Long story, but my boyfriend isn't being honest about his past relationships. He won't fully admit to certain details. Such as how long he been with someone, what happen in the relationship or even how serious the relationship was. He downplays them; a lot. And at the end of the day, is it even my business? Is it wrong he won't go into detail about them?
If someone was pressing me for that information, I wouldn't disclose it, either.
First, the person isn't entitled to it.
Second, I don't like to be interrogated.
I'd also be suspicious about their motives. They want to judge me. Do they think purity and inexperience are virtuous? Do they have moral hang ups about sex? Are they jealous that I had a life before I met them?
I would be seriously concerned about their insecurity or the possibility that our attitudes toward relationships and sex may not be compatible.
I happily talk about things if we were having a fun conversation and sharing stories. But I would never reminisce about a former partner with a current partner. I don't have a right to talk about those ladies. Plus, I would NEVER talk about how much I loved a former girlfriend. Doing so would lead to no good. It would only cause problems.
No girlfriend ever asked me about my body count and I never asked them. And I absolutely didn't want to hear details about their previous partners. I didn't want to think about them getting fucked by other guys but, at the same time, I expected them to have had relationships. I admire their sexual liberation and engagement in life.
We all have memories. We can share anecdotes if we want to. But nobody has a right to access our memories as if they have access to the password to my phone.
I think honesty within reason, shows incredible integrity, and someone with good integrity is hard to find.
I admit everything I can remember.
I have a low body count because I have only had long-term relationships and I don't like one-night stands or casual relationships, I need to develop a connection, and I need to feel safe, so the likelihood that I would leave something out is slim as there isn't a tremendous amount to forget.
A lot of people see previous failed relationships or sexual encounters as an unattractive part of themselves and this will often dictate their decision making in relation to being forthcoming about such things, as they don't want to lower their value to a potential mate.
Just be aware though, that while honesty is really important and takes a lot of courage, a lot of people, especially males don't see high body counts as attractive and this does often make a female less valuable as a long-term partner.
I don t know man, if they're cc DC case was saa away less attractive than why guys want to sleep with a "hoe". I've heard plenty he of reference of guys making housewifes out of a hoe but never the opposite. Im also confused what the whole body count reference was for, she didn't say be was asking her about her past,
You entitled every bit feel that people are insecure about discussing the past, but I doubt real word feedback on that. As someone who also has long term relationships, three to be exact, understand choosing a connection be present, but by no means is it to feel safe. Nobody should have that power on you but you.
When people bring up the past it often will linger about, its why they say out the past behind you, the past isn't who that person is in the present. Its all to easy to talk sour about the past partner playing the blame game and looking resentful.
She is actually being the insecure one, this is about him being "dishonest" or else he would telling her stories about how prince charming he is and was perfect. This is about her being upset because he wants to keep those parts of his life to himself and she its selfish thinking he has to just because thats what she wants... Boundaries, its hard to find some that respect them, which shows honesty, respect and emotional intelligence...
Personally I don’t dig around in my bf’s past, and he doesn’t dig around in mine, because we choose to focus most on who we have grown to be now and what we want to be in the future. Of course if something about an ex comes out naturally then I don’t mind hearing about it and vice versa, since the information is being offered on our own accord. With your boyfriend, I’m not sure how those conversations about the past are coming up but my guess is that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing certain things, and you shouldn’t interrogate or prod him into forking over information. Is it your business? I believe it only is if it is relevant now, whether it’s sexual health or affecting you directly. But if not, then I’d say to just drop it.
It's usually flag in my book. Either he's deeply ashamed because he knows he didn't treat his ex (es) right or he saw his part partners as disposable, not worthy of personalizing in conversation. A last thought could also be that he has no interest in his past, simply because he has no desire to talk about yours (a woman's past).
Of course there are exceptions, but I don't think most people shy away from talking about their 'first love' or 'most badass catch' or 'most psycho ex' lol. An ex is an ex, just like past jobs were past jobs. It was glittery at first, and then sucked enough you left/were dumped. Life moves on. Its weird for someone to deliberately hide that part of themselves I guess.
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None of your business unless he beat her up or something. Then you want to know.
u If he wants to talk about them, he doesn't need to be interrogated. If he doesn't want to talk about them, he shouldn't be interrogated.
