How do you come out to your family?

Question

BobbieBoy666 · Accepted Answer

Coming out to family requires careful preparation and consideration. It's essential to choose the right timing, method, and message, and to have a support system in place. While there's no single "right" way, focusing on communication, empathy, and self-care can help navigate this important step.
Preparation and Planning:
Know Your Family:
Consider your family's individual personalities, beliefs, and potential reactions. Some family members might be more accepting than others.
Choose Your Method:
Decide whether to come out in person, through a letter, text, or another method. A face-to-face conversation can be more intimate, while a letter or text might allow for more time to process the information.
Find an Ally:
Having a trusted friend or family member to lean on during and after coming out can provide support and reassurance.
Practice:
Rehearse what you want to say to ensure you feel confident and comfortable expressing yourself.
Set Boundaries:
Decide how much information you want to share with your family and with whom.
Manage Expectations:
Be prepared for a range of reactions, from acceptance to initial shock or resistance.
Have an "After" Plan:
Consider what you want to do if the initial conversation is difficult or if you need to step away for a while.
Communication and Conversation:
Be Direct and Clear: Use simple language to clearly state your identity or orientation.
Be Prepared to Answer Questions: Anticipate questions about your experiences and feelings, and be honest and open within your comfort level.
Emphasize Your Well-Being: Share how coming out has positively impacted your life and how it's essential for you to be authentic.
Be Patient: Give your family time to process the information and adjust to the news.
Offer Resources: If you feel your family needs more information, offer to provide resources like PFLAG or other LGBTQ+ organizations.
Respect Their Feelings: Acknowledge that your family may have their own emotions and reactions, and be understanding.
Remember It's an Ongoing Process: Coming out is not a one-time event, but rather an ongoing process of sharing your truth with others.
Self-Care:
Prioritize Your Mental Health:
Coming out can be emotionally challenging, so take care of yourself and seek support if needed.
Build a Support System:
Connect with LGBTQ+ community groups or therapists who can provide guidance and understanding.
Forgive Yourself:
Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to process your feelings and reactions.
Focus on the Positive:
Remember that coming out can be a liberating experience, and it can help you live more authentically.
By preparing carefully, communicating clearly, and prioritizing your well-being, you can navigate the process of coming out to your family with grace and confidence.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I'm afraid I'm not going to have any advice based on experience. However, I think it's a matter of sitting them down, and telling them in a clear direct way. I feel like this might be one of those things that its very easy to overthink (and I can appreciate why that might be)

The only "wrong way" would be to do it in a way that was unclear; or to do it at a time when they are not ready for (potentially) big news.

So as long as you say something like "Can we make a time to all sit down one night this week? There is something important I'd like to talk to you about." (and pick a night as soon as possible. Your parents will for sure assume you're pregnant. They might be relieved to find out it's only coming out.)

It doesn't have to be complicated. It's a discussion, not a letter. You don't have to get it all out all in one speech. They will have things to say... which will prompt things you have to say, and so on (Its a conversation).

There is no reason you can't just say: "mom, dad, sibling (s): I'm gay" (or bi or whatever it is).

There isn't really a whole lot more to say... until you see what it is they have to say in response to "I'm gay."

So it's hard to prepare much of a coming out speech. You don't know how they'll react yet. I don't think there is a "how" to come out to your family other than:

1. Sit them down, together... when they know you have something important you will be discussing with them. In other words, they're giving you their attention, and are ready for something or other serious to be talked about.

2. Say: "I'm gay/bi"

Followed by a very brief summary of what you mean. Something like "So I only like women" or "I also like women"

Then wait to hear what they have to say.

It's more a matter of gathering your courage (I think). Not so much a matter of figuring out "how." Just be straightforward and clear.

I hope it goes well, and that your family is supportive. At least they'll know who you really are. No more faking it. (even if that changes nothing really. It'll feel different, I would think).

