How do you deal with overbearing exhausting parents?

[Girlwonder212]

I hate to make a post about this, sounding ungrateful and disrespectful towards my parents but I promise that is not the case. I am 23 years old and my parents want to know every move I make. Every time I come up with a plan or an idea about moving out, they shut it down and have something negative to say about it. We have cameras outside of our home and they watch the cameras when I leave and come in. When we have a disagreement/argument I leave to get away from it and they text me negative things still going on about it. I have little to no privacy! They’re always commenting on my dating life and the person I’m dating. Literally everyday, they have something negative to say. I’m tired of living my life like this, there’s so much more that I can’t fit into this! They’re never pleased with anything and I feel like they want to have some sort of control over everything in my life. They focus so much on boys I date than they do teaching me things. I love my parents dearly but the older I get, the more I see that they’re narcissistic, petty, toxic, and childish.

[lucas262]

I can relate, my sis and I where adopted from s bad situation.
Some medical issues developed in our teens they sheltered us so much,

Homeschooled us for for all except 1st and 2nd grade.
I didn't walk up my street alone till i was 17.
Wanted to get a job and drive at 16_18 and all i heard was I wasn't mentally capable.
They didn't encourage or support me in trying to join the army at 18. I didn't officially graduate till like 20.
Barley had an education and honestly didn't apply myself.

My sis takes off with some guy she met online
And i stayed home, every day im reminded of how incapable i am, or my mom will tell me i never dp Any thing to help and she should call some other boys to help her, after I just finished helping her, little things like that over years.

So much manipulation and shaming, so much isolation.
No one taught me to be an adult, when I wanted to learn the things I'd need now they said I would learn as i went like they did. When I felt overweight and wanted to work our they said i was fine so I didn't and when i started running miles they told me i couldn't because of asthma which disappeared within 2 months or so. So much more, it goes deep for me and my sis. And its effected us so much, and what did they say when we told them how we felt?

It's a phase all you kids go through, you just need some ,, help,,
When you finally mature you'll understand
God expects you to obey

Im sorry I'm venting a little now.

Love my parents to death, but they did us wrong and I forgive them of not for them for myself but ill live with the effevts every day for the rest of my life and i know that because my older siblings do today.

Your not alone. If you have to do the hard things to take a step forward do it, rememb e your a human being and have a right to live your life.

[Girlwonder212]

Thank you so much for sharing! I agree with you totally and I’m so sorry that happened to you! Most parents say that it’s all out of love but sometimes they don’t understand that it’s nearly crippling.

[nachosaresexy]

Sounds like maybe a cultural thing? In their culture/background is it common for families to stay living together?

Whatever the deal is, you're clearly an adult at this point in your life and should be capable of making your own decisions about who you date, school/career, where you live, etc. Is it a realistic option for you to move out, or would you need your parents' support financially?

[Girlwonder212]

In my case it’s not really a cultural thing. We just have a huge household and growing up, I’ve always had my parents help but now that I’m older I want to do things on my own! I promise I’m not being ungrateful, I just hate having people do things for me and hold it over my head or do it just to have control or power. I’m in the process of figuring out what I want to do in life however I feel like if I move out, I’d have a better handle on things and a peace of mind! I hate living with and being around people who find a flaw in literally everything. I do feel that moving out is realistic, I just have to save up.

[Anonymous]

They will not change, you have to make change for yourself. Understand that their overbearingness comes from the natural parental reaction to protect but your not a defenseless baby your 23. Surely youve learned something along the way. It's hard cus they're your parents and you live with them, but allow anyone to cross your boundaries. You have to take a stand and establish them. Its not disrespectful, you weren't born to be controlled, that's damaging to the soul mind and heart. The relationship is toxic. I grew up no father and all the decisions my mom made for my life were based upon her feelings for herself. Very selfish. I missed out on many opportunities because of her ways. I still live at home with her but I don't tolerate what I don't accept. Stay positive and make it a goal get out of the house. Remember they can't bring you down.

[Girlwonder212]

Thank you so much for sharing! I will keep that in mind

[lovedejj_xo]

You sound like me I had to cut my mom off she was very toxic and disrespectful and well narcissistic. I can love from afar.

[lovedejj_xo]

I also went to therapy it helped and made me realize I was never the problem

[Girlwonder212]

It’s very annoying! I’m thinking about seeking therapy as well for sure

[art84]

I would move out if possible and live your own life. You're parents definitely remind me of my friend whose mother was similar though minus the cameras. My friend couldn't do anything without her mother's say and she would consistently argue with her mother. My friend was in her 20's and felt treated like a child. She didn't have freedom and felt trapped and it got her one day. She eventually broke away from her mother and got married and had a family. I don't blame her as I would do the same thing.

[Girlwonder212]

Great for her! Sometimes that’s what you have to do, it’s crazy!

[TremorJay]

It's not doing you any good sticking around. Find some roommates and distance yourself for a while. Your relationship with your parents can improve after that.

[Girlwonder212]

I agree!

[KristenKT]

I just shut them out and go to my room and get on here for advice

[Girlwonder212]

Same!

[guesswhereivebeen]

You turn 18 get the fuck outta there and tell them to back the fuck off

[Girlwonder212]

I agree!

[Abumia]

There is no way to deal with it.. I have given up..

[Girlwonder212]

Same here! Slowly but surely

[DorkVader]

Move out. Make your decisions, you are an adult.

[nerms123]

You need to run away from home

[Annie12234]

Love that! I wish I could 😂🙈

[nerms123]

@Annie12234 the best thing to do is make your parents BELIEVE that you totally agree with everything they say and even behave more conservative and pretend like you had some kind of realization that you should never leave the house etc. and meanwhile you can secretly save up money and plan your perfect escape but make sure you never leave any evidence!

[Annie12234]

Okay! Great advice and thank you😘🤗🌸

[nerms123]

@Annie12234 good luck! I’ve seen it work before!

[Annie12234]

Thank you @nerms123 🤗🌸

[Girlwonder212]

I contemplate it everyday

[valsaie]

move out