What's your view on putting your parents in a nursing home when they get older?

[itsannalee]

[FunkyMonkee]

It's ONLY needed if they can't fend for themselves and they have no one there to help them!! OR, if THEY choose to go themselves. It's NOT a closet where you can shove your unwanted elderly and let them wait for their time to die as they wither away to nothing and you can go once a week for a visit and PRETEND to be happy and that everything's alright!! Besides, they were there for you when YOU NEEDED THEM so, there's NOTHING WRONG with you being there to help them in their dire times!! My ex-sisters couldn't WAIT to throw mom into a home so they could get all her money!!! But I stuck by her and helped her as much as I could and was there holding her hand when she breathed her last!!
I cured her cancer!!! Gave her well over another year of life!! My ex-sisters would've been happy to let her die in the hospital!! They told me she should be in a nursing home because it's not up to me (or us) to take care of her!! (She DID have to go for 5 days after I hurt my arm but she HATED IT and they treated her like shit!! She'd tell them she had to pee and they'd come back several hours later with a bed pan while the woman in the other half of the room got the royal treatment!! Waited on hand and foot 24/7!!)

[exitseven]

I had to find a nursing home for my mother. She could no longer live on her own. I had to take her car keys away. More than once I went to visit her and saw that she left the burner on the stove on. She fell in her front yard and it was many hours before somebody came to her aid.

My wife and I did extensive research on Nursing Homes. My wife works in healthcare so she knew a lot about what was important. There are some facilities that have fancy sitting rooms and chandeliers in the dining room but it is the staff that is more important. We found a place that had a low staff turnover and that the staff could speak English. We picked a place 5 or 6 miles from my house. I wanted to be able to visit my mother almost every day. If the staff sees that you visit every day they will take extra good care of their patient and make sure the bed linens get changed and the room is neat.

My mother was there for a couple of years before she died and a few people from the nursing home showed up. I was happy to see that she had a friendly relationship with some of the staff members.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[fantasticass]

When my parents finally moved to their retirement home, there comment was " we should of done this 10 year's earlier ". My parents love living in their retirement home. They go to the dinning room for lunch and dinner. All their medical needs are taken care of, and the staff are tremendous. Do your homework before allowing your parents to move in. My dad pays $12,000.00 a month for his apartment at the retirement home. It's extremely expensive, but it's worth every penny.

[MemeSupreme]

depends on the home, their needs, where you live, and so many things

i dont think its a black and white thing

[Billlewis]

If you're white, it's payback for kicking us out of the house the day we turned 18.

[lokumcugirl]

Are they really doing this?

[Billlewis]

@lokumcugirl Oh, absolutely. If you're smart, like I was, your relatives will often try to shove college up your ass, and if you don't want to go, will then leverage the roof over your head -- 'If you go to school, you can stay, if not, get out'. I was working two jobs and paying her rent, and she still kicked me out. It happens more often than you think.

[lokumcugirl]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, that kind of family bonds are not something I'm used to but I thought it was a stereotype for white people

[Billlewis]

@lokumcugirl. No, it's true, albeit not as much today as it was when I was graduating high school, because housing has become so much more costly, due to decades of artificially low interest rates. White folks don't just hate themselves, many of us despise our kids, too, often because of jealousy. My mom was jealous as hell of me.

[lokumcugirl]

That honestly sounds traumatizing. I study abroad and my mom calls me everyday, just to make sure I'm fine and I don't feel alone. But my white friends call their family once or twice a month and it's unbelievable for me

[Billlewis]

@lokumcugirl. Yeah, we can be pretty mean sometimes. In my case, the situation was worsened by the fact that my mom did what a lot of white women do -- have one child, then wait nearly ten years before having the second one. When they're both boys, by two different men, that's a recipe for conflict. But the upside to being the first one is that by having a rough childhood, you may decide not to grow up very much, which can be a good thing, as long as you don't get too crazy;)

[Billlewis]

That's why I haven't dated a white girl since the 80's; I'm going to marry a Filipina lady in February.

[lokumcugirl]

I'm sending you lots of hugs and good energy 🫂✨
I hope you will be happy in your marriage, maybe I should also look for someone in my own culture 🥲

[Billlewis]

@lokumcugirl. Thanks, dear.

[Curmudgeon]

@DryGermanGuy beat me to it, but this question matters so much. My old man is 91 years old and physically debilitated. Mentally, however, he is still sharp. He wants to stay in the ancestral home (about 3 hours drive from me). And so he does. He has my sister, my nephew (sister's young adult kid, dad's first grandson), and a hired attendant to cover various times of day or night, and I come down at least a weekend a month for bills and financial matters. But if he got mentally out of it, we would have to institutionalize him.

[Lliam]

Sometimes it is necessary. And some nursing homes are really nice.

My sister is (was) a nurse and came to live at my dad's house when he got too frail to totally care for himself. She added onto the house and modernized it. She cared for him for several years but, at some point, she was unable to do everything. For example, she couldn't lift him if necessary.
So we put him in a nice nursing home where he was very happy. He liked the staff and they took good care of him. My sister visited regularly and I visited fairly often when I could.

