Why is my friend acting different and distant lately?

[Anonymous]

My friend whos just a friend he’s been acting diffrent and distant lately. Like he talks to me less and less and says one worded stuff like he doesn’t wanna talk anymore he kinda gives off the vibe as if he’s annoyed of me or bored of me or something like that. What should I do? Should I just stop trying and not talk to him anymore unless he talks to me first? I don't know why the sudden change but I feel like I’m being a bother or annoying or something like that now

[MrOracle]

Either something unrelated to you, but significant, happened that is deeply affecting him, OR, he had feelings for you all along and has recently come to the conclusion that you aren't interested, and so he is pulling away.

Generally, single guys don't have female "friends" - they may appear to, but most of the time, he is attracted to her and is pretending to be friends while biding his time waiting until she either realizes he's a great guy that would make a great boyfriend OR is upset because of some other guy and seeks comfort from him that turns romantic (or at least sexual).

Neither happens very often, and eventually the guy comes to accept that it isn't going to, at which point, he is hurt and knows he was a fool and pulls away and often ends the relationship.

[Asker]

I mean if it’s the second part where he does have feelings for me all he gotta do is tell me because tbh I kinda do like him too but the vibes he gives is like he’s not interested since he calls me fam and stuff all the time and talks about wanting to be with lots of girls... etc so I don't know if that would be it unless he got bored of me now

[Balcetus]

OK FIRST OF ALL CALM DOWN. Ok now, I don't know you two at all so it's hard to say here. But there's many possible reasons for this. Maybe he's having a really tough time and life's at its worst for him and he just wants to be alone, ask his friends if he's acting the same towards them, if yes then it's just you, if no, then don't worry he'll come back after he's solved his problems and dealt with them. Try to talk to him about his favorite subject, something he adores and can't live without, if he responds the same way then just stop talking to him, you'll be better off without him, and way happier without so much worry on your mind.

[Asker]

Ur right and honestly I’m goin through a really rough time in life right now and I considered him a close friend so when I talk to people about other stuff to distance me from how horrible my life is it makes me feel better but I feel like when I need people nobody’s there

[Balcetus]

Hey don't worry I've been there, I've been through some of the worst unimaginable things in my life, and that taught me that everything is temporary. All sorts of pain is temporary, do not let the pain damage you more, except let it plow you forward, those who suffer the most are the strongest. You "feel" like when you need people nobody's there, you have to change your mindset and realize people all around you are there for you, you just don't realize it. I hope all goes well between you two and everyone's good and jolly. Also I know this might sound a bit cliché but we're both anonymous and if you ever want to talk or rant I'm here whenever.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

Don't ignore him. Reach out a hand of friendship to him by asking him if he's okay, because you've noticed he's not himself lately. Let him know you're there to listen if he needs to talk about anything.

He may have problems in his life that you're unaware of

When people become distant and quiet , there's always an underlying reason why. But that doesn't necessarily mean you're the reason or cause for their change in behaviour. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you personally or with your friendship. So I wouldn't turn your back on him based on an assumption

[Asker]

Your right I deff don’t wanna ignore him I honeslty consider him a best friend I just said because I thought maybe he found me annoying or a bother

[Anome]

Did you have a quarrel earlier?
Were you single when you befriended and now you have a boyfriend or a crush and he is aware of it? Did he experience something negative lately? How long you guys have been friends? Are you always talking about yourself without ever stop to think whats going on in his life?

[Asker]

We’ve been friends for 9 months I consider him a best friend we talk all day everyday well till now and chill almost everyday at first we started off like casual and stuff and that turned into a friendship and now we’re close friends. My life recently became really really rough and so maybe I haven’t been the best friend and only talk about myself I want to ask him what’s goin on in his life too but he doesn’t wanna be open with that it seems

[Asker]

He even like 2 weeks ago told me that he never saves people’s number and that my number and only a few other people in his life are the numbers he saved and now he’s acting like this I mean I hope everything is going with him but I don't know how to ask

[Anome]

Invite him for a walk. And honestly apologize for not being a better friend. Whatever is or was going on in your life is not an excuse to stop caring for others.