No. It's NOT wrong. He's giving you the information he is comfortable with giving you.
And the bottom line is, HE IS WITH YOU, not with his past relationships. Maybe they ended painfully. Maybe they aren't worth mentioning. Maybe he's simply a very private person and doesn't want to discuss them.
Talk about something else. It appears those relationships are off-limits as topics of conversations. This isn't being dishonest. It CHOOSING to not go into detail. Enjoy YOUR time with him and get on with your lives together!
But see men, don't think like women. We don't run around gossiping all the details of our relationships or other people's relationships. He knows: 1.) Anything he tells you you're likely to blather to others, 2.) Anything he tells you CAN & WILL be used against him in a future argument, 3.) You claim you just want fairness but he knows you're not telling every detail of your past relations.
Beyond that, it's my policy not to talk about exes in a negative way. And talking about them in a positive way would be disrespectful to whoever I'm with. So really there's nothing to talk about. I think I mentioned an exe's name once because it was similar to some other person's name that was mentioned. That's it.
Personally I was never really hung up about past relationships since they are in the past. I'm assuming that's why he has no interest to speak on them cause he's not looking at the past anymore, he's looking at the present/future. Sometimes looking in the past can bring unsureness and jealousy, you might start to compare your relationship with his past ones and feel like your not enough. But I understand your curiosity. I will say this, as long as he's treating you right and being respectful to you, not emotionally or physically abusing you, then you really have nothing to fear. The only time you should look at the past is when it's blocking you from moving forward.
My guess is that he can see how much talking about his past is triggering your anxiety and hurting you and doing that is making him extremely uncomfortable.
At a emotional level he is being punished for having a past that he can't do anything about anymore and for talking about it.
So of course he don't want to do so.
As for what you have a right to...
No, you don't have a right to interrogate him about his past.
However you can tell him about how *you* feel, about your an anxieties about not being good enough for him (you are, even if you don't think that you are), your fears about being hurt, etc.
Your worries about perhaps not knowing him as well as you think that you do.
And that while his past is *his* and not yours you'd appreciate it if he'd share it with you as it would help you feel like you know him better and that you can predict your future with him more accurately.
Or something along those lines...
I think it depends on what it is that he doesn't want to talk about. Some of it might be embarrassing to him or hurtful.
On the other hand, there are other things that really do need to be divulged. Such as if he has a child from a previous relationship. Or it he'd been divorced in the past I think that is certainly something that needs to be talked about because it can have some repercussions, etc.
I know a lady who was married to a guy for something like ten years, before she found out he had a child from a previous relationship. That was way odd. They even had like a couple of kids before she found out.
Past sexual history is in the past. Leave it. All that matters is what happens between my girlfriend and me from the start of a relationship going forward. For guys craziest enough to get married, you should know about 1. arrests 2. psychiatric admissions 3. what prescription medications she takes 4. credit score 5. assets, liabilities 6. income 7. religious preferences 8. sexual expectations in marriage ; do you have the same desire 8. currently positive for HIV, HSV (herpes simplex virus) or Hep B (hepatitis B; found in 70% of Asian women). HIV is treatable and should not change your life expectancy. HSV is preventable for outbreak but not curable. Hep B can be treated but not cured. If she has it, better to learn before you have sex so you can get vaccinated. FYI Hep B is not an STD in Asian women. It is from their mother during birth. If she has HIV, you start on PreP. if she has HSV , she starts daily Valtrex. Women can be walking death traps.
to the initial question. no. that goes to trust and counts as breaking said trust.
as to your sitiation you put out there. though i can see where you feel that way, he actually is not being dishonest, he is just keeping some things private. think about it like this, if you and he broke up, would you want all the details of private thinfs between you and him made public? as for how long he was in which ever past relationship, though not sharing that part can indicate some negative relationship trait/s, it could also tie into the above privacy.
I don't ask. I figure she'll talk about what she wants to as things come up. We learn from stuff that we've done so I wouldn't necessarily assume she'd do the same things in the same situations... I always TRY to live in the now and deal with what's happening now... that can be complicated enough as is...
