My two best friends are pissing me off?

[red324]

I got one that throws a fit whenever I can't help him out, then the other who works all the time. I've been very patient with him because he calls me still and we talk on the phone, but he hardly does that anymore. The other day I came to the relaxation that he lives 20 minutes up the road and can't even come over and hang out for an hour. He's got a wife and kids, but shit I only hang out with him like twice a year now. His wife doesn't let him do shit when he gets home. I've come to the realization that I have two best friends of like 20 years that are now being shitty to me. Opinions?

Updates

1 y

I just feel abandoned is all.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, that really sucks. I feel you - it ain't cool when your boys start driftin' away like that.

On one hand, I get life gets busy. But sounds like these guys are takin' you for granted a bit. One constantly hasslin' you for favors but don't make time back, other one never pullin' away from the job or fam. Like ya said, 20 minutes ain't far - he can't spare an hour here n there for his best bud? Weak sauce.

Seems they forgot how much you been there before. Now they're too caught up in their own crap. I'd be pissed too feelin' abandoned after so long.

Maybe call em out respectfully, let em know it hurts seein' the effort go one way. See if they can compromise more. But I get it if they don't change... might be time to look for some new homies who really value the friendship too, ya know?

Still, 20 years is a long time. I'd give em one more chance, and if they can't follow through then it's on them for losin' a real one. You deserve people who won't leave you hangin' like that, bro. Just do what's right for you - don't let em keep takin' advantage. You'll figure it out!

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If one friend is a mooch I can understand dropping him but the other friend is a father working presumably fulltime, even moreso if he’s the singular breadwinner. Parenting is an incredibly demanding job and most parents are lucky to meet with their friends twice a year.
If you want to hang out so bad, why not invite him and his family to a barbecue or something? If you just want guy time, ask for it. How is he going to know for sure if you don’t explicitly tell him “hey, I just feel a little alone and I’d really love it if you could come over and hang out for like an hour”

[osmanthus]

It seems to make sense that if you've been close friends with somebody for 20 years that to ask some form of help and did not receive it, especially if it's financially significant, might make a person well somewhat angry. Granted this friend isn't like a sibling or deemed family but close friends generally are usually deemed family and some capacity especially if they've known each other that long.

[osmanthus]

And it seems to also make sense that if one of the close friends has a family and they probably wouldn't be seeing you all that much, especially if they have a child at home. I mean if you're close friends and you managed to meet each other once a season so once every 4 months for about 2 hours then that's already pretty significant. Maybe he could talk to his wife about meeting up with you more regularly and possibly see you as close family friend. Of course you can't force his wife to befriend you but you can try to befriend her.

[osmanthus]

Now you could try and make new friends... However I find a little bit strange that a friend who's not close for 20 years would get pissed off and you for being unable to help usually there's some understanding that a friend of that long probably wouldn't be able to help every single time they're asked.

[osmanthus]

Are you sure this friend of 20 years who asked for help is as close as you think?

[osmanthus]

I mean if you have this friend as a social media friend but you only see them every few months and it's in the context of like drinking or some other very superficial get together then one can't really say that 20 years being that person's friend is close.

[osmanthus]

It also includes having a hobby together like watching a sport or participating in a sport or whatever endeavor that you might have temporarily shared with each other. Being close friends for 20 years necessitates some emotional vulnerability and sharing that goes beyond financial matters. They know your family matters and you know theirs and so on and so forth.

[red324]

He's always been like that. He's just mad about the situation he's in and takes it out on everyone else. It's nothing I did. I'm just starting to get irritated with the one with the family now. I just need to talk to him about it is all.