Should a single mother with one child be excused of making "bad decisions" since it only happened once?

[Anonymous]

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

It's not the right question.

Remember, no one cares.

They might have empathy for you but that's it.

As a guy, I wouldn't date or be involved with a single mum ever again. I used to have a girlfriend in my 20s with a child, but never ends well, you grow fond and then lose 2 people, then I had my daughter with my ex whom has a son, I braught him up as my own and raised the two as brother and sister.

When we split up she took them both, it took me 3 years to get access to my daughter and I have no rights over my step son, so even though they now go to the same school, I only get to see and spend time with my daughter. And this was supported by the legal system lol.

The poor boy, I can't imagine the damage. But there's not a lot I can do, just do what's best for my daughter.

So I wouldn't recommend dating a girl with kids, as its empty time / poor investment. As the step father 1 you have no rights and 2 I don't think it's your place to do it, wheres the biological dad? Etc... And if the mother is bad mouthing him saying he left blah blah, it becomes a reflection on her.

The system won't support you as a step parent, and as soon as you break up with a woman, it's almost instinct that you become a threat, so she shuts the kids off.

You stand to lose far more than you gain as a step parent, that needs to be appreciated more.

[slippery2000]

Not for one second should you feel guilty for being human and acting out on normal human temptation and drives that all of us have experienced at one time or another. You are still deserving of understanding and affection, you deserve to feel validation for what you were thinking or going through at the time the decision was made and underlying issues or contributing factors that may have clouded your decision making at the time. Don't get down on yourself or feel ashamed and if someone else is making you feel this way and constantly reminds you of it as a means of trying to get under your skin or break you down in spirit, cut them loose from your life. You have an amazing gift from a one time poor decision but I have a feeling that you wouldn't want it any other way knowing the love you didn't know you were capable of feeling for that miracle.

[petitedollbabee]

Having a child and becoming a single mother does not make it a bad decision. People should really stop shaming women for being single moms. They don’t hold that same disrespect for single dads.


Nothing needs to be excused there.

[Apple1996]

Having kids is not a bad thing. People are so harsh now a days. My mom was a single mom to 5 kids. That didn't stop my dad from asking her out. She didn't make any bad decisions things just didn't work out in her previous relationships

[Ariesman81]

No. That bad decision is a lifetime responsibility. Like said by others... we can empathize with "Shit happens"... but the judgement remains the same.

Now, if the attitude surrounding the choices made were changed, then a conversation could take place.

[slatyb]

People have children and separate. That doesn't necessarily make either of them a bad person. If the father abandons his child and provides no support, I would consider that irresponsible.

[MK1997]

No excuse

[Asker]

Why is there no excuse?

[MK1997]

I don't understand, excused for what?

[Asker]

People judge single mothers and say they make bad decisions. If a single mother has one kid that isn't a bad decision but more of a failed relationship

[MK1997]

Who cares what they think, they are not important

[In_Trance]

nope