How can I stop being so trusting of everyone I love/care about?

[Anonymous]

I’m naturally a caring person. I don’t have bad intentions. If someone were to tell me their goals I won’t rain in their parade and I won’t try to make it competition and set my eye out to do what they told me they wanted to do before they do it. I most recently told my sister that I wanted to own a home by the time I was 35 years old, I’m 28 now. She never had an actual reaction to me saying that. Like, it was neither here or there. Fast foward to a few weeks later and she’s telling me she’s moving in with her friend in March and that she plans on getting a home. Mind you, she never mentioned wanting a home before I did. So I can see exactly what she’s attempting to do. She’s trying to beat me to the punch but I still wished her lucked when she told me. It’s just crazy to think my own sister doesn’t want to see me win before her or at all for that matter.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh that totally sucks about your sister, I can understand why that would hurt your trust. Family should always have your back, not be trying to one-up you! Here are some things that may help you protect your heart going forward:

- Remember that actions speak louder than words. Don't just take what people say at face value, watch how they treat you over time.

- Set clear boundaries and don't be afraid to speak up if you feel taken advantage of. You teach people how to treat you.

- Try not to spill all your dreams and plans to just anyone until you're further along. Only share with real supporters.

- Validate your own self-worth from within, not based on others' approval. You don't need anyone's permission to succeed!

- Give people chances but also keep them at arm's length until they've proven themselves trustworthy over the long run.

- Focus on your own goals and do you - the best revenge is living well and achieving what you set out to do in your own time.

You seem like a kind soul - don't lose that. But you can be caring without being naive either. Stand up for yourself when needed! You've got this girl.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who have 4 degrees, former veteran, and a good job. You would think she’s living a good life huh? She talked so negatively about me and to me. She was a Debbie downer. I mentioned positive things all the time such as I’m getting a promotion at work, or anything positive. I even sent her positive things and try to make sure she’s even okay mentally besides physically. She made it seem like she the person that knows it all and nobody could tell her otherwise. I’m adopted now but my birth mom abused the fuck out of me and my sister protected her. She ended up being just like my birth cult family. At the end of everything, she lost it all. Her home got foreclosure, car got repossessed, husband divorced her, and she staying with her friend. I came from ground 0 and went through rain, sleet, and hell to get where I’m at. I was without nothing and people completely used me. I was the first person they always called and had to endure such pain afterwards. I tried my best to show appreciation and it gets tossed in the trash.

moral of the story- keep your plans secret and move differently. Only tell after it happens

[Opinion Owner]

I was the same way as you and I had to stop putting out what I was never receiving back

[Asker]

It’s funny because your sister sounds a lot like mines. Although my sister never verbally or directly talked negative about me. Let my sister tell it, she knows everything, I know nothing, she always talks over me, she never listens to me, she always thinks she’s giving me a lesson when her lessons, a lot of the times, are wrong and I know it but like I said, in her mind I can never be smarter than her. She has a degree in psychology. She has a nice car and good credit. Our grandmother passed in 2018 but if you knew us and heard her talk about our grandmother and how her death affected her you would think she was only her grandmother. She says things like “You just don’t understand how when I lost her (Our grandmother) it took a big part of me.” “I’m still trying to figure life out after loosing her.” “I, I, I” as if she wasn’t my grandmother as well. As if I’m not still grieving and hurting from
loosing her as well. She’s two years younger and I’m not gonna let any negative energy or secret competition slow me down but I am learning to keep my visions and goals to myself. Everyone isn’t like me and that’s okay. That’s what I’m coming to realize.

[Opinion Owner]

Yesssss and that’s selfish of her to be putting herself on such a high pedestal! She needs to learn that life isn’t about competition! It’s about knowing there are other people in the world with different struggles, different needs, and different paths. She should try being more considerate of other people feelings.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You want to trust people less because you want to win a pissing contest with your sister? Dude, grow up

[Asker]

Huh? No I want to learn to not be so trusting because not everyone, even family, has your best interest at heart. I assumed I could trust family to not want to be in competition with me and that’s clearly not the case which is why I asked the question but no point in explaining because you saw the question and made it to be what you wanted it to be. You didn’t even answer the question which lets me know your intentions was never to actually comprehend, understand and then answer.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, I’m saying you shouldn’t care about this perceived “competition” because it’s not one. Maybe you just gave her the idea, if she’s really that smug and petty, so what? You’re better than that, congratulate her on getting financially ready to own a home, offer her help if she needs it because mortgages can be complicated. Instead of making it a competition and taking it personally, kill them with kindness and make it so there’s no point in competing.