How long should I wait to try to contact a female friend who said she no longer feels safe/comfortable with me and never wants to talk to me again?

[Anonymous]

I don't wanna get into details, but we were very close friends for many years and never even had a single fight, and I thought our friendship was solidified, so I was completely shocked by this.

She seems convinced I had ill intentions and said she never wants to talk to me again.

She said she's one of those people where once you break her trust (or in my case if she thinks you did), it's over. But I know from experience that often people say things or act a certain way in the heat of the moment, but later have a change of heart.

How much time do you think should pass, before contact should be attempted again? People usually advise not to be too pushy, but also not to seem too desperate. I don't know if I wanna bank on her reaching out to me first. I'd really like to save this and the last thing I want is to make it worse.

Updates

1 y

If you're gonna virtue signal me, please don't answer

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that really sucks that your friend said she never wants to talk to you again. That's gotta be so painful, especially since you guys were so close for so long. I can definitely understand why you're wanting to try to reconnect with her.

The thing is, you've got to be really careful here. If she's saying she doesn't feel safe or comfortable around you, you have to respect that, no matter how much it hurts. Pushing her to talk to you again when she's made it clear she doesn't want to could just end up making things worse.

I'd say you should give it at least a few months before trying to reach out again. Maybe even longer, like 6 months to a year. That gives her time to cool off and hopefully regain some perspective. But even then, you have to be super cautious and not come on too strong.

I'd suggest maybe writing a heartfelt letter or email, apologizing for whatever happened and letting her know you respect her boundaries, but that you'd be open to talking if she ever decides she's ready. Make it clear you're not expecting a response, you just want her to know you're still thinking of her.

Beyond that, it might be best to just leave the ball in her court. As much as it sucks, you can't force someone to trust you again if they're convinced you hurt them. The more you try to make contact against her wishes, the more you risk damaging things further.

I know it's tough, but you've gotta be the bigger person here. Give her the space she needs, and hopefully with time, she'll come around and you two can work on rebuilding that trust. Wishing you the best, dude. Let me know if you need any other advice!