If he still talks to theses exes absolutely a problem. If he has no kids with them or financial ties just leave him be. It isn't important. There are people from my past I wouldn't want to talk about because they are a) irrelevant b) possibly a source of shame c) I am not in contact with them at all anymore.
i can relate my boyfriend he is like this . He hates talking about the past and he barely talks about his ex and he is being shady about details. He says he doesn't wanna mention the past cuz the present and the future with me matters a lot than something that has gone away
Here's the thing about that when you ask your other half your partner to tell you about their past and they do and then one day there's an argument that's held against them so there's no winning at all it's better just to leave it alone then bring it up because nobody can change it so it's not that big of a deal don't ask about it if you can't deal with it and just drop it right after you hear about it there's no reason to ever bring it up again
There's a difference between lying and not revealing certain details. They're not the same at all. He's just not comfortable with information on the past and that is valid. Whenever I am in a relationship I only give relevant information. There's no reason to go into details.
The truth is it's none of your business, and neither are your past relationships any of his business. My Mother and Father were married for 20 years before he ever told her that he was previously engaged to another woman a few years before he started dating her.
People should get blood tested, and if they are disease free do whatever you want together. Nobody has any business holding past failed relationships over someone's head for their entire life.
Well it shouldn't really matter bc he's with u now, but the one thing that is irritating is how some old things like to creep back. If he doesn't explain that shit, I'd wonder why. For example, a week ago, my husband kept getting a text and usually he'll have me text the person or he'll call them bc he's not a big texter, but this time he didn't. It was his ex girlfriend from like 12 years ago! Just watch out for stuff like that.
no I'm not.
it's ok to leave some details out, but you should know. probably get more information from your girlfriends. people with secrets are... hiding something! that said, have to understand his view and what he's afraid of... what's.
good luck...
There's no point in being with someone who's not comfortable with their past. This just shows they aren't proud of who they were, yet aren't really ready to change. Relationships are built on trust, and if they can't trust me enough to at least tell me about themselves I don't see a point in the relationship.
Go ahead and base your relationships on lies, see how that works out. Unlike you, I have nothing to hide.
Where did I say to lie? Some things are none of your business. Spend your time telling women to stop lying about their weight, using makeup to create a fake face, wearing fake hair, lying about their body count & so on. I don't think a person should ever lie for selfish reasons but the reality is that most women do it every day just by breathing.
Lying by omission is still lying and bitching about the other side doing the same will not make your use of their tactics valid.
Go ahead and have your relationships based around the 'shove it up your ass' model, I prefer honesty.
Maybe stop asking. The more you push someone the more defensive they get. Pull back and he might offer up such details when he heals.
To be very honest he has never asked about my past although some of it I have voluntarily offered when discussing different things and I have never asked him about his past and I am just fine with it staying that way.
No it's important... It gives you an idea on what they're like as a person and what to expect from them... Plus if you compare yourself to their ex partners you can also have an idea what they want from you and if the relationship is genuine or not... Long story short... History is important..
You compare yourself to your partners ex’s? That’s odd, she doesn’t need another him she needs you…. I think you meant to say see what he did wrong and adjust or move accordingly, either way you shouldn’t compare that’s a feminine trait
@young_OG96 what I meant by that was to see if she' been with wack jobs or abusive types... Was it long or she's just into flings... Yeah I may have put it wrong
Lots of talk about the past being the past and how it's none of your business. But people forget that relationships are supposed to be about trust and transparency. This society has been brain washed into favoring lies and half truth over trust and full truth. People are afraid of hearing the truth, afraid of knowing the truth and they would rather commit to a lie for several years, than know the truth for 5 minutes.
Huge red flag. No reason to lie about it. And yes it is your business. Isn't it your business if he has a criminal record? A persons entire past is under the microscope when someone is deciding to be with you romantically. Thats just how it is.
yes, since people have their reasons and you are to respect that.
I am the same way as your boyfriend. The past is in the past and I'd prefer to leave it that way and focus on the present and my current partner. That's all.
Absolutely not, id rather her say she doesn't want to discuss it then lie because lying breaks a trust that is a lot harder to get back and if they will lie about anything then they will lie about anything.
Maybe he doesn't wants to remember the past as it was hurtful, no red flags here. You're safe.
Whatever is in the past leave it in the past he's with you now and both of you should focus on your present relationship and not in what happened with his exes. That should not matter.
