Have you ever felt uncomfortable around your parents in any way?

[Anonymous]

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, but like... when a sex-scene came on a movie we were watching together kinda thing.

I often tell people their question needs more details. This question needs more details very very badly!

This could mean a whole lot of different things. This could be something totally normal and mundane, or this could be some very concerning shit.

Can I ask you to please explain what you mean? What kind of situation are you talking about?

This question made me worry that this might be something serious. I don't know why. It just as easily could be mundane and regular. Please help ease my mind here. What's going on in this situation?

🙂

[Asker]

Hmm… maybe you’re right. Honestly, I didn’t think that deeply while asking—it’s just something I personally feel sometimes but haven’t fully processed. For example, with my grandparents, I sometimes feel this weird discomfort I can’t explain. Like once, my grandfather leaned in like he was about to kiss me on my lips, and I quickly moved away and avoided it. I didn’t let him do it, but that moment stuck with me. I don’t know what to make of it, to be honest. So maybe that’s where my question came from, just trying to understand my own feelings too.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well this is then the kind of uncomfortable I was worried it might be. But I don't know how much help I'm going to be. I don't know you or what your experiences might have been.

I don't want to start making you think something is wrong for no reason. It's just my reaction to the one example you gave (which actually is quite illustrative for a single example).

So when I first read about your grandfather kissing you on the lips, I recoiled myself out of instinct. Then I stopped and thought, wait a second, my dad's a grampa to my niece (who is 3). I don't think he kisses her on the lips. I know I certainly don't. And she's young enough that she genuinely has no conception that it's weird (like there have been times where she went to give me a kiss goodbye on the lips, and I've had to duck-and-wave to make it a kiss on the cheek)

I'm pretty sure only her mother does sometimes.

I would find it weird, and she's 3. I wonder how old you might have been during your experience?

It's not normal to feel a sexual-tinged kind of discomfort you're talking about with your family.

There is often some cause for that discomfort in terms of inapropriate intentions and often inapropriate behavior.

To put it plainly: You don't feel that way for no reason.

You may not know what those reasons are. You may have some other times like this kiss, that you can point to as reasons you feel uncomfortable. You may not.

But it's concerning to hear that you're feeling uncomfortable, in that way.

I can always lend an ear, if you want help processing what you're feelings. I do find it worrying, and would love to help if I can. Feel free to DM me if you prefer. Or continuing here is fine, if you find that easier.

[SteveSmith1985]

Is it inappropriate for a father to call his daughter “sexy” as a compliment? ↗

Your question immidiately made me think of this girl. I originally thought she was saying she felt how you did. Uncomfortable, but without being able to put her finger on why (I was wrong).

I am not saying there's anything there. I don't know why I'm sending you this link exactly. But here you go.

[Asker]

Hmm I really appreciate your response. It honestly means a lot that you took it seriously and didn’t just brush it off. 🥺

And yeah… now I’m 18, but this incident happened when I was around 16. It was subtle but made me feel this intense discomfort I couldn’t explain. That’s why it stuck in my mind. It’s not something I ever really talked about, not even with close people. I guess that’s why I worded my original question the way I did—just trying to make sense of that uneasiness that pops up sometimes.

I still don’t know what exactly it meant or if I’m overthinking it, but your message kinda helped me not feel crazy for even feeling this way. So thank you for that. And yeah, I might DM if I feel like opening up more… but for now, this was helpful in itself. 🤍..

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm so glad that you don't feel crazy for feeling the way you do. It's something that isn't normal, but it's a feeling nobody gets for no reason. It's your intuition telling you there's reason to feel discomfort (even if you're not sure why exactly).

I litereally gasped when I read that this incident happened when you were 16.

I was thinking maybe you were like 8 or 9 when it happened (which is still totally inappropriate).

At 16 years old, your grandfather trying to kiss you on the lips, is objectively inappropriate. There is nothing even close to ok about that. That's not 'borderline' inappropriate, it's extremely inappropriate.

It would have been really strange if you didn't have the exact reaction you had.

It's wrong for him to have tried to kiss you. He knows that. This wasn't an innocent mistake without intent.

I am not surprised that you've never really talked about this. This is extremely personal, and it's pertaining to your family. These things are often not talked about.

You are not over-thinking. You are under-thinking.

I would be quite happy to hear from you, if you feel like talking about things. Otherwise, don't dismiss your feelings, you're not overthinking, and I wish you all the best. 🙂

[darkwing91]

My step mom accidentally sent me a photo of herself in lingerie.

[Anonymous]

Yeah when I had to wheel my mother out of a bar because she couldn't walk. Took her and my dad home and watched her repeatedly fall over just trying to get inside then laugh at me and my dad watching her concerned. 🙃

[Asker]

That must’ve been really tough to witness, especially as her daughter. It’s so hard when you’re put in the position of being the strong one for your own parents. Sending you love—no one should have to go through that.

[Nikki1989]

That was my entire childhood.

Luckily, I never saw them much.

[Asker]

I’m really sorry you had to go through that… childhood should’ve felt safe, not distant or uncomfortable. I hope things are better for you now.

[Anonymous]

Not really, maybe when there is some uncomfortable scene in a movie or a tv show.

[wkhan_87]

Yes , I feel in so many ways

[Asker]

I get that... it’s hard when those feelings come from people who are supposed to make us feel safe. Hope you’ve been able to heal from at least some of it.

[Agape93]

yeap