[Purpleronnie]

I wouldn’t be putting my parents anywhere they didn't want to go unless it was a medical fact they weren’t in a position to be making best judgement for their own health or safety.


All I having been doing in that respect is gaining power of attorney over their finances and estate so that I can make the most Informed decisions should I ever have to act on their behalf and reluctantly place them in care.


My mothers words on the subject are presently “ they only way I’m leaving this house is in a box “ … enough said 😂

[aaron13547]

Nope. I wish I could give my parents away. As much as they aggravate me! But i dont think it works that way... they will be my problem till I die. I say that because after they die, they will still be problem, then ill miss all the things I complain about now.

I think we have to share in every second of the excruciating torture of their death... Instead of seeing it as suffering, we have to stand by and celebrate the life they gave us with the life they will soon lose. I will be there for every second of that for my parents... no nursery home for mine. My home will always have a place for them, just as their home always had a place for me.

[Tarifa]

Having taken care of my father when he was very ill, I would say I'm against nursing homes. Even if it wasn't easy for the rest of the family, I think elderly people should stay at home as long as possible, in their environment and close to their relatives.

[DryGermanGuy]

The question is, if someone is physically frail or mentally failing? With the former you can workaround by bringing them groceries and organize a help for cleaning. With the latter, when you have to be afraid they might set the house on fire, you often have no choice but a nursing home.

[egan3141]

Thankfully, my parents have already told me what they want. When they get that old, I will hire a live-in nurse/caretaker. Nursing homes, or rather their idea, is a good thing, but their implementation, their reality... it is almost always terrible...

[genericname85]

nursing the elderly is a trade people learn. there's so much things to know that i can't reasonably learn or do besides working fulltime. so it makes sense to put parents in a nursing home at the point where they can't live alone anymore. i talked through this with my parents. we both agree that my parents feel like me wiping their butts with old age won't feel dignified to them. so they're cool with it.

[tfan1]

Well my mother is not in a nursing home, but she is in assisted living. She’s 87 and she got the shingles which completely short-circuited her right arm and some of her other systems. She’s still able to walk, but now she has to use a Rollator and most of the time she just sits in a lift chair in her room and watches TV.

[Iron_Man]

Absolutely not 100% no those place are horrible. They don’t care about you. You’re just a number on a ticket you’re abandoned and your left to die and they won’t help you with anything because they’ll get an attitude the nurses and the assistant nurses

[Stevepro68]

In the US it is an insanely difficult and complicated decision. Most good people don't want to. But have to be forced. Resources safety knowledge and commitment to other parts of the family make it a difficult decision. Some times it has to be done.

[AviatorTom]

My parents never went to a nursing home. My father died at home, in his own bed, independent and fully functional til the end. My mother died in hospice after a hospital operation went wrong.

[hafinjun]

I lived with my favorite aunt so she could live out her life not in a nursing home. It wasn't that hard but her passing was

[hafinjun]

My mom moved back in with her mom who was suffering dementia. I believe it can become to difficult to take proper care of. My grandmother would get up at 2 or 3 in the morning and go for walks or worse yet go knock on the house next doors front door to talk to her best friend who'd passed away several years prior. One morning my mom had to go in and wake her up at which time she discovered my grandma's face was scratched and bloody. Apparently she'd fallen while on walk about.

[NathanDavis]

we rather bring the nurses and care into their home, our home...

[Caughtulookin]

Both my parents died in the house they lived in for 30 years. I know my mother would not have liked a nursing home and she died of Dementia. My father died of Cancer and a Cancer patient generally dies in their home or the hospital.

[queenofcardio]

It's not something we do in my culture. We try to avoid it

[red-lipstick-girl]

Hayır, beni sevgiyle büyüttüler, o halde neden ben de onlara bakmayayım? Onlar benim hediyelerim. Gerekirse bir bakıcı tutabilirim.

[c704710]

This is a conversation to have with your parents before it is necessary.

[Pterodon]

My mom went because she needed full time professional care that I couldn’t provide

[loveslongnails]

Only if couldn't take care of them myself. Depending where you are in the world, cost is a very big factor in that decision as well.

[Staximus]

I think it's only good if you can't take care of their health properly or in-home care is not an option

[msg321]

What is your view on putting you in a nursing home when you get older?

[beefcakebradybatson]

It's sometimes necessarybut a child must thoroughly vet any nursing home for signs of elder abuse

[Darkest-Knight]

We had to put my father in one the last few years of his life as he required care that we were not able to give him.

[AngryCarl2]

It became necessary for my mother. Some people just need round-the-clock care.

[ABC1x1x]

You might as well just snuff them out with a pillow. A nursing home is worse than death.

[Despina7]

Here we don’t they live with us it’s older. Then. Younger generation takes over the bills. Care take.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m against it

[Nikki1989]

Only as a last resort.

[jamesgoldman]

Only if it was the only choice

[Xawyx-2]

I probably wouldn't do it.

[In_Trance]

Sometimes you have no choice

[TallAnon]

That will be her own choice, not mine.

[Bklynbadboy12]

No way I'd do that to my parents

[roy_ricky09]

Never ever

[Sam1133]

Worst sin on earth

[cavedweller1973]

Never happen here