Is it okay to lie about your number of past relationships?

[HawkPerception]

Yes

No

[Screenwriter]

The real point is, why does this person need to know about ALL your past relationships?

I think it's completely up to the person what they do or don't reveal.

A former spouse KEPT asking me about former relationships I'd had and I refused to tell him the lurid details he was requesting. It was creepy and none of his business. What I might mention is that one person liked to surf or was a swimmer, or liked driving a beat up old Jeep. But my sexual exploits or their prowess is an absolute boundary. No.

The number isn't important, nor sexual details. That is all kinds of wrong. Perhaps why there was a breakup in a long-term relationship, or a recent one. That's about it.

Anything else is none of their business.

[HawkPerception]

The reason to know about someone's past relationships is to know what kind of person your partner is. It's usually an indication of who they are currently.

Past is important. If it wasn't then, go ahead and date a cheater or murderer or rapist

[Screenwriter]

Not talking about cheaters, murderers or rapists. If you spend time with someone, you get to know them and who they are. There are very few murderers or rapists. I don't know stats on cheaters. That might be more common.

But therapists say a person usually reveals who they are between 6 and 18 months' time. If you're in it for the long haul, you will find out about someone with regular interaction.

Not saying that some facts about a person's past aren't important. Have you met their family? Have you met their friends? What do you think of them? Were they raised in a stable environment with good values?

But current behavior and actions toward you tell you most of what you need to know about a person.

[HawkPerception]

I'm using examples of why someone's past is important and it IS your partner's business to know.

If it's partners, then knowing aspects about how someone handled relationships in the past says a lot about their character.

[BlackRose97]

But would you want to get into a relationship with a guy that's never been able to keep a relationship lasting? Like if he's had dozens of short term relationships and no long term ones, wouldn't that give you pause? Like you'd be wasting your time and energy?

After marriage, the conversation is pointless though, so in your story, your husband was just being a weirdo in my opinion. No offense intended, but that would bother me personally. He should have asked in the beginning of the dating phase.

[Screenwriter]

@BlackRose97 It didn't come up or he was uncomfortable... Sure THOSE issues ARE important. If someone's had 20 girlfriends... over five years, that sounds screwy. But If you're long-term dating, those types of conversations will happen bit by bit.

Yeah, I dated Suzy for three months. No way that was going further. Rosa was six months... Then there was Lily. I was with her for nearly a year... Sure... If you get THIS kind of endless listing, ther person sounds like they have a problem. But have you ever run into this? Excessive serial daters?

The only problem with someone who never has a longtime relationship is it sounds like they're only looking for hookups, and there are people who do this. Again, in general, when someone becomes comfortable with you, they reveal their dating history. And yes, my ex was a weirdo on THAT point.

Creeped me out, and I refused to participate.

I understand that it matters to some degree. But only if there's some kind of weird pattern. Unless you're dating the unlikely sociopath, and that IS unlikely, most people who're out there have one of two goals. The easy one: quick sex until they're bored. The harder one and more normal one: seeking love and companionship. No. 2 takes time. No. 1 would be why someone is a serial dater.

[Screenwriter]

However, I think they're rare. Just keep eyes and ears open. Meet friends and relatives, and get good general histories: what they like and dislike, how they live. The pieces fall into place until you get a full picture. How many cars, jobs, dumped friends, apartments might be more revealing that only the relationship history. How close they are and how many long-term friends and family members.

My son still has friends from grammar school and he's nearly 30. I'm in contact with a few people from high school, but I'm twice his age. Have close family ties and friends from college.

That's a history of stability and good, long friendships. If you see this, it's a good sign. And that's no brag, just fact. Screwy people have screwy GENERAL lives. It's not ONE thing. It's a host of things.

[HawkPerception]

@Screenwriter If you're trying to bond with someone, then there should be no secrets. Why would you feel the need to hide your past if you've done nothing wrong. And if you have done something wrong, then there's something called accountability.

I do care about the number of relationships a girl has been in and how many people she's slept with, if she's cheated, how she acted in the past. We are a reflection of our actions. If our actions don't define who we are, then what does?

[Screenwriter]

And I am of a different camp. There's something called privacy. No person in my life needs to know everything about my past, nor do I need to know about theirs.

I've never done anything patently "wrong" in my relationships. Never cheated. Have been unwise. Been married once. My personality might be too strong.. Not a sex addict or sex perv. THOSE are essential issues and, I stand by my premise: Those issues will come up and are worth discussion.

EVERYTHING? No.

[BlackRose97]

Give your partner all of the information they feel they need and let them decide what they need to decide. But if you don't feel like something is their business, tell them that. And let them decide.

This is the equivalent of lying on a resume. If a guy told me he's had 50 short term jobs/gfs, I'm not hiring/dating him. That's just poor decision making for an adult.

[shades777]

I wouldn't put a big importance on it has it can sometimes have no bearings on the current relationship

[Dongie]

No! Lying is not an option. But none of your business is.

[jazzy34]

No. If I find out you lied, 😂 we’ll be over.

[Emmytexrex]

It's worst when she finds out

[michalpl00]

It’s never OK to lie