[Anome]

Also he may be into you. If you are into him, tell him. Worst thing that can happen is you guys dont hang out for some time.

[Asker]

I mean I can’t lie I am kinda into him but I’m scared to tell him because if he’s not into me i don’t wanna loose him as a friend by making it awkward although yestedsy we chilled and I wanted to ask him something so before we chilled I texted him asking if I can ask him something in person and when we met before he even said hi was “what was the thing that you wanted to ask me” and when I said what it was he was like “oh” as if he was expecting soemething else

[Anome]

Seriously , some interpunctions would be great.
So you haven't told him?

[Asker]

No I haven’t told him

[Anome]

You have to decide at some point. :)

[MusicMayhem]

When he met you he wanted to date or fuck you but he's been too pussy to make a move and so faded into the friendzone. You probably irked him by referring to him as a friend. Maybe you also consume too much of his time by texting and talking that he wants to spend on a girl who he could actually date and fuck.

[Asker]

I mean when we did first meet it started of casual and we did hookup just once but that turned into us being close friends and we’ve been proper friends for 8 months now I mean if he did wanna date or whatever all he gotta do is ask because I’d say Yeah. Yeah ur right maybe I do talk to him too much and he doesn’t like that anymore I’ll stop msging him till he msgs first for a while

[MusicMayhem]

And who decided you became just friends?

[Asker]

Nobody decided that we didn’t say anything but we haven’t done anything since then and it’s been a really long time now when we chill we just normally chill like friends would

[MusicMayhem]

Sounds like he felt he was putting in all the effort and hoped you'd suggest something then

[Asker]

I mean How can I suggest something? I don’t want to make it awkward if that’s not what he wants

[MusicMayhem]

Do you think guys who approach girls know that the girl will like him? No, of course not. But being confident and taking action is attractive. Stop trying to look at the worst car scenario and ask yourself how can I make this happen?
Just go talk to him get him laughing and when he's enjoying your company ask to hang out.

[Shreyash108]

May be , if he is someone you would really like to have as a friend... you should ask him..

Tell him that you are noticing a change from his side , and that if he is hiding something from you that he shouldn't?

If he hasn't already gotten too mad at you , may be he will answer it.

[Asker]

He’s 100% not mad at me but I deff noticed a change

[Shreyash108]

Oh.. If he is not mad at you.
Then it definitely could be something that he is blaming himself for. But anyway... If you already have had a good with him until now , it's worth being honest and asking him directly!

It does take a little courage to be out front, but it really clears it all.

Hope you get it sorted with him.
Have a nice nice day!

[Anonymous]

3 possible reasons.

1: he’s lost interest in you (you’re boring now) this is the least likely thing.

2:he has feelings for you and realised nothings going to happen so why stay friend and get his feelings hurt?

3:he’s picked up on you having feelings for him, but doesn’t like you that way and is now distancing himself from you because he feels awkward and doesn’t want to lead you on?

In all 3 cases other people tend to be involved be spreading lies and shit stirring it.

[Asker]

It’s either 1 or 3 but with number 1 how can I make him not loose interest maybe it’s because we talk too much and chill everyday so he got bored and now we have nothing to talk about so maybe some space will help? And for number 3 I mean I don’t know why he would think I like him I literally try and set him up with lots of girls and my friends and shii I don’t feel like I did anythin to make him that. Me and him don’t have any mutual friends by the way iso there’s no spreading lies or anythin

[PrincessGrail]

Maybe he's losing interest in the friendship. Or maybe he likes you as more than a friend and is frustrated that you don't feel the same way.

[Asker]

If he’s loosing interest in the friendship how can I stop that from happening

[PrincessGrail]

No clue. Did anything bad happen between you two?

[Asker]

No I don’t think anything bad happened

[sasukeuchiha7]

With the info you have fiven I can see three possibilities.
1. He's upset because of something you did or said.
2. He probably is dating a girl and she feels threatened by your presence. So she told him to stop talking to you.
3. He has developed feelings for you so I being distant so that he doesn't act on those feelings.

