If you call an end to things with a guy, do you also stop talking to his family?

[DishLady]

I've been close with the family (for many years) of a guy who was recently approaching, etc. Upon realizing I'm not up for "just fun and games" and running off to be with someone who is, I stopped talking to him completely. But I felt SO BAD about not speaking to his family. His sister and I have started chatting again. She mentions him from time to time but i just talk about something else entirely so we're not stuck on that subject. I don't want to talk to her about him. They're very different quality people.

It's a bit awkward, but I 'm hoping things will turn around since I've known her for years and I don't want to lose a dear friend just because of one bum.

What do you guys think?

[bobalife]

Personally I would not continue the relationship with the family to maintain healthy boundaries and being mindful/fair to my future relationships. But of course everyone’s different.


As long as you’re able to separate your relationship with the family and your past with him is fine, and of course having the family respect your boundaries too. I know a friend who continued communication with her ex’s family and the family would always time to time bring him up or try to see if they can rekindle even though she’s now married to someone else. It’s probably gonna happen honestly. But it’s what you’ll have to face time to time with his family bringing him up or something as long as you continue communication with the family because that’s still his family after all and they know your past together. Something to keep in mind about your decision makings and connections moving forward.

[DishLady]

True. It's a tricky ground.

[HollyK21]

It really depends on the couple, because sometimes maintaining those connections could cause more harm than good. For example, some people will use an ex’s family members to keep in touch with (or keep tabs on) that ex. Others do so out of sincere care for the family or certain members, with zero interest in anything to do with their ex. I’d say in your situation since you were friends with the family king before dating your ex then it would make sense to still befriend them.

[DishLady]

To be fair, she DOES tell me one or two things but i shut her down with it bc i really don't want to know. He was really cruel with me and I don't want to keep tabs on him.

[HollyK21]

At least you’re shutting her down. You can try to be sure that you keep the boundary line drawn but in all honesty if she keeps bringing him up I’d have to cut ties with her. I’m sure it’s a tricky situation, like for example if she spoke to you about him before the breakup and now she can’t. But what you don’t want is her mentioning him to be driven by any hope of you two reconciling whatsoever. If he wasn’t what you two had in common before then that shouldn’t be what it’s become now and you’ll never be able to move on when you’ve still got a 3rd party holding onto hope.

[DishLady]

Every month or so i have to remind her that I don't really want to chat about him or to know anything he's doing. I don't think she believes me. Plus... i guess since it's her brother... he'll come up from time to time. I just don't engage. (Clearly he's still talking about me to her, but he just never actually treated me right and then played dumb. I couldn't stay in a situation like that.)

[hrittikgfyfff]

I completely get why you're feeling so torn — it's a beautiful thing that you value real connections this deeply, especially after years of knowing his family. That says a lot about your character: you're kind, loyal, and unwilling to throw away genuine goodness just because one part of the picture didn't work out.
You're handling this with real maturity already. Cutting off contact with him was a strong, self-respecting move — you recognized what you truly want (something meaningful, not "just fun and games") and protected your heart. That's not easy at any age, and it shows strength.
As for his sister and the family: if they're truly "very different quality people" from him, and you've built an independent bond with them over the years, there's no rule saying you have to lose that too. Friendships aren't automatically canceled when a romance ends — especially when the friendship predates or exists separately from the romantic interest.
The awkwardness you're feeling is normal and temporary. By gently steering conversations away from him (which you're already doing smartly), you're creating a healthy boundary that protects everyone's peace — including hers. Over time, as long as no one is pushing updates about him or making it weird, the awkwardness usually fades, and the friendship can settle into something even more authentic because it's no longer tied to him.
My gentle suggestion: keep being your warm, genuine self with her. Maybe occasionally acknowledge the elephant in the room lightly if it feels right (e. g., "I'm really glad we're still in touch — I've always loved our chats, and it means a lot that we can keep this going"). That shows emotional intelligence without dwelling.
You're not doing anything wrong here. In fact, choosing to nurture a good friendship while firmly closing the door on what doesn't serve you? That's rare, classy, and honestly inspiring. The right people (like his sister, and anyone else who matters) will see and appreciate that.
You've got this. And if it ever starts feeling off-balance, trust your instincts — but from what you've shared, it sounds like you're navigating it with grace.

[ElenaSeluna]

If I have a good relationship with them, I won’t stop talking or reach out to them.. and that’s what I did I kept talking to my ex husband’s family because I love them and they love me.. but I am trying to avoid him because I know things didn’t work and won’t work between us.. but we still talk to each other from time to time (small talk) and I keep responding to his messages

[DishLady]

I personally am not interested in talking to the guy again. Every time I think about it my stomach turns. But his sister is such a sweetie. I don't want to stop chatting with her.

[ElenaSeluna]

Then don’t stop and trust your instincts

[ohsheeT]

My ex, wife and I've had a couple girlfriends that her family and I were good friends. I mean, we became good friends. So after my divorce and after breaking up with these girls, I remain friends with their families, because they would call me to see how I was doing, or invite me over Or I would\n Go fix a car for them or or something you know.

