How common is it for families to lie about family history/relationships?

[Anonymous]

Like your mom telling you that the reason you have 30 year old uncle and you’re 28 is because her mom (my grandmother) got pregnant when my mom was 18-19 years old. Or maybe they’ll tell you that you have all these cousins but what if a cousin is a sister or a brother? I’ve been watching a lot to life time movies and it has me wondering lol.

[WindAtMyBack]

This is a well known problem for people doing genealogy research. But in the west it's not nearly as common as it used to be.

In my age group and older, it was still somewhat common. If you go to one of the adoption forums, you will see a lot of women who had their illegitimate baby forcibly taken from them and put up for adoption. Many of those women have spent their entire life trying to find their baby. Occasionally they are successful. That has also changed, since open adoptions are more common, and the courts are more likely to open sealed records, especially for medical reasons.

But just because there is a big age difference between siblings or first cousins does not mean anything is being hidden. You have to be very careful drawing conclusions like that, or even suspicions without a better reason than age.

For example I'm only 68, yet I have a first cousin who fought in WW2. There is no reason at all for me to suspect he is not really a first cousin. Siblings with a 18-20 year age difference is not unusual at all. That was even more true in the past. I have known couples who had children over a 30 year span.

[Finchie40]

I don’t know about lying , but people do lie , so it would not surprise me , I did date a girl once that her Aunt was younger than her , because her grandparents ’ had a baby after she was born. So it happens

[SueShe]

This may have been the case in the earlier generations where extramarital relationships were frowned upon.

However, in today's society where everyone fornicates with everyone and where incest seems to be fashionable, I don't think it is so much a problem anymore.

I can imagine that those born in the 1950's-1970's may have occasionally encountered that kind of problem because it was shameful to be pregnant without being married.

Today's corrupt society has much less of a problem with that deviant behavior and if family members copulate with each other, it is not perceived as a perversion, although it still is.

[Asker]

True although the example I gave is real. I do really have an uncle who is only a few years older than me. We went to elementary school together. He also has a older niece (my aunts daughter) my cousin who was born before my grandmother got pregnant with him but like I said those life time movies had me thinking lol but I do believe that my uncle is my uncle and my cousins are my cousins but am aware that incest is becoming a more normal thing which is weird.

[SueShe]

There are a lot of hidden family secrets that parents/grandparents don't want to reveal either because they fear of what people will think of them or because of shame and possible rejection.

[Asker]

This is true but the only thing that makes me truly believe it and that they aren’t lying and keeping secrets is the fact my uncle knows who is dad is, he’s aware of his other brothers/siblings and my moms dad is his dads cousin 😭. So when I actually fill in the blanks, it makes sense. My grandmother was just living her life I suppose and this was the outcome lol.

[PeachyPie93]

I don't know how common it is but I have heard before people who's daughter had a kid young would say it is either the mothers kid or give the kid to an older sibling to raise. Since it was bad to have children young and unwed before. Like my mom had an aunt who was really her cousin lol.

[elizamichale1]

Well my family never tried to hide anything eventhough the business we have been doing for generations doesn't seem acceptable to all n people look down on it... but none of my family tried to hide it...

However for a long time they avoid talking about the times i was raped

[Anonymous]

My parents who are actually my grandparents lied about who my mother was so I grew up with a sister who is 14 years older than me. I met a boy a really liked that turned out to be my half brother and thd heartbreak of breaking up with him has devastated me.

[DizzyDesii]

Most will lie if someone in the family was molested or raped by another family member because they know how gossip gets around and they dont want the entire family looking bad. I’ve seen too many movies too lol

[DizzyDesii]

One of my exes sisters actually turned out to be his mother and it helped to explain why his mother (actually the grandmother) hated him and told him every day that he wasn't her son. There was no molestation but they didn't want anyone knowing the daughter got pregnant very young

[Lucy68]

My family functions around the holidays are entertaining for a reason, I am going to leave it at that, yeah

[LiamJHayden]

Not sure, but one of my employees found out her mom was really her biological aunt and her cousin was really her biological mom who had her at 15.

[TonyMetal___86]

There are people who lie about their lives and people who doesn't, so we can't say that everyone is the same!

[Anonymous]

Never heard of anything like that in my life or in movies. That’s so weird.

[Deserter2]

My aunt is like 2 years younger than me, would always tease me about it

[strateguy632]

That is rare and disgusting.

[Asker]

Rare yes. But what makes it disgusting?