[CoffeeWC]

Probably something serious happened. Just let him know that you're there if you need him and give him some space. It's likely has nothing to do with you.

[Michalhq]

Guys does not like to share so carefully you need to talk to him. After all problem might not even be between two of you.

[SongBird3]

Just confront him about it and ask him to tell you what’s up. Maybe it’s something you can fix

[aquíestoy]

You should give him space and don’t start conversation personally for some time. Maybe he isnundergoing some changes in life

[_yagurrll]

Maybe he is going through a tough time in his life. Did the two of y’all have a fight recently? Sometimes people act distant when they are going through something personal.

[Bismarck_96]

Probably he’s jealous probably anger building up in the head if you’re with someone if not then I don't know

[Anonymous]

Just leave him be. He could be going through something no one knows about.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you can be oblivious to what is bothering someone

[Asker]

In this case I really don’t know what it is we didn’t get into a fight or anything unless he’s bored of me

[DDpsy]

Because "just friends" with a women is generally not a very valuable type of relationship for a guy. In fact they are quite wasteful.

[Asker]

What why is it wasteful? What’s wrong with having a female friend and what’s the difference between having a male friend a female friend especially if the girl pretty much acts like one of the guys and stuff and likes the same things... etc

[DDpsy]

-She will like to talk or text way more than most guys. To much constant upkeep for a friendship

-You will have to be carefull when you talk to her no matter how "like one of the guys" she thinks she is.. because she isn't.

-She will not be the kind of support you need when you have problems.

-You can't really ask her to help you lift heavy stuff.

-If you can stand her presence you will probably want more in the end.

-She may start talking about other guys in which case she become disgustingly annoying.

-She may fill some needs that require a girlfriends and prevent you from actually moving on and finding one.

-She may get a boyfriend and then you have to interact with the douche. You are also going to be "that douche" that is buddy buddy with my girlfriend to him.

-you may get a girlfriend and it's definitely better to spend all your effort on her.

-She will instill some really stupid behaviors that make other chicks see you as a just friend type guy.

[Asker]

Whstttt naw what you said doesn’t apply to all girls at all like for me the stuff you listed none of them apply to me in fact I get along better with guy friends tbh because I have more fun with them and my personality is more like that to and I’m talking about actual friends

[Asker]

but why do u have to be careful to the way you talk to
Her what do you mean by that? Cause tbh when i do talk to my girl friends I got to be more careful of what I say so they don’t get offended but with my guy friends I can be blunt and straight forward and still make fun of each other/jokingly diss in fact all those reasons u listed and how none of them apply to me makes me now understand why I like hanging out and having guy friends more cause we’re alike

[brittslitt]

he's not interested nor wants to be bothered with u.

[Asker]

Why all of a sudden tho? We’ve been friends for 8 months so far I mean maybe some space will help?

[brittslitt]

He probably met someone else who sparked his interest, gave him a challenge , or your convos weren't interesting. Either way it doesn't matter you just have to move on

[tammm8622]

He probably is talking to someone he likes

[Asker]

Damn but why ignore ur friends then?

[tammm8622]

because I’m sure the girl he likes doesn’t want him talking to other girls

[Asker]

True but he told me he doesn’t date only causal just yestedsy he asked if I could set him up with my friend lol but one thing I learned about dating wise is never ignore ur friends for the person ur dating obvi pay more attention to the person ur dating but real friends won’t ignore you no matter what

[nithya11]

You better clear the fog

[Asker]

How can I do that? I know by asking but how can I word it

[nithya11]

Just say "Hey I noticed you're bit into yourself lately is everything ok?"

[Izumiblu]

Ask him why?

[Asker]

How can I word it tho

[Izumiblu]

You say what you said here. Just hey can we talk a minute, it seems like lately we haven’t been talking as much, sometimes it seems like you are distancing yourself and I’m concerned, have I done something to cause this or is there some thing else going on because I felt like we had a good relationship and I don’t want to see it slip away?

[Izumiblu]

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