Why is my ex acting so weird around me?

[Anonymous]

We broke up around 3 months ago mainly because she left for college and couldn't make time for me. I was upset but moved on. She started seeing another guy in her college and we had a few months NC before she contacted me with general (friendly) chit chat. We met up a few weeks ago at a mutual friends party and she was with her b/f. She was acting really weird around me often distant but then I would catch her looking over at me. I figured maybe she was uncomfortable because her boyfriend was their so gave them space. A few days later I had a text message from her (again idle chit chat) as if all of a sudden we are friends again! She is home for the holidays and I saw her last night in a bar where we all used to hang out.

She was without her boyfriend but was still acting weird like she is really uncomfortable around me. I don't get it. She acts normal when she texts but is like a different person face to face. If it's because she still has feelings for me then why break up with me in the first place? Or start seeing another guy for that matter! Our split was friendly and I am not doing anything to make her act so awkward around me but each time we see each other the tension feels as if its growing. What should I do? I still have feelings for her but she was the one who dumped me and found another guy so I don't feel like it should be me who should be doing the chasing!

[chris88]

You're handling the situation pretty good...for the most part. I mean, the obvious answer to your question about her acting weird, I mean, duh, yeah she's with her new boyfriend, so that's not a big mystery there. She isn't going to chat you up around him.

However, I appreciate how you're being an adult about it...not whining and trying to beg her back into your life. Actually, I'd say you need to lay it on a bit thicker with the distance and NC. If I were you, I'd say "you know, I respect you and I'm glad we can ended things on good terms, but I'd rather we didn't text each other and all that. You have a new boyfriend now, I'm moving onto different things, I'd appreciate some space." This will accomplish two things: it will cause her to back off and stop leaving you confused, and it will raise her interest level (maybe)in you back up.

It's very stupid girl thing to do to want to "have the cake and eat it too", but remember, being buddies with your ex doesn't work. That's for the cheesy hollywood rom-coms. don't buy it for a second that you can be her "friend." Friends can go out, grab something to eat, and talk about things like, new relationships. Is that you? Are you her buddy? Do you want to hear about how great her new boyfriend is ? Obviously not.Lose this chick as a "friend". Worst case, she stops being a nuisance in your life, best case (maybe also worst case) she freaks out because you push her away and runs back.

Remember, girls want what they can't have. Don't be a nancy...stop talking to your ex. good luck

[Asker]

I'm friendly when I see her but I haven't overly made any effort to become friends.

But we share a lot of mutual friends so it's difficult to ignore her completely. I do have feelings for her but I'm not sure I would act on them anymore. Not sure if I need all the drama. I guess I'm just trying to work out what she's thinking?

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

You shouldn't be doing the chasing. In fact, you shouldn't be with her ever again imo. She sounds immature and unsure as to what she wants. Don't bother, move on and find better. Even if you have feelings for her still, find someone else to give those feelings or redirect that energy to something else like work/school/hobby/whatever else you have.

[chris88]

good answer!