How do I deal with an overbearing mum in adulthood?

[MissSunshine2]

Sometimes I feel tempted to give in to her constant griping about men I’m interested in dating, just to shut her up and be the good child. But then I notice how I’m being triggered and I listen, agree to disagree and make my own decisions.

[ohsheeT]

Well, that's it right there. You're being triggered, and you can't allow that. First of all, you have to understand why and what your mom is actually saying, even though her words might be different. And the reason why it's almost preprogramming you in a way, and if you understand all those reasons Then it makes it a lot easier to kind of be one step. Two steps ahead of head of her when she starts talking to you that way

Even though you know you don't want to be bothered by it, you don't want to hear it. And that's all understandable. So that's why you have to think way fast in the head of her.

Without detailed questions, without barking back at her, because that's what she's looking for too, she's bored LOL and she wants to start drama because then whatever's happening in her life. It's gonna be your fault for arguing with her over something that she started, so you can't let it affect you.

[bowenw]

Try to ignore her and don't raise the subject of men with her.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[SueShe]

"Men" in plural?

How many men do you date? Is one not enough. I do understand her because the way you phrase it makes it sound that you are a person that is not satisfied with just one single man. At your age, you should have settled a long time ago and interested in dating several men may be uncomfortable to her because if word gets out that you do that, she may be in an uncomfortable situation knowing that people will talk about you behind her back.

It's none of my business but perhaps you should really give a serious thought about that entire multiple dating.

[MissSunshine2]

I haven’t actually multiple dated for years. I’ve started to notice one or two and she immediately finds fault with them.

[MissSunshine2]

I wasn’t ready to settle down early.

[MissSunshine2]

and yes you’re right. It’s not your business. 😊

[SueShe]

So, let me ask you. If it is none of any of us answering your question, why do you even bother to ask it?

[MissSunshine2]

I asked not for your opinion on my experience with men, based on ignorance (limited knowledge from short life experience); I asked for advice on how to deal with an overbearing mum as an adult.

[Nikki1989]

You are an adult and act like one. Simple.

[MissSunshine2]

How so? Do you mean do what I’m doing already? Continue to be responsible with money, make my own decisions but listen to her opinions?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It actually depends on the culture you are from because it will define do's and donts.

Depends on how receptive and sensitive your mom is because to prove a point we wouldnot want to wind up hurting her as she would be aged person now.

[AviatorTom]

It's always a good idea to follow your own gut and principles.

If your mother doesn't understand that, it's HER problem, not yours.

[Snowman84]

My first mother in law was an overbearing woman who used manipulation as a convenient control mechanism

[DarKnight36]

While you live in your family home, your family may put obstacles in the way of what you want.

[sukritimahanjani]

Setting firm, consistent boundaries, communicating needs directly, and limiting emotional reactions to regain personal control.

[Hagar88]

With kindness and understanding

[Pterodon]

Establish boundaries