Why are a lot of guys not able to say I love you to another guy?

Question

Like seriously. Do you think you’ll be labeled fat, or what? I tell girls I love them. Just did to my girl, Holly. She’s awesome and never even met that smooth operator. Heh.

ShrunkenGuy · Accepted Answer

Maybe it’s a cultural/regional distinction.

If that’s normal for you then all power to you.

In other places it is weird and does strongly suggest homosexuality.

It feels like you are conflating camaraderie (friendship) which can be extremely strong sometimes like a brotherhood bond but it is always plutonic. Men who fight and survive together can grow attached like brothers.

They express this with many words, “I got your back”, “I’m your wingman”, “You’re my bro, bro” (not actual blood relative) and there’s a certain poetry to attempts to explain this plutonic male bond that doesn’t just fall on using the word love. As love is entwined with a romance, usually, the exception being parents love for their children which is around protection, same for love of pets which is also protection and companionship (not to be lonely). In extreme cases, facing certain death on a battlefield then it’s possible the word “love” is used, though this is something of an extreme case and uncomfortable should they survive then downplay it.

Some men as others have said may struggle with saying it at all. Others respect and reverie the word, reserving it only for those it truly applies for them. They don’t *love* every dog or pet they come across like a woman might casually blurt out “Oh I LOVE him! He’s so cute!” He loves only his dog or pet. He’s doesn’t love every adorable child you meet, he loves his own children. He doesn’t love every female friend, he loves his girlfriend or wife. By the way “his” is this context is now about “ownership”, he doesn’t own them, he is connected to them, just as he is their human, their father, their husband. No one says the girlfriend or wife is being matriarchal owning her husband because she refers to him as her husband. But this is often a bad faith argument slung out around here like we’re still in the 1920s and not 2020s.

My counter-question is why are women so flippant with the word love and use it everywhere and it’s up to everyone else to register “She doesn’t actually mean love but ‘like a lot’ instead.”

The issue has not been helped by a lack of male “brotherhood” portrayed on the screen (big and small) for the last decade or more and in fact in some cases the erasure of a plutonic male brotherly bond and replaced with an actual romantic homosexual bond, presumably for the purpose of scoring points on targets required by the film and TV industry or awards for representation. Seeing more of that later (I’ve no issue with homosexuality getting a turn or place at the table for representation but I do have a problem with it superseding and giving no room for straight male bond, we often hear “toxic masculinity” as an excuse). Male companionship, camaraderie, brotherly bond is not on any representation lists unfortunately, there is no flag for it, there isn’t even one definable word for it. There are not people labelling themselves with it, there are no parades in support of it.

Yet some people wonder why there is a social divide and issues, male self-removal up, questionable influencer role models, the rise of AI chatbots. Why there is conflict between the sexes, why chivalry is dead. Why men won’t approach as much anymore. Why all the dating rules have changed. Women and (overly?) sensitive men got their way, got power and changed things and now they’re not happy with what has happened. You/they made it like this. You thought it sounded good on paper then didn’t like it, but some still don’t realise and continue to push men to fit what you want, the problem is you don’t really know what you want , you just want the feeling of control by changing others, the problem is you don’t actually like what you change, or many women don’t and later regret and lament it. Try respecting men’s ways instead of insisting they change to be like you.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

There are still many and varied negative consequences for men expressing themselves in such a way. Those consequences come from women at least as often as from other men, probably more. Almost 100% of everything straight men do is to receive and maintain the affections of women. If women had historically chosen exclusively sensitive men who express themselves the way women are permitted without consequence, then that is how men would behave. If mothers everywhere didn’t beat their sons every time they cried while screaming, “I’ll give you something to cry about, you little sh*t!”, then more boys would grow up to become men who had no reason to fear expressing themselves. If women chased after broke men with big dreams that never amounted to anything, and never divorced men whose dreams didn’t result in wealth and power, men would dream instead of risking their lives and livelihoods for a paycheck. If women didn’t love expensive, flashy cars, big houses and ridiculous jewelry, men would literally never waste their money on that crap. Ell oh ell!
In short, women are the main reason men act the way they do, in almost every single way.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Fear of faggotry, mostly. Straight men can be silly that way. Confident men can say it. My son, who'll be 30 this year and his friends seem to be in a different realm when it comes to this. He has several close friends he confides in and who are supportive and vice versa. Makes me feel good about him since he's an only.

