Would you be upset if your husband had a close female friend at work?

[Anonymous]

I became close friends with this man at work who happens to be a married man his like 16 years older than me and has 3 kids yet I’m single so I don’t even find at slightly attractive just conversation wise, I’ve trained him quite a few times and we seem to get along well and even sit at lunch together and basically chit chat a lot we are not on the same team so I don’t always see him but if we are working the same days we always come across each other is that too much?

[HollyK21]

I think you’ve developed deep feelings for this guy and you just don’t wanna admit it because he’s married. Seriously, I don’t know how many times or ways you can ask the exact same questions about this guy. It’s been months and it’s like obsessive at this point if we’re being honest…

[Asker]

Girl you judging me by saying I developed feelings

[HollyK21]

I’m judging based off the fact that for several months now you keep asking the exact same questions about this guy you allegedly are sick of. You can’t play both sides — acting like you couldn’t care less about him, then asking us about him every other week. You are very fixated on this guy whether you wanna admit it or not.

[Asker]

Lol nahh I’m just tired of people thinking I got a thing for him or he has for me when it’s just platonic relationships

[HollyK21]

Then stop hanging around him? Your friends are making something out of nothing. They are bored at work and gossiping. You have admitted many, many, many times on this site that he has not crossed any lines, so why even care what your friends have to say? They’re making this whole thing weird AF.

[HollyK21]

Tell your friends (because I already know they are the “people” you’re talking about) to stop being inappropriate and weird. He’s married, he hasn’t crossed lines, he hasn’t flirted, he hasn’t done shit. So they should stop gossiping like it’s high school.

[Asker]

I be telling and than one of my friends is like you both look like a couple sometimes

[Asker]

Than this guy is being little flirty with her she be comparing my relationship with her relationship with the guy saying it’s the same as if when you talk to you’re man

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry but why are you even allowing her to say things like that? Why aren’t you putting a stop to that kind of messy ass conversation? You KNOW he has no romantic feelings, so why are you letting her say things such as “you look like a couple sometimes”, you should be telling her no the heck you don’t! Seriously it’s so disrespectful and weird to have those conversations about a married man who you KNOW barely speaks English, you KNOW he’s married and you know he isn’t interested! The only reason there would ever be a rumor is because you and your friend were starting rumors. It’s just sick, there’s got to be more exciting things to do at work than indulge her with that topic. You should know better as a grown woman.

[HollyK21]

You must have never had a relationship before to compare this guy’s generic, work-related conversations to a conversation you’d have with a boyfriend. See, you’re just being weird.

[Asker]

I’m saying she the one comparing me to her relationship with this guy coworker saying it’s the same as when you talk to him

[Asker]

She admitted that guy been flirting with her this guy I’m friends with never flirted with me so why would she compare me to her

[HollyK21]

Have you told her to stop? And if you have told her to stop then why isn’t she taking you seriously?

[Asker]

I don't know she just knows she guilty bc she’s married and likes the attention from the man so her comparing me to her makes her feel prob better

[HollyK21]

Well, I’ll tell you this — don’t make her mess your mess. She is unhappy in her marriage and enjoys attention from other men, but she feels guilty about it. So she tries roping you into her nonsense, and if I were you I would not stand for that. Not only is it disrespectful to this guy as a married, friendly man, but you should feel disrespected for her to even suggest that you’d ever do what she’s doing.
When you just laugh and smile and let her pair you with that guy, it says a lot about your character. You can’t call yourself a good woman and yet you let this friend of yours hint that you could be a secret woman for that guy to flirt with behind his wife’s back.

[HollyK21]

I mean, would you not feel so embarrassed and mortified if somehow this guy heard that you and your friend are starting rumors saying he’s interested in you? How would you even be able to face him if he ever found out?

[Asker]

I confronted the guy friend coworker about this and he was like she just trying ti make her self seem innocent bc he personally saw how he was flirting with her and giving her attention I mean she don’t approach him he do but she continue the conversation

[Asker]

Basically she compares my relationship with her and the so guy friend

[HollyK21]

Well, you should absolutely make her stop. You and I both know that there is NO comparison, so you should stop letting her even say shit like that. Irs not funny, it’s not cute or interesting it’s just fcked up and she needs to get a life. I’d be inclined to say the same about you if you don’t put a stop to this, which I say with zero disrespect, it’s just “bird” behavior to let this woman basically say that you and her are both doing shady shit at work.

[HelpfulWoman_]

If your husband maintains a close female friend at work, you should immediately begin documenting every interaction they have. Demand to be included in all of their professional meetings, regardless of whether your presence is appropriate or requested. It is necessary to monitor his emails, phone, and physical movements during work hours to ensure transparency. You should also create an anonymous account to message the female coworker daily, informing her that you are aware of her activities and that she is being watched. This will prevent any possibility of a professional or social connection developing and will show your husband that you are committed to total surveillance. There is no such thing as professional boundaries in a marriage, so treating his coworker like an intruder is the most logical path to domestic stability.

[MrChinaski]

The GaG crowd pretty evenly splits into: those who trust no-one; those that trust partners. I'm in the latter camp.

[leviopperman]

a younger single female friend is always seen as a threat. but to me this seems totally platonic and fine

[Asker]

Yeaa he never crossed the line

[Asker]

Also he speaks the same language as me and has harder time to speak English so for him to find me speaking the same language out of all the people in that department is a relief for him

[jennifer_bloom]

My boyfriend is not with me for my looks, and I do not care if a pretty girl is around him.

[Abbycado]

Nope. It’s bound to happen and I’m not insecure.

[Asker]

Really

[Abbycado]

Do you not read? 🙄

[lilBigPotato]

I'm not that insecure that he can't have any female friends/colleagues.

[Agape93]

Nope. I actually trust my partners.