Family & Friends
1 mo

How can I cope with the deep hatred I feel toward my family?

I don't know why I'm writing this here, but since I have no friends, I feel like I need to share my pain somewhere.
My home feels like a prison. Since childhood, all I've known is pressure and control. I have two older brothers. Everyone in my family has always acted as if it was their job to decide how I should live, what I should or shouldn't do. Even when I was in 11th grade, my mother still took me to school.
If I went into detail, everything that happened wouldn't fit here. When I was a child, my mother would talk to my classmates after school, asking about their grades and lessons, while I was left standing aside. Teachers would tell my mother, "Why is your daughter so skinny? Your sons are such handsome boys, mashallah." Whenever she was with me, she seemed embarrassed and immediately started talking about my brothers and showing their pictures instead.
My brothers never physically beat me, but they were always extremely aggressive. They would yell at me even when I was just a little child. Now I am the same age they were when they used to shout at me and treat me like a servant, and I keep wondering how anyone could treat a child that way.
At school, I was even afraid to ask teachers questions because I thought that if I spoke too much, people would say I was a bad girl.
They wouldn't allow me to attend English courses. I taught myself English, read books, and worked hard on my own. But I can't do much with any of it. I'm stuck between four walls at home, like in a prison.
I don't have a single friend. If I somehow manage to leave the house, I get a phone call within an hour asking why I haven't come back yet.
And this is only a very small part of what I've been through. Inside me, there is an endless hatred that I cannot tell anyone about. Yet every day, I am forced to look at the faces of the people I resent.
What they have done will stay with me for the rest of my life. It has left me insecure and unable to protect or stand up for myself.
Updates
1 mo
Just like at school, now at work I still can't speak up when people take advantage of me or treat me rudely simply because I am quiet
Updates
1 mo
The only life lesson my mother has ever taught me is how to take care of my husband, mother-in-law, and father-in-law after I get married, and how to keep the house clean.
How can I cope with the deep hatred I feel toward my family?
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