My dad didn't do much of that saying out loud stuff. But from his care and actions, I KNEW he loved us dearly. I didn't need to hear it. He was a wonderful father.

I don't like demanding or expecting things from people just because I want it. It's unrealistic. And if you KNOW, from everything else that a person does for you in your life, do a few words matter? Didn't to me. He showed his love without my asking in too many other ways.

I have a good friend who is still disappointed and angry with her parents for what they didn't give her. She was fed and clothed, but had a father who never complimented her and parents who never supported her pursuits or academic career. Never said they were proud of her. At 66, she still gripes about it.

Everybody is different. But I think at a late date you've gotta let this kind of stuff go and forgive those who were incapable, because think of how little THEY received. She KNOWS this, but it doesn't register with her. And they won't be around much longer. One is already in a nursing home.

So, there are those who'll say I love you, I love you and those words will be empty. If they aren't backed up by caring actions, they're meaningless. So, for some men, maybe the interactions between them speak, "I love you." It all adds up to be the same.

Beckybooboo · Accepted Answer

It's not even to another man! It's basically anybody lol.. When I talk to my brothers on the phone, before we hang up, I always say, "I love ya" and they give me the, "Okay, Becky, I'll talk to you later". I don't know if they think it makes them unmanly to show those types of emotions to someone other than a lover and their children? My dad tells me he loves me but I don't think he says it to my brothers anymore. I'm like you, I tell friends and family that I love them, whether they wanna hear it or not.

Cutegirl06 · Answer

Afraid of being labeled gay. But my boyfriend tells his best friend he loves him. Society is messed up.

ohsheeT · Answer

Because they don't truly know who they are inside. They are so afraid that somebody is going to judge them or look at them wrong because they use those words. I love you bro friend buddy

If they can't say it to another man then they truly don't understand what love even means

And that means when they say it to a woman.
They're just using the words. It's not real, it's not real until they love themselves enough to believe in themselves and not worry. What other people think are say about them

They have to understand.
The word love is more than just a word. It is an emotion, it is an energy.
You prove it by your actions. You prove it by who you are, who you truly are.
You prove it by your kindness. It has nothing to do with weakness. It has nothing to do with any other word in our dictionary, except for being honest real with yourself. First and then whoever you are. You can share with whoever you want and you don't worry about what other people think or say because they don't know you.

I can tell you this. I am straight. I don't care what people think of me. I can tell you. There are many men in this world that I can say. I love you too. There are many men in this world that I can say. I don't like you at all

But if you know me.
You know, I have no problem waking up. Wrapping my arms around another man and say bro dude brother friend there name. I love you. And hold them tight as I can

I don't care who's watching. I don't care who says one word because it's not about them is about me showing somebody who I am and i'm not afraid to be me

SueShe · Answer

Being from the other side of the pond, this is a statement or confession that sounds odd and that would place the guy saying it immediately into the category "liking boys more than girls".

This "I love you" business is not as widespread on the old continent as perhaps in the US or Canada. We seem to keep a certain distance although in the UK, the term "honey", "sweetheart" or "darling" is widely spread when addressing people, mainly when addressing customers in stores or patients in the ER or hospitals.

Mind you that I would be shocked if a girl would tell me "I love you". I would think she is after my booty.

Tarifa · Answer

When boys grow up, there is an unwritten rule that you don't show your feelings. You don't cry, you don't show yourself as being vulnerable in the company of other boys. It's not a question of them thinking we might be gay, that doesn't even cross our minds.

That may be part of the reason why, when we grow up to be adults, saying I love you to a friend feels awkward. We tend to reserve that to romantic situations.

But with my best friends, in my case a cousin who is like the brother I never had and to whom I can say absolutely everything, love is very present. We don't need to say it, it's more than obvious. We grew up together, have no secrets at all. Telling him I love him would be like saying the sun rises in the east.

Orion84 · Answer

We generally reserve that expression for romantic partners, and sometimes close family. It doesn't mean we don't care about our good guy friends; we just express that affection through actions, rather than words.

Most guys have one or two guy friends that we know we can call, any time, for any reason, and they will be there. No questions asked, day or night. We don't need to actually say the words, 'cause that level of brotherhood says it for us. It's not about being called "gay". That's just the way mens' relationships with each other work.

