Why do people do this?

[Anonymous]

Why do people who were a part of your old friends group try to speak to you. Knowing you fell out with everyone select few see you and saying hi and watsup. Are they just trying to be funny I don’t understand it if so it’s working. Especially situations were the person you fell out with is close to them. I accept I was wrong never apologized but I just removed myself from the equation. Knowing I’m not wanted around anymore I assume me removing myself silently not trying to talk will speak for me that I have learned my lesson.

[Oliverlogan263]

I feel you, bro. It's super annoying when people from your old friend group try to talk to you, especially when you're not on good terms with the rest of them. It's like they're almost trying to be funny or stir up drama, even though you've already removed yourself from the situation.

I think a lot of times, people do that kind of thing because they just feel awkward or uncomfortable. They know there's history and tension, but they don't know how to handle it, so they try to play it off like everything's cool. But really, it just comes across as fake and disingenuous.

The thing is, you've already taken the high road by removing yourself quietly instead of causing a big scene. That shows a lot of maturity on your part. And the fact that you're owning up to your past mistakes without even needing to apologize is really admirable.

Those other people probably just feel weird about the whole situation, so they try to act like nothing's wrong. But they're the ones who should be feeling awkward, not you. You've already demonstrated that you've learned from your mistakes and don't need their approval anymore.

My advice would be to just keep doing you, man. If those people want to try and chat, you can either shut it down politely or just ignore them. You don't owe them anything, especially if they're still cool with the people you had a falling out with. Just keep focusing on moving forward and surrounding yourself with people who actually value you.

Hang in there, bro. You're handling this way better than most people would. Keep your head up and keep grinding - the right people will come around eventually.

[Anonymous]

Dude, you ghosted the whole friend group without a word. Are each one of them expected to think you have an issue with them? Because if I were one of the friends who didn’t do anything wrong to you I would be confused as to why you aren’t speaking with me anymore and I wouldn’t know you have an issue with me saying hi. You do not communicate you just ran and think that everyone should be a mind reader to know what’s wrong with you. It’s ridiculous get out of your own head.

[Asker]

Honestly there other friends didn’t like me much so what’s the point I’m not wanted they usually hang with them the most so I really don’t care because as long as I have my people but I just understood that it was time to try and move on in life but it’s like why keep fighting a loosing battle not that it’s competition just I don’t fit in with most so I just separate myself from the equation no drama or hate arguing just silently fall back.

[Opinion Owner]

So because their other friends didn’t like you, you can’t be friends with them? There must be more history to the situation because that sounds really messed up. Like why do you need to hang out with those people who don’t like you? Just make plans with those friends who do separately. Then for you to ghost without saying a word to them and trying to justify it as to make yourself feel better, it’s disingenuous. If you are going to continue to ghost them then that’s your choice but you can’t say you don’t know why they’re trying to contact you. It’s because you’re supposed to be their friend and went awol without so much as a word. You won’t even tell them when they reach out to say hello that the friendship is over which is cowardly….

[Asker]

Honestly don’t care if other people like me only opinion matters is my people always been that way. But when they start to act differently towards me because of rumors or something I did whatever. I rather separate myself I think I’m doing them a favor didn’t like me anyway right so not cowardly. It’s not cowardly to read the room and understand when your not wanted those other friends talking about me. And you supposed to be a friend are not standing up for me is a problem. that wasn’t why i fell back but I’m sure behind the scenes they had something to say about it. Not saying it was the reason I messed it up myself but for the most part I apologize if I did something wrong. But I don’t know some people who I barely even knew existed were sending me friends request. I guess people feeling sorry for me but I don’t need it if you have something to say to me say it to me. Not send others to get information we were talking before so we shouldn’t have a problem talking now. But I guess I can chalk it up to I should have never met them in the first place and that’s the only thing I apologize for.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you even realize like, how much you are in your own head coming to these conclusions? I’m not saying your feelings aren’t warranted but you spend a lot of time guessing, assuming, and making sense of this all in your head without bothering to ask the people which this includes. Have you ever communicated any of this to your friends? Because it sounds like you did “what was right” and fell back rather than be like hey so and so, I thought this was pretty fcked up, and give them a chance to explain their side. At least that’s what you would’ve done if you were interested in salvaging the friendship, maybe you just don’t care to be their friend anymore overall. They may not even know you’re feeling this way.

[Asker]

Well am I in my own head when people who I haven’t seen since school people who laughed at me. And spreading rumors about me and past mistakes and ruining my future friendships with people.
I made mistakes I moved on but those people never liked me from the start so I really don’t understand what the problem was. I was not myself in school but mainly because I was always having a hard time bad haircut teacher says take off the hood and everybody laughs. Similar things like that and so one day someone calls me a fake person over facebook I was confused I genuinely didn’t want this. In my head I’m just finally free from people who hated me after I dropped out. years later I decided to go to job corps to move on and start again. Just like a state over so I guess people knew each other and friend tells me I heard things about you. So I’m just like who is it she didn’t say I will admit to the way I acted but that’s a different story for another day. So with that and me not knowing how to be friends with people not used to being accepted so I was little weird. I understood why people would call me fake but at the same time look at the situation I was a kid and not that it’s an excuse. But whatever happens between me and new people I meant I don’t blame that experience I blame myself. Whatever I went through before them has nothing to do with them it’s between us. If I messed up it’s on me even if the past made me react that way.

[Opinion Owner]

I appreciate you sharing your story but I missed the part where you answered my question : have you communicated any of this to your friends? You’ve got all these explanations in defense of your behavior and I’m not saying none of it is valid, but until you tell this to your friends they won’t know what the heck is going on. They have no idea you feel any of this unless you have explicitly stated as much. I know guys don’t really open up to each other but in this case you probably should’ve. Even those old friends who added you could be a coincidence but it’s like you’ve decided in your mind that it’s some sort of trick or something I don't know. That’s very conspiracy theorized.

[Asker]

I understand what you are saying 100% right even though they didn’t say anything about it I should have if it bothered me. No I didn’t I was embarrassed and why share something I’ve moved on from the past is nothing but obviously not in this situation. I understand you knew them before me and all and if it was a problem why not just say that or shut their conversation down. And it was a girl who told me about it I asked she said never mind but I know it’s true because she said it. That’s not why I cut it all off just how they acted towards me once I left that place a guy told me why. He says it’s because I got kicked out I guess focus on what I have to do is the message. But funny how I didn’t see them acting this way with anyone else no I wasn’t blowing up anyone’s phone. But it’s weird to me how you act as if you barely knew me but years later you are watching my instagram story. You are 100% right but I just thought at the time and i was probably right that at that point all hope is lost. Just sends me friend request but doesn’t say a word I’m sure if they had something to say to me why not just say that. I felt no need to bring it up because if it’s not a problem for them I don’t have to.