How do you ask friends to pay you back without sounding rude?

[Anonymous]

Whenever I'm out with my friends for lunch etc and they pay the full amount, I would insist on re-paying my part to them asap. I don't like having any dues. However when I cover the bill by myself and the other person forgets to pay their part, I have a hard time asking them to pay me back. I often wait till they pay by themselves or sometimes even give up on expecting them to pay. Do you think it's fine to straight up ask someone about the money they owe you without sounding rude? Thoughts?

[Screenwriter]

You can't sound rude with a friend, can you? First off, I'd set the ground-rules in the moment. "I need you to pay me back for this this week, Harlan, before I put this on my bankcard. If that's not OK, I can't pay for you." Be firm. Then, more than likely, you won't be in such a situation.

If they don't pay you within that time frame, call them and ask for the money. It's THEIR fault that you have to come back to them to ask a second time. That's not what a good friend should do.

If they NEVER pay up, don't ever pay for them again. If they ask, remind them. "You never paid me back for the last time I put your meal/drinks on my credit card. I'm not doing it again."

If they start carping about it, you have a friend who's careless and thoughtless about money. This is not how a "friend" should treat another friend. Stick to your boundaries and don't fall for such pressure. He or she may call you petty, but some people are on budgets, others have no concept of spending or that they should pay people back. Might not be a good friend to have too close!

[jennifer_bloom]

One way is to dine with them and then refuse to volunteer to pay for their meal when the meal is finished, if they are sensitive, they might realize the context of you not volunteering to pay and reflect on past periods where you paid for them and they never paid you back. Another way is to casually mention you are saving money or that something is very expensive. This is your way of suggesting you paid for them in the past but won't pay for them again unless they pay you back.

[Purpleronnie]

Well , I would offer that for a “friend” you should never have to. Should you end up having to then perhaps they aren’t the friend / person you thought they were.


The way I see it , it’s basic respect, and if they choose to not to repay you without so much as an explanation then consider that you bought the knowledge that they can’t be trusted to repay their debt. That’s a valuable lesson that you likely paid very little for.

[OneViewpoint]

Depends on the dynamic between the friends. When I'm out with my buddies and someone buys a round of drinks, it's accepted that someone else is the next man up for another round. And we all keep track of who owns the next round. Anyone who doesn't pay up eventually is simply dropped from the group as a freeloader.

[GrammariklyIncorrekt]

Did they specifically ask you to pick up the tab, or did you just pay it without them even asking? If they asked you, then I don't think you're in the wrong for asking them to pay you back, or maybe dropping a funny reminder like, "you're turn to buy lunch today bro!" But if you paid for it without even being asked, they probably took that as a friendly gesture.

[Abbycado]

Yes, it is fine to ask. It isn't your responsibility to pay for people.

You can preemptively get around it by telling the server it will be separate checks from the beginning. That isn't rude.

[madhatters4]

yes it's fine to straight out ask. it's not rude to ask something owed to you. i would send a text or something say, 'hey just a reminder that you owe me XX dollars from Y (outing). could you send soon? thanks"

[LazerBean]

Don't lend any money that you are not afraid to lose. If they don't pay you back, don't mention it but also don't lend them money again.

[qwerty2469]

I never, ever give a friend money. If he need money he needs to put up collateral. I got a PS2 for $100 bucks when they were new and a Game worn Eric Lindross Hockey Jersey when he was at his peak. Unfortunately my buddy got out of the military 5 years later and bought it back from me with 5 years interest.

[Rangers]

Dude, stand up for yourself, just say "you owe me ____, I need the money back, you're not respecting me, at all". And escalate from there if they don't respect you and pay you back

[Kelley1]

It is rude if they don't pay me back and force me to ask.

[Nikki1989]

I have never had to ask that question.

[RingOfFire]

Tell them... hey I've always wanted to try out getting money through my Zelle account. This would be a great time to test it! <wink wink>

[foxsquirrell]

This is just a bad custom. Everybody pays his bill there and then. None of this bs of splitting the bill or paying later. I will make it clear from the outset before I go out with friends.

[SAMI_DABBAB]

Close friends: indirect joke
Not really friends: learn your lesson and don’t ask

[LC75LC71]

I don't lend money. If someones too petty to pay their share, I say nah I got it.

[Anonymous]

I say to whomever "we'll split bills upfront" : 🙂🤔

[AndreaGags]

Just ask them how they want to send you their share

[Agape93]

I don't need to. They know what to do

[jahaims]

They aren't friends if you have to ask

[LiamJHayden]

I do not keep track of such trivialities.

[blackeagle007]

Don’t loan anyone money. Problem solved.

[MereAnarchy]

Learn and don't repeat.