Thus, we retain the actual words for other relationships, most often with women, and it carries more weight to us, specifically because it's not something we say often. So when we say it to a woman, we really mean it.

Purpleronnie · Answer

That’s just normal masculinity and perhaps the fear of same sex affection.
As it’s well known and somewhat accepted that many guys resist showing vulnerability around the women they love or care for deeply , is it really such a stretch to think that they also wouldn’t around other men?

Many guys are programmed or conditioned to believe being overtly emotional / vulnerable is a sign of weakness because generally women reject weaker men. I think many guys just express their love through actions whether it be other guys or women.

Lliam · Answer

I gave a band mate a bro hug and said "I love you, bro" when I was drunk and we were laughing our asses off. It wasn't romantic. It was just an expression of very high regard and close friendship.

And I said it over the phone to another guy who was my very best friend ever. Actually, what happened with him was, we talked on the phone at least once a week for years and often for a couple of hours, but he would interrupt me a lot. So, one time I said "You know I love you, Geno, but it bugs me when you interrupt me." He wasn't offended and appreciated my honesty. We remained best friends until he died. He was at least 5 years older than me and had heart issues.

Jackblue · Answer

Some gen alpha boys do. Ironically culturally men acting more masculine is to a large extent correlated to women's liberation. In more patriarchal cultures such as Italy or the Middle East men would kiss each other in the recent past and some still do. In old Victorian photographs men sometimes sat on each other's laps. This increasingly changed after women gained the right to vote. Arguably in those cultures men's masculinity is taken for granted more and doesn't need to be proven by avoiding expressions of vulnerability.

blueonblack22 · Answer

It has to be used very sparingly, in the right context and at the right moment. If it’s not said right it sounds “gay”.

No offense to gay men. But straight men never want to have their sexuality (sincerely) questioned. It’s extremely insulting for most of them. And women keep trying to laugh this off or dismiss it. But they just don’t get it. It’s a masculine respect issue.

MrOracle · Answer

Men communicate love via their actions, not their words, and this is especially true when showing love to other men. Men understand that words are easy to fake, but actions tell the truth.

When you help your buddy fix his car or house, when you loan him money you don't really have, when you help him through a divorce or breakup or a serious illness, you don't need to say I love you - you made those feelings clear through your actions.

(Most) men understand the sacrifices it takes to do those things, and they respect and appreciate them, and that's enough. Men don't need to hear the words from another man when he speaks through his actions.

TrimmedTip · Answer

Many guys struggle to say "I love you" to other guys due to toxic masculinity and social conditioning that labels emotional intimacy between men as "weak" or "gay." Fear of being judged, mocked, or seen as less masculine often silences them — even when they deeply care.

But love isn’t gendered. Real strength is being vulnerable enough to express it. 💪❤️‍🔥

Glad you’re breaking the stigma — keep it up. 👊😊

Summeroflove · Answer

I guess men just express love to one another in different ways in general. Some men who are friends will say they love one another but I guess it feels weird to a lot of them

Makeushiver · Answer

Unless they're children, you're right, it is difficult. I had a friend at Uni who was an actor and he asked me the same thing. It's just hard to say-for me at least. Although my friend was a poofter he could walk into a redneck bar & his acting skills were so good he scare the shit out of people just dropping into character

molonski2 · Answer

Honestly there are too many of them saying it right now and frankly long term it means nothing , so you run around saying " I love you man " in 20 years you won't even know that dude..

So why would there possibly be a need to. feminise these young men even more? Plus you don't actually LOVE them , you just know them at that point in your life.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

Guys can say that mostly to their girlfriends, or parents, siblings and grandparents.

If they would say that to their friends, the other guys would most likely laugh at them... we live in that kind of society (patriarchal standards, often influenced by religious fanatics).

jamesgoldman · Answer

I'll say it to my brother but other that it's just odd

Most only get a simple cheers, even my dad only gets that or Del (which is not his real name)

Only other note is one of my friends called me a bastard for buying him a few cases of beer one Christmas, I responded by calling him a cnut we've stuck with those ever since unless in polite company because we both opted for military ranks so we ended up as brigadier and corporal

WhitneySnow · Answer

My boyfriend says I love you to his guy friends. But I think a lot of guys are afraid people will think they’re gay if they say that.