Ig what's he's hiding is very bad then yes if not I dint care y do I need to know about who he dated.
well, he has the right to share or not to share that info. nothing you can do about it. it's not like he's completely hiding it. he probably just wants to leave it in the past and forget about it, so don't push him.
I feel the less you know the better for your relationship… be thankful for his past because thanks to it he is the person you love today…
No, l am not okay with my partner ‘’not being honest’’ in any topic. If there is no trust in relationship, i will not be there either.
MY husbands past and MY past is none of the others business. We dont talk about it.
No. Do not ever fucking lie to me. I do care if you want to keep it to yourself, but do not ever lie about it.
Certain details aren't your business. I'm okay with my partner not being totally transparent about her past to a certain extent.
If it’s in the past, leave it there! There’s no reason to taint the present situation. Criminal activity you pay for a search, provided you want to deal with the fallout!
Nope. When she lies to me once she might as well lie to me everytime she opens her mouth. Because trust is lost easily with me. And when she lies to me. I just assume she's lying to me from then on.
Noope I don't like that, if he is already lying with this, who knows what else he is lying about smh
Nope. If he's so embarrassed that he feels the need to lie then he needs to get gone.
If they lie to you about previous relationships they’ll lie to you about other shit that actually matters
Not really my business until they want to make it that way.
He may very well consider your probing questions as being overly nosy.
Tread lightly.
No. Honesty is very important for a relationship to be successful and last long term.
Not sharing and not being honest are two different things here...
He's not being honest. I will ask about certain details and he will lie about them.
I prefer not to know. The older you get the more partners they'll have and nothing good is going to come out of the info.
Why are you bringing up the past? That's very immature of you and none of your business to dig up.
No it’s not your business. You sound like you’d be a lot of drama.
Mine is too honest some things i wish i didn't know🤢🤮
Hell no be honest about that with someone your close to know matter what.. JMO
I FEEL LOST AND DEPRESSED ABOUT MY PARTNER FORSAKING ME WHEN I NEEDED HIM MOST.
To me not knowing is much worse then knowing..
It is none of your business. And your boyfriend is probably being defensive, because you poke around in things that should not affect you at all - but, since you are poking, there is a chance it will and cause issues.
You don't think it is weird that someone is lying about their past?
It's weird that you are asking about it.
Not really. I have been with someone over a year. Why would you lie about your past?
Why do you need to know anything about it? That's the real question.
That is my boyfriend, I should have free range to ask anything I want about him. You are so pressed about me wanting to know details about my own boyfriend, lol.
Nono, I don't give a fuck. M questions' purpose is to make you reflect on yourself.
You have free range to *ask* anything, but you are not entitled to an answer.
Your BFs past is in the past and if he chooses so, he can reject your inquiries. Again, women who do this (dog around in the past and not getting the hint) are usually trouble in the long run.
So ask yourself, why do you have to know what you are prodding for?
At the end of the day, he is lying what the information that is being asked. That is the issue. He could simply tell me, ask me to leave it alone. I have a right to know about his past, as so he does with me. You are not understanding the question. you are simply pressed about me asking about information, which shouldn't be too hard to answer with honestly. Lord, my dude. You are not going to sit here and try to gaslight me like I am the issue.
No, you actually don't have a right to his past. And with ypu thinking it's a right, we are at the solution. He is lying because he wishes to avoid a confrontation and you aren't really taking no for an answer.
It is not gaslighting, I am telling you fair and square, you are the issue. I am also giving you the reason: contrary to what you think, you don't have any rights to information not pertaining your current relationship with him. Your behaviour here reinforces my hunch that he is trying to avoid a confrontation.
So why not drop it and focua on the present?
So, you are saying lying is okay when you don't want to answer something? Okay, good to know. There is other ways to go about that, than just lying about something. You don't know how often I have asked about something. In fact, I don't even ask, I let him tell on himself. You just assumed that I keep pushing about something, when I only asked who certain girl's were (when he brings them up himself) His information never matches up and his family let's things slide out too. There is no reason why any confrontation would happen if you were honest in the first place.
it depends.. if my boy friend is rich, I won't ask anything about past relationship but if he is not rich past matters. am I right?
I like to leave the past in the past.
Less history and more mystery
How about your focus on who he is now?
Not every detail should be shared
Thanks for like!
It's none of your business
Nah I hate liars
no bcs that is stupid
Nope. Deal breaker
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