you have to take care of your parents.

UnwantedScorpio · Answer

Leave them in a home they don’t get the damn nursing home cause they made my life a livinghell

Shiprex · Answer

It's necessary to care for them but allow them the independence to live as free and independent as possible

LiamJHayden · Answer

I would have cared for them, but both passed while I was in my teens.

Iron_Man · Answer

Nursing homes are horrible always care for the parents

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

I took care of mine but they passed before we had to consider a home

Amur8711 · Answer

It depends on how well they are doing, what they want and if it's realistic to take care of them myself. I think nursing home is last resort.

WonderingManII · Answer

I don't know, it depends on what God wants me to do.

DJB72 · Answer

I'm my mum's main carer

When your parents get old, would you care for them or leave them in a nursing home?

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