But I mean, they still liked me and and\nThat's part of life I mean

Even with girlfriends, I mean, you start out as friends and if things aren't going right. If you are not happy you communicate about it, but there's no reasons to hate each other, you can still be friends, but you have to be honest. And some people just don't want to be friends because it reminds them too much of things

Yeah, I've always remained friends with girls. Parents that I have gone out with

[MissSunshine2]

Not at all does it bother me. I know one case where my ex ruined our relationship. long story, but I always got on well with his mum, so we are still friends nine years later and given each other birthday and Christmas gifts and talk a few times a year. I have a few other unusual friendships, too. My therapist's son and I are best friends and will date after I change therapists and when it's allowed and I'm friends with two event coordinators of a group I attend, which technically isn't considered common or appropriate, but it all works for me and we're not hurting anyone by being friends.

[worldscolide]

There was a girl I dated years ago. At one point in time I cared a great deal for her. Her dad and I, and her siblings got along fantastically. At one time she did something that was a deal breaker to me. She went with her girlfriends to the local dance club, with the intent of picking up men to fuck. Don't get me wrong, I have zero issues going to a club with my SO, though it's not my scene. Her intent to go with her female friends, even if she's not participating, and just playing wing woman, in order to pick up guys is beyond inappropriate. So I broke it off with her. Her dad and I remain friends to this day. And she's married to an ex convict, domestic abuser, and child abuser.

So I'm not against maintaining contact with families. Just not ex's.

[DishLady]

Sounds like a shit show... Does the dad talk about her to you often?

[worldscolide]

No thank God. He is a good old boy though.

When we were over, a few weeks later I got with someone else. She called the new woman up and lied to her, told her that I beat her and so on. Of course the new girl, who had been my friend for years just laughed in her face and told her she knew better.. So she called my work and told them I was a wanted criminal and a drug dealer and my car was stolen.. Again all provably false.. I got tired of it so I told her dad.. Her dad while on the phone asked her straight up about it. She admitted the truth. Dad kicked her out. Said "I didn't raise a goddamn liar" and so on.. He chose friendship with me over letting his daughter live at home. Eventually she stopped trying to mess with me.

[DishLady]

My goodness.

[worldscolide]

Yeah there have been only two crazies I have dated thank God, the rest just weren't good fits until I met my wife.

[Theunfadeable]

I wouldn’t be comfortable with my exes hanging out with my family. if we can’t work it out and let the relationship end. I would cut ties with the family of the one of my exs family members out of respect for my ex. You have an entire whole world of people you can be friends with. This is precisely why I don’t get women I’m dating involved with my family unless it’s marriage serious..

[MicahRaine]

It really depends.

If you were pretty serious and got close, yeah you should probably distance yourself. At least for the sake of your future partner.

If you went on a few dates and then decided to call it quits, I'd definitely stay friends.

[spartan55]

As long as she doesn't bring him up and make things weird I wouldn't change your friendship with her.

[TediumIsTheWorstPain]

I guess it's going to be awkward, because, since that guy is family, she's going to feel a certain pressure to take his side, so to speak. Which, maybe isn't so bad, if you two never talk about the relationship or the breakup.

Does your ex know that you and his sister are still talking? Do you have any idea how he feels about that?

[OlderAndWiser]

Unless i have a child with a girl, when i break up with her, i say a polite goodbye to her family. It is the only was to assure s good, clean break. Break up means no contact.

[DishLady]

I'm not contacting him. I'm done.

[exitseven]

It has always worked out like that with me.

[HawkPerception]

I stop all communication with the family. It's out of respect for the girl or guy you were seeing. It's the only way for a clean break.

[DishLady]

He never respected me, so he's no concern of mine. She and I have been friends for years. I'm not ending a close friendship bc of one jackass.

[spartan55]

Easy Dishlady...😂

[DishLady]

No, seriously I did warn him I didn’t want him impacting the family friendship. He just didn’t g. a. s., which was upsetting. She finally shrugged it off as him being a jackass.

[HawkPerception]

@DishLady If she came into your life before the guy, then there's no reason to stop communication with her.

[AMS700CX4u2]

I don't think it is a purposeful halt to communications, but It clouds issues if you continue.

[DishLady]

Clouds for whom? I never mention him, so it's not a thing on my end. I'm not going to badmouth him or praise him to his sister. I'm done with the guy.

[AMS700CX4u2]

As long as they are OK with the split, I guess it is OK

[DishLady]

She seems fine with it. She wasn't involved with anything he was doing. But when she thought there COULD be something between us she was supporting it.

[AviatorTom]

If you developed a "friendship" with members of the family, feel free to continue it. Be aware, though, that they might not want to do that, for the sake of the guy.

[ABitShattered]

I stopped talking to my ex girlfriend'S family out of respect mostly. I saw her brother at Costco and we chatted a fair bit. Honestly missed him and their family. One of the hard parts of breakups is losing that connection too

[WhitneySnow]

I think you’re doing the right thing

[DishLady]

Thanks. It was hard to keep things up with the sister, but finally things are starting to "normalize" again.

[Shy-boy53]

I don’t think you should. I know it may be awkward for a start, but if you get on well with them then why would you stop communicating or seeing them

[molonski2]

To keep talking with her is what you should do

She was a serious friend before this guy.

[MrChinaski]

It sounds fine. You are clearly mature adults and it works for you. Many would find it too hard.

[Rangers]

That is the natural order of things, yes. When you breakup, shut the door completely

[CuriousMufuxka]

When a relationship is over, all ties are cut. Women hate this principle because it means no way back in.

[Hopeless30]

Nope but its depends how we ended