Clear_Skies10 · Answer

The only guy I love is my son. My dad and my brother died. I generally don't even like most people. I have zero Bro Code. It might be because I grew up hanging out with guys 24 hours a day, working with guys, drinking with guys etc. I experienced enough male bonding to last a lifetime. I don't have any cravings to hang out with the guys. When I do, I usually bond with their wives, and then they hate me, lol.

Finchie40 · Answer

Mainly because they don’t want to be considered gay by others’ , sometimes when I say I love ya man to one of my close friends’ it crossed my mind that I hope he doesn’t think I am gay for him lol So it definitely stems down from masculinity

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Because love is probably associated a lot more with some kind of romantic feelings.

Miristheiss · Answer

It is kind of irrelevant.  Guys saying "I love you" to guys is much ado about nothing. I think men have been feminized enough over the last few decades.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I do, but not daily or whenever I leave or anything. Just in moments where times are tough.  I don't think saying "I love you" is really necessary. Actions speak louder than words.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I think it's commonly understood that some men have trouble with this because not all men are raised as kids to be affectionate. For some of us we've never been told we're loved by a parent, and certainly not your father which is the one who should be the one saying it to you.

Circushowcowboy · Answer

Result in the toxic way a lot of us were raised. To think it’s going to come off as romantic or something

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

What are you talking about?

Guy friends that are really close and treat eachother like brothers or cousins tell each other they love eachother.

My friend told me "I love you" one time in highschool and it felt awkward tbh

snapkingmatt · Answer

It has to do more with general awkwardness. If saying that makes your friend feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to just leave it be.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Less talk more action is the motive. You know some girls think all men are secretly gay just because mens friendship are stronger than women friendships excluding some exclusions..

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It’s borderline gay. There is a way of telling your buddies you care about them in a way that isn’t also used in a way of affection/romance

stayorgo · Answer

I have no problem with that to my fellow dudes.. will you? Gotta let them know

slatyb · Answer

I say it to my brother whenever we talk on the phone.

TheKillerJason · Answer

Because it doesn’t mean anything - it’s hella corny. It would sound as coming from a place of needy attention seeking. What does love me? Warmth? Responsibility? Loyalty? Sexual intimacy?

Those are all different things. Dharma means fulfilling your duty in your relationship role. Bros are just bros we supposed to keep each other straight on track not be all sappy

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Because if we say it, we mean it unlike you girls using it too often making it less special. We say it to girls we truly value and most of us are not gays.

XXblack88 · Answer

Not sure if I hear a guy call another guy brother/ bro I'm thinking their bff no boyfriend

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I see no reason to do so. My best buddies know where we stand.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I have no problem telling some of my guy friends I love them because I do. I don’t tell a lot of the but I do say it when I need to.

Cormac995 · Answer

Cause that's GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Alex-Snow · Answer

If I had a brother I would say it. I do not have a father in my life. I have a lot of guy friends but I would not say that I actually love them. But if I did I would say it.

clampfan101 · Answer

I feel fine saying it to friends of either gender that are like family to me.

theskyrider · Answer

I would say to my friend. Maybe some might have difficulty opening up

Slave_submissive · Answer

I actually would love to say that but am afraid of being misunderstood. I hope it can change in my lifetime

CubaPirate · Answer

Because they're not really respectful bros perhaps

HellGeist · Answer

Personally I don't love anyone. I tell certain family I love them so they don't feel bad.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Men don't use the L-word.

warlock83 · Answer

I dunno, we are (my friends and I) are close that way

grega239 · Answer

Women tell each other i love you. Men roast each other Men are not like women... please contain your surprise.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Because we don't want anyone especially other Guys thinking we are Gay or have Gay tendencies if we are straight.

verified · Answer

Because we often say it indirectly very often

JDLives · Answer

It’s too mushy. It’s easier to tell them “they suck”. Then they know.

TiffanySpooky · Answer

Toxic masculinity, they think it’s “gay”

jahaims · Answer

I don't know anyone that has a problem saying it

noohair · Answer

It is a guy thing...

HДLILБΞУ · Answer

He can't say that because he is said to be gay..

Panthero80 · Answer

Homophobia

RavVid · Answer

It's gay.

Bigjake199530 · Answer

It’s weird to them

eagle1951 · Answer

yuke

Why are a lot of guys not able to say I love you to another guy?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do guys have a hard time saying I love you to Male friends?

Why are a lot of guys not able to say I love you to another guy?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do guys have a hard time saying I love you to Male friends?

We're glad to see you liked this post.