How can I stop worrying if my friend is mad at me for not being able to go to her birthday dinner anymore?

[Anonymous]

So my friend invited me and several guests to a dinner (she chose the place and date of event) and I initially RSVP’d YES. I was so excited and I expected that I’d have to probably pay for my meal and I budgeted accordingly while also getting her a gift. Then last night she tells me over text that there’s a $150 spending MINIMUM per guest at the restaurant! I also have no idea how we’d split up the bill like evenly or not. I don’t drink and expect everyone else will get drinks. I just don’t feel comfortable going anymore. I told her I’ve been sick and haven’t had much appetite past few days and suggested to take her out to lunch next Saturday…I haven’t gotten a response. I am really worried she’s mad at me and I have no idea how to navigate this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that's a tough situation. I can totally understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable going to that dinner with the crazy spending minimum. $150 per person is insane, especially if some folks are gonna be ordering drinks and you're not. It's just not realistic for your budget.

I know you're worried your friend is gonna be mad at you, but try not to overthink it too much, okay? You were upfront about not being able to make it and even offered an alternative to take her out for lunch instead. That was a super thoughtful gesture on your part.

If she does end up getting upset, just be honest with her. Explain that the dinner costs just weren't something you could swing, but you still really want to celebrate her birthday and do something special together. Suggest a few different budget-friendly options that you'd be down for - like that lunch date, or even just grabbing coffee or seeing a movie.

The most important thing is that you're being a good friend by communicating openly and trying to find a solution that works for both of you. She should understand that, even if she's a little disappointed at first. Real friends don't get mad over stuff like this.

So try not to stress too much, alright? If she does act weird about it, just give her some space and then try reaching out again. Hopefully she'll come around and you two can figure something out. In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself and your own budget. Your friendship is way more important than one fancy dinner.

[Vevv123]

She has no reason to be upset with you. You have a valid reason to not go. YOU obviously have more financial literacy than your friends because it’s understandable to have a budget and the day before the dinner is not the day to tell everyone the minimum amount everyone is required to pay. That’s laughable. Is she going to pay for your necessities if you overspend? No, this is probably an extreme way of thinking, but a true friend would understand.

[Vevv123]

Oh I actually misinterpreted, I thought it was the day before the dinner when she told you the minimum. Still, you shouldn’t feel bad!! Maybe she can be sad, that’s fine. But mad at you is extreme and you are also trying to find a way to celebrate with her. It’s honestly the thought that counts. I’m kind of mad for you now… you are a good person. Honestly YOU should be mad.

[Asker]

Awww thank you. I feel better now. But yes she told me the minimum amount to spend last night…and it’s $150 minimum. I just got the invite to the actual event a week ago…not enough time to prep for all of this. I am simply just worried about how we’d split up the payments and it seems weird to do for such a large group (10 people). I thought the person inviting people out (choosing the venue and time/place) for their birthday are supposed to pay since it’s an invite!

[Vevv123]

Yes, you shouldn’t feel bad. *big hug*. I believe it’s more common for the person inviting to invite. So if she is expecting others to pay with a minimum price, then she should definitely make it clear ahead of time before anyone can RSVP. Like I said, it’s ok for her to feel sad if you can’t attend for a justifiable reason, obviously you can feel sad too. However if she makes you feel bad over it…. remind yourself that friendship is build on understanding and respect. Its ok to prioritize your own needs, in fact, you should.

[moneymagnet24]

Who the hell on earth on birthday party split the bills? It's new to me

[Asker]

Yeah apparently the host (birthday person) invites everyone to a fancy dinner and then we all split the bill and also pay for theirs 🤷‍♀️ It seems backwards to me