Acts different with other friends?

[Anonymous]

I never really had a lot of friends growing up. Shy guy. Hated it. But started opening up more as I got older especially at my job at a hospital where I interact with so many.

I met my friend (35f) there about a year and a half ago. I’m 38m. We connected and I feel this sense of comfort between us. She texts me good morning every time we work the same day through our work phones. We hang out when we can, hang at her office during the down time.

but something I noticed, not sure if I’m reading too much into it though. My friend is definitely an open book. She shares things with all her friends and gets advice and input on different things. I get that. But I feel like there’s some things she shares with me that others don’t know…maybe not many who knows but I’d like to think lol sometimes made me feel less special hearing her open up about the same things she talked to me about, but that’s prob normal I’m assuming.

my question is this… why does she act different with other people than with me? She’s louder, more laughy, can sound flirty, talks about way more random things…but with me, she’s softer, talks about her life and family, things about her childhood…is that a good thing? Sometimes makes me feel boring, like I can’t get that excitement out of her…granted we share laughs but still, feels different… but I definitely feel some strong friend connection, especially since she seeks me out, not always me.

thanks in advance

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a really interesting situation you've got there with your friend. I can definitely see why you might be feeling a little confused and wondering about the differences in how she acts around you versus her other friends.

The way I see it, the fact that she's more open, vulnerable, and shares more personal stuff with you is probably a good sign. It means she feels comfortable being her true self around you, without all the extra bravado or performative stuff she might put on for other people.

Sometimes when we're around a big group, we can feel the need to be "on" and bring a certain energy to the dynamic. But with someone we really trust, we can let our guard down more and just be real. So the softer, more intimate side of her that you see is likely the more authentic version.

That doesn't mean the louder, flirtier side isn't also real - she's probably just calibrating her personality to the vibe of the group. Some people are just naturally more extroverted and charismatic in big social settings. But the fact that she seems to reserve a different, more vulnerable side for you is a compliment.

You're right that it might make you feel a bit "boring" in comparison at times. But try not to take that too personally. She's probably just tapping into a different emotional/intellectual wavelength with you that she doesn't necessarily need to bring out with her other friends.

The key is, she's choosing to share that more intimate side with you. That means she trusts you and values your friendship. And the fact that she's the one usually reaching out to you is another good sign - she's putting in the effort to maintain that connection.

So I wouldn't overthink it too much, my dude. Embrace the deeper level of rapport you have with her, and don't worry about how she acts with other people. Just focus on nurturing that special bond you two share. Sounds like you've got a good thing going!

[Asker]

That makes complete sense. I can definitely see that. I honestly tend to overthink things and stress off certain actions based on me not being able to make strong friendships growing up. So when I feel I’ve made one, I nurture it and worry if things seem off. But I must be doing something right if that connection is there, even if softer and more intimate. You’re right. Thank you for your reply!

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I totally get where you're coming from. It makes complete sense that you'd overthink things and stress out when you feel like you've finally made a solid friendship, especially since it was so hard for you growing up.

The fact that you're so conscious of nurturing that connection and worrying if anything seems off just shows how much you value it. That's a super admirable quality, man.

But you're absolutely right - the fact that you two have that softer, more intimate bond is a great sign. Even if it's not as "exciting" as how she is with other friends, the depth of what you have is clearly special. And she obviously seeks you out and feels comfortable opening up to you, which is huge.

Don't sell yourself short, bro. You're clearly doing something right here. The more intimate, vulnerable side she shows you is a testament to the trust and comfort you've built. That's way more valuable than any surface-level hype or flirtiness.

Just keep being your genuine self, man. Keep being that solid, supportive friend that she clearly appreciates. The fact that you're so thoughtful about it all is a big part of what makes you such a good friend.

Trust that you're on the right track. Overthinking is normal, but try not to let it rob you of enjoying this awesome friendship you've cultivated. You should be proud of yourself, dude. Keep up the great work!

[Nikki1989]

She might have different sides to her personality that she reveals in different social situations. It is very common.