4ngelic · Accepted Answer

just flat out tell them when you're all together or text them if you're too nervous to do it face to face. or maybe dont exactly come out formally, just dont hide your sexuality anymore.

stay in the closet if they're homophobic though

itsannalee · Accepted Answer

Well, i told them that i want to live for myself, not others people. Not to make anyone proud anymore, or follow anyone rules. I do what i feel that the best for me and they support me.

Gaylordslav · Answer

I told my mom I was gay she said im not. Only people who think im straight are my immediate family. When I tell how someone called me a gay slur and give her every detail even when she's with me in public she denies it. she's says im not that important that everywhere I go someone says something derogatory or shameful. But I tried explaing that when your seen as a weak insecure guy with no self esteem or confidence people especially women won't hesitant to abuse you because they dont respect, fear or care about them winning your approval of them. She then gets mad cusses me out and stops talking to me. I love my mom and I wish I didn't have to be so pathetic so I could be a better son to her, remove some of the burdens she's carrying due to my inadequacies and that I would finally go and live life and be self sufficient. The fear of being gay and being mistreated by others has stopped my growth as a person and killed all hopes and dreams of doing anything with my life. I've accepted failure and given up. Been the same person for the last 11yrs with a heart full of sorrow, anger, hatred and bitterness at women and the world.

Rei13 · Answer

It is hard to say because I do not know your family. My only advice is to think it through and have that conversation somewhere that is both comfortable for you and for them. Have a backup plan for if it goes poorly, if you live with them see if a friend would be okay with letting you stay with them if the worst case scenario occurs. I know for my friend it went poorly for him/he was cut off, but his family came around eventually. It just took time

Renegade_Sailor · Answer

What ever you do, do it in a unicorn onesie.

On that note you don't have to come out, you have no obligation, it's up to you when and where to do it.

You know the people in your life best.

It may be best to tell one at a time.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I never did, they already knew. It was obvious from the time I was 12, maybe even younger.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I’m straight and don’t even tell my family about the women I date And I love my family  It’s just that some things aren’t really any of their business

BloodyMary6 · Answer

I did it in a letter given to my parents so I can put in writing. They told me they love me regardless. Plus doesn't hurt I live in City where people are more accepting.

14gurlz2gagonit · Answer

Have you considered a sewer slide? Just joking, that would be disgusting. Just tell them.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I told my mom by text and she told my dad. I told my sister in person. They were all very supportive. I was afraid for nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

Why does your fam have to know? It’s no one’s business lololol  I've been bi my whole life and no one in my family knows cause its no one’s business

DrPepper12 · Answer

In a seting, time & manner of your choosing with people that support you telling the source of anxiety. Unequivicating, unapologetic, proud & direct. Good luck!!

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I guess you go visit them? What do you think... just tell them.

MrChinaski · Answer

Came out. Was yelled at. No reparation has occurred 16 years later. Your mileage may vary, but don't expect a ticketade parade.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I'm straight and my family doesn't really ask me about my sexual preferences.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

You fucken do it. Why is it so damn difficult

Skyros · Answer

I just one day told them and they didn’t get upset, surprised yes. To this day I don’t think they believe I am. It may feel awkward at first, but in time that will fade away.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell them you were abused as a child and it affected your sexuality, then tell your parents they will never have grandkids from you.

Pterodon · Answer

Over the dinner table. “I’m a fag will you pass the potatoes?”

soe11 · Answer

Will not advice to you, unless you give a valid reason.

robocop666 · Answer

make sure you are gay permanently before you do so. Apparently people are not as upset as you think they are.

Anonymous · Answer

You simply tell them and trust that as your family they will support you and let you be who you need to be to grow and evolve in the world.

LiaRaven · Answer

I come out well dressed and clean

biraileeşkadını · Answer

Send a message to a faraway place.

demonics · Answer

Chances are they already know.

January_Sixth · Answer

With yoir hands up

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

"im gay"

Godihateyou · Answer

You don't. Ever. Stay in the closet.

How do you come out to your family?

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