Why was my old friend being BFF so distant and cold with me?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday my best friend (let’s call her Kristina) and I met up with with our old friend since middle school. Let’s call her (Sammie). We haven’t seen her since she moved away after sophomore year. So when we met up to have lunch and hang out, Sammie was telling us about how her life as been and working, but she was mostly looking at Kristina and not me. When I talk, she doesn’t even look at me but when Kristina spoke, she looked interested and listened to her. Wow that was rude. When Kristina went to the restroom, Sammie just started looking at her phone. I asked her a question but she just ignored me. I was like, “Hey I’m talking to you. Why have you been ignoring me.” Then when we left, Sammie hugged Kris and when I went to hug her, she pulled back and said, “Don’t hug me. I don’t wanna associate with you. She looked down and looked like she’s telling me to go. I was hurt but left. I told Kris about it and she noticed that too and told me we’ll have to talk to her about that.
Sammie used to love talking to me and hang but now, she’s salty and bitter towards me. What the hell?

Updates

1 y

I asked Sammie if I did any anything but she ignored my question.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's so rude of Sammie! Who does she think she is ignoring you and being nasty? Like what's her problem?

A few thoughts on why Sammie was being a jerk:

- Could be jealous of your friendship with Kristina and feeling left out. Maybe she resents you being close.

- Might have heard some gossip or rumors about you that weren't true and now believes them without even talking to you.

- Could be going through something personal in her life and taking it out on you unfairly. People do dumb stuff when they're moody.

- Possibly has a crush on Kristina and is threatened by you being there too, weird as that sounds.

I say don't waste your time worrying about her drama. You and Kristina go have fun without her judgy attitude bringing you down. And if she ever wants to act like a friend again, she can apologize and explain herself. You didn't do anything wrong!

Some "friends" come and go, but you've got your BFF Kristina by your side no matter what. Sammie's loss if she wants to be a hater. You deserve people who appreciate you!

[melnc]

Since you haven't done anything wrong, you don't have to accept her behavior at all or justify what happened by saying she was in a bad mood. We all go through a bad time, but that doesn't give us the right to treat others badly. The next time you meet, do the same and completely ignore her. Show her that you're here and don't care about talking to her. If she truly feels upset about something you did in the past, let her come and talk to you about it as adults, not acting like children in front of everyone. Ignore her entirely as if she doesn't exist.

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like she feels betrayed by something you did or didn't do.

It's also possible that it has nothing to do with you at all. Some people just take their personal bullshit out on others.

[Asker]

I didn’t do anything but I asked her if I did something to upset her and if I did I’m so sorry but she ignored me.

[ProbablyClueless]

People change over time. Usually when stuff like this happens, some kind of damage from their personal life is getting taken out on you.

My biggest bully in k-12 was this girl who just took one look at me in kindergarten or whatever, decided that I was the enemy, and made it her mission in life to aggressively antagonize, make fun of, slander my name and generally make my life as unpleasant as possible at every opportunity. I generally avoided reacting as much as possible. It eventually got to the point where teachers and other students told her to chill out at the end of 11th grade.

I have never once gotten any kind of explanation for what brought that level of hostility out of her.

[ProbablyClueless]

I can only assume that that woman was taking out some kind of personal trauma on me. I guess I was a good person to do that to, because I basically didn't care and I found her behavior kind of funny.

People are weird